Pieter Hintjens - The Psychopath Code - Cracking the Predators That Stalk Us

You can also accuse Mallory of violation of whatever social contracts they are breaking. Threaten him with exposure. Again, walk away, start recording, and wait for Mallory to come back. You will often get only one chance, as the next time, Mallory will have a story to answer that accusation.

In such a confrontation, you must control your emotions. Mallory will shotgun accusations and slander against you. He’ll pick up on any reaction, even the smallest one. Expect hurtful accusations, and when they come, just count them.

You can, in extreme need, provoke Mallory to criminal physical violence against your person. You can trigger his fury easily, until he realizes what you are doing. Your goal here is simple. You need him to hurt you and leave traces. Then you get a medical certificate of bruises or wounds. And then you make a formal complaint to the police. This should lead to Mallory’s arrest and prosecution.

Do learn the law, and understand what counts as assault. I can’t recommend this except as a last resort. The risks are high. You can be badly hurt, and it is hard to restrain yourself from fighting back. Yet "convicted of domestic violence" is difficult to shake off. Ask Chris Brown.

Alone, you’re vulnerable against a professional manipulator. When you have the support of a group, confronting Mallory is easier. If a group rallies against a bad actor in their midst, the game is over.

Mallory knows this. She sees a united group as a bad thing. She works hard to divide the group and keep individuals fighting each other. If or when she sees you are a risk to her, she will aim to turn the group against you.

You have to expect this, and prepare for it. Your advantage is in moving before Mallory realizes what you are doing. By providing subtitles, you inoculate the group. When she does act, it then plays against her.

Ask yourself what is the worst possible thing she could say (true, or false) about you to others. Assume her goal is to have you discredited, ejected, arrested, or hurt. Mallory may often be shy of using physical violence herself. Assume she is not shy of using others.

She prefers to talk in secret, so she can weave her spells of promises and lies. It is harder for her to control a room of people not already charmed or intimidated.

These are the opportunities you have:

❂ Mallory prefers to works on one person at a time. She switches between people so fast it looks like she is covering them all at once. Yet whenever she’s busy with one individual, she ignores all the others. You can work on groups: you don’t need one-on-one diplomacy. If you have solid evidence of a crime or lie, you can spread that to many people at little cost.

❂ Most people, in most cases, will be receptive to such a message. We usually have a skeptical voice in our heads warning us that the situation is not "right." It is a matter of finding and talking to this voice.

❂ Anyone affected by the psychopath is already searching for a way out. It is often subconscious and unexpressed. You must try to understand their stresses and questions. Then, show them the right answers. They will usually accept what you are saying.

This takes time, and solid evidence, immune to forgery. There are risks. Mallory will try exactly the same strategy, painting you as the common enemy. You must be beyond reproach. You must be transparent with the people you need to work with.

The other danger is that a psychopath may not always be a lone hunter. There are psychopaths who work together, to control large groups. You are unlikely to confront such organized criminality in your personal life. If you do find yourself facing it, avoid direct confrontation.

If you’re trapped in a relationship with Mallory, you will be in a bad state which shows as depression. The slave, feed, and wreck phases of the relationship corrode your sense of identity. When someone asks you "how’s it going?" your answers revolve around Mallory. "She’s in a good mood today," or "crazy day today." You seem little more than a puppet, reacting to Mallory’s every whim. And when Mallory isn’t there, you feel empty and passive.

You can reverse this process of destruction of self. You can become more resistant to manipulation, better able to fight back. You can imagine and construct better futures than "when will this pain end?"

The tools of mind control come in many shapes. Likewise, there are many ways to invest in self:

❂ Rebuild relationships that broke as you went deep into the rabbit hole with Mallory.

❂ Build private space and time where Mallory cannot create chaos or try to take control.

❂ Start new projects to replace the failed projects you invested in with Mallory.

❂ Find positives in your situation. Every day can be a valuable lesson, if you are able to learn.

❂ Turn your pain and emotion into creative art, music, dance, photography, or writing.

❂ Use this creative process to create positive energy, and happy moments. It’s both good for you, and confusing and distasteful to Mallory.

When I said psychopaths are lazy, that isn’t true in all senses. They work hard at their core skills. They will bring people together, so they can get control over them. One irony of psychopathy is that this energy can produce positive and creative outcomes. We often have a better person hiding inside us. You can use your encounters with Mallory to find and develop that person.

The last move in solving this complex puzzle is to create exits, and move towards them. You are only as trapped as you believe you are, unless Mallory has restrained you by force. When you can imagine a future beyond your current situation, then you can create it. Even if it takes years, you define the path to freedom by your own imagination and determination.

Your goal must be to rebuild a healthy, complete, professional or personal life. One where Mallory does not exist, and where he cannot interfere. It may be a matter of cutting contact with Mallory.

As you get a grip over things, Mallory will decide whether he intends to stay, or leave. If he decides to leave, it will be sudden and total.

More often, Mallory wants to stay. He will either force you out, make you accept his control, or do something worse. If there is a moment of real physical danger, it is this. There is an old pattern of suspicious deaths of those divorcing their abusive partners.

In most countries with modern policing, Mallory cannot get away with physical violence. He knows it. In a corrupt country, if Mallory has powerful friends who can protect him, the risks of violence go up.

The most likely outcome is quite banal. Mallory will just become "normal." He will turn into the perfect parent, partner, or colleague. Anyone looking at him for the first time will see a lovely, hard-working person.

If you are not careful, Mallory can convince judges and peers that he is the sane one in a relationship. They will believe you are the one with issues. So, you must collect your evidence and witnesses long before he realizes your intentions.

The most delicate and difficult cases are those involving shared projects. This means: homes, businesses, and above all, children. You can walk away from these, and people do. If you have children with Mallory, then it’s not enough to save yourself. You have to also think how to save your children, and give them the tools to deal with their abusive parent.

I explained in Hunting Mallory how Mallory divides his children into winners and losers. Even with occasional access to his children, Mallory can shape them.

One strategy is to fight for exclusive custody, to remove Mallory’s influence for good. This is a worthy goal in any eventual divorce or separation. Mallory will often be the one to walk away. After all, he is not interested in raising children.