Steve Andreas: Help with Negative Self–talk Volume I

Using these understandings, determine what is different about your altered state… .

Then choose a core question that is the opposite of your experience in the altered state… .

4. Try out your core question in some other major life contexts to see how well it fits there. Make any adjustments that you can think of to make it fit better in all those contexts. For instance, "What food shall I choose," would be limited to only a few contexts, but "What should I do next" is more general, so it could be used anywhere.

5. Share your experiences Share what you found in steps 3 and 4 with the other people you are doing the exercise with… .

6. Experimenting and adjusting Next, try on the questions of the others in your group, one at a time. Notice how these different questions change your experience. When you try on these different core questions, what aspects do you like, dislike, find interesting or useful, etc.? …

Again, share your experience with the others in your trio… .

7. Examine a question As a trio, take one core question and examine it, using the checklist that follows, to identify possible problems or limitations. Keep in mind that a core question is a very condensed distillation that is embedded in all of a person's presuppositions, beliefs, and ways of organizing their experience Also keep in mind that each word in a core question can have many different meanings to different people. A question that works well for one person may work very differently for someone else. The checklist is only a way to alert you to possible limitations that you might not otherwise notice, and these can be a focus for experimenting with modifications or alternatives in the next step of this exercise.

8. Checklist (items are not listed in order of importance or any other hierarchy.)

a) What is presupposed? (Negate the question and notice what is still true. An effective core question presupposes choice, ability, resources, good feelings, etc.)

b) What modal operator(s) are contained in the question? Modal operators are words that indicate possibility, choice, desire, or necessity — and their negations. A useful core question will usually include possibility, choice, and desire, rather than necessity or negations of possibility, choice, or desire. (For more on modal operators: (sbe2, chapter 4)

c) What verb tense is used? (past, present, future, conditional, subjunctive, etc.) Since the past can't be changed, a question directing attention to the present and future will usually be more useful in enabling choice, ability, and satisfaction.

d) Self/other emphasis/sorting. Notice pronouns: I, you, they, we, etc. Ideally there is a balance between attending to self and others, with respect and consideration for both.

e) Active/passive Is the person the active subject or passive object of the question? For instance, "What shall I do?" is active, while "What will happen to me?" is passive, and presupposes lack of choice.

f) Is there a negation? ("What's wrong" = "not right") Try transforming any negations into positive statements. For instance, "What's wrong" could become, "What do I want to attend to?" or "How can I make this better?" etc.

g) Are there any comparisons? (more, less, better, best, enough, etc.) Is a comparison self/other, self/self, or other/other? Try changing or eliminating the comparison. Does a comparison offer useful feedback information, and result in useful feelings of pleasure and motivation?

h) Is it a Yes/No (digital) question, such as "Am I safe?" or an analog (continuum) question, such as "How safe am I?" Usually analog questions will be more useful.

i) Is it a spurious yes/no question that is stated so that it can only be answered in one way? For instance, "Did I do everything I could have?" or "Am I completely safe?" can never be answered "Yes" in a complex world.

j) Sensory–based Does the question direct the person's attention toward specific sensory–based events and behavior? For instance, "What's happening around me right now?" directs attention to specific external events, but "Am I safe?" does not

k) Note any cause–effect ("this caused that"), equivalence ("this = that"), or context that is stated, referred to, or presupposed.

l) Which of the three major aspects of experience —behavior, thinking, and feeling —are included, omitted, or presupposed.

m) Does it contain a self–reflexive loop? "How well am I doing?" in contrast to "How well did that work?"

n) Does the question elicit motivation that is "toward" "away from" both, or neither? Experiment with changing this orientation.

o) Are the feelings that result from the question pleasant unpleasant or neither? How could you change the question to make it more pleasant?

9. Experiment with modifications or adjustments As a trio, suggest changes in the question for the person whose question it is to try out in their experience to see if they like the resulting changes.

For instance, if the original question was "Am I loved," that is passive and a yes/no (digital) question. You could try, "What can I do to be sure she loves me?" which is more active. Or you could try, "How much am I loved?" which presupposes that you are loved, it is just a matter of degree. As they try out a modification, be particularly attentive to their nonverbal responses, which will indicate how well it does or doesn't fit for them. Make a note of changes that the person likes.

10. Congruence check ("ecology") Whenever you find a change that you like, and that you think you would like to have it as part of your automatic unconscious responding, test it thoroughly by imagining asking the question in all your major life contexts, being alert for any possible problems, limitations, or compli–cations. If you notice problems, experiment to find out how you can adjust the question so that these problems don't arise.

11. Rehearse in future contexts Assuming that you have identified one or more changes that you are congruently pleased with, rehearse the modified question in a variety of future life situations, so that the question will generalize widely and become a spontaneous unconscious response.

12. Testing/Feedback Make a promise to yourself to check a week or two in the future to find out how well these changes are working. You can always make further modifications any time you want to.

This process can be used to adjust what we say to ourselves in any problem situation, in order to make it more useful in supporting our life goals. Changes in our core question will usually generalize widely, and have a broad impact on our lives, far beyond specific problems. A live workshop presentation of this process is available on CD (6)

In this book I have collected and presented a wide variety of ways to transform negative internal self–talk, learned from over 30 years of training and researching. Much of this has come from others who have taught me, or contributed ideas, while some of it has come in little "Ahah!" moments in assisting someone, or reviewing a communication or a transcript of a session. Others I have learned from participants in seminars. All these little bits and pieces had to be collected and then fit together into a coherent whole, a process that was a further learning process in itself.