Steve Andreas - Help with Negative Self–talk Volume I

Some people bounce out of bed in the morning, eager to start the day, while others keep hitting the snooze button on their alarm, and then struggle to slowly drag themselves out of bed. The way you start the day is likely to set the pace for the rest of your day. If you start out eager and animated, it will be much easier to maintain that state, despite any difficulties that may occur later. But if you start the day discouraged, or in some other unpleasant mood, then you will have to work yourself out of that state in order to feel better, which is usually much more difficult.

What often makes the difference is what you first say to yourself as you emerge from sleep. You may awaken in response to an alarm clock, or in response to light, or to the sounds of others in the house getting up. As you begin to waken and sense the world around you, what are the first words in your mind? What is the first thing that you said to yourself this morning? …

How about yesterday morning? …

Now check several other recent mornings. What did you say then, and how did it set a tone for the rest of the day? …

Now notice all the tonal qualities of that internal voice — the tone, volume, tempo, hesitations, etc… . 1

If you said something like, "Ohmigod, I have to go to work today," in a discouraging tone, you probably had to work hard to get out of bed and get going, and that attitude is likely to persist during the rest of the day.

On the other hand, if you said something like, "Wow, which of my projects do I get to do first?" in an enthusiastic tone, then getting out of bed was probably very easy, and it would take a really unpleasant event to change your positive attitude.

If you would like to change how you talk to yourself in the morning, there are six simple steps:

1. Desired outcome First, think about how you would like to feel as you start out your day, …

2. Desired self–talk What could you say to yourself, and what tone and tempo of voice you could use to create that? …

3. Identify cues Next notice what you will see, hear, or feel as you first begin to wake up, and then say your sentence to yourself… .

4. Check for objections Notice any objections or feelings of concern that you might have about doing this… .

5. Satisfy objections If you have any objections, identify any problems with either the words that you chose, or the tonality and tempo that you chose. Then adjust what you say to yourself, or how you say it (or both) until any objections or concerns are satisfied. When all aspects of you are satisfied with it, it will be something that you are congruent about wanting, and it should occur spontaneously and dependably… .

6. Rehearse and test Imagine waking up in the future in order to test what you have done. Experience what it will be like tomorrow morning, when you first begin to realize that you are waking up, and notice what happens… .

If your morning sentence occurs automatically, you are done. If it doesn't, you may need to rehearse it several more times just as you begin to wake up to make it automatic, or you might have to back up a few steps and adjust what you say to yourself, or the tonality that you use.

Next, I want to offer you a somewhat more complex way to begin the day, one that can be used to change a wide variety of problems, as well as more positive outcomes.

Giorgio Nardone and Claudette Portelli, in their book, Knowing Through Changing (19) use the following instruction as part of their work with clients. It's a very interesting method that can be used to change any problem whatsoever, by installing an internal voice that initiates a daily pattern of thinking and behavior.

During the following weeks, I'd like you to ask yourself this question. Every day, in the morning, question yourself: "What would I do differently today if I no longer had my problem, or if I had recovered from

my problem?" Among all the things that come to your mind, choose the smallest, most minimal but concrete thing, and put it into practice. Every day, choose a small but concrete thing as if you had already overcome your problem, and voluntarily put it into practice. Every day choose something different. (19, p. 73)

Those who would like to develop their ability to model useful communication patterns may wish to pause before reading further, and reread the instruction above, perhaps several times. Then think of a problem that you have, and vividly imagine actually carrying out this instruction every morning over a period of a week or two… .

Then review your experience, and notice how this instruction redirects your attention, and how you respond to that… .

Then use whatever understanding of NLP you have to recognize familiar elements, and think about how the different aspects of this instruction work to initiate and amplify change… .

This instruction is an example of "tasking" or "homework," in which someone is given specific instructions about what to do outside the therapy session, to support a desired change. Many of Milton Erickson's (10) interventions directed clients to do certain things that would change how they experienced their problems. Often these instructions were puzzling and mysterious, and often were delivered within a hypnotic trance in order to amplify their impact, and make sure that they were carried out.

Erickson often talked about making a small change that would begin a "snowball" effect, growing into a much larger and more lasting change. However, this certainly isn't true of all our attempts to change. People often make a small change and it doesn't "snowball" at all. Someone makes some effort, resolution, or decision, and then quickly backslides into their old behavior. What is the difference between a small change that will "snowball" in a useful way, from one that won't? There are many different elements in this instruction that support each other, and that result in a cascade of change.

First, the instruction is oriented toward the client voluntarily doing something different — both the actual small behaviors selected, and also the mental activities required in order to follow the directions — in contrast to passively hoping for some change to come from outside them.

The instruction repeatedly uses an "as if" categorization — that they have recovered from their problem — to create a "make believe" world in which anything can happen, free of the constraints and limitations of the real world. This neutralizes any objections based on judgments that someone might have about the instructions

being "impossible," "unrealistic," "silly," "stupid," etc. Within this "as if" categorization, the concrete behaviors that the person selects (not suggested or imposed from others) become linked with having recovered from the problem.

Since they are told to choose the smallest thing, they will have to think of all the things on their list in order to choose the smallest one. If they had been told to "just pick one thing that would be different," they would not have had to think of all of them. The instruction to choose the smallest thing seems to minimize the task, but it actually makes it more impactful, because it draws their attention to all the things that would be different.