Steve Harvey - Straight Talk, No Chaser - How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man

30. DO MEN LIKE ROMANCE? WHAT DO THEY FIND ROMANTIC?

SH:Yes, men like romance and men will continue to be romantic once it’s required of them. Just know, though, that romance for us usually means it’s going to lead to something. I’m sorry-that’s the way we think. We have to be reminded, sometimes, that cuddling is just that, cuddling. When a woman is romancing a man, we’re always going to think, “Okay, here’s another shot at getting some cookie.” Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don’t, but we’re working on a different mechanism, here. We’re thinking: “She’s being romantic for a reason.” Is that right or fair? No. But that’s the way we think. So be romantic at your own peril.

31. CAN MEN CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX WITHOUT BEING SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO HER?

SH:Yes, we can be just friends with her. Most divorces end up kind of rough, and there’s often genuine hatred between the two. But we can move past the hate and be cordial with the ex and not be sexually attracted to her, for sure. If the ex is someone we dated, however, it can be a little more tricky, especially if a man is in a committed relationship. Under those circumstances, I don’t recommend being friends with the ex. No one erases all the memories, so hanging around someone with whom you’ve been intimate can be akin to playing with fire. You know what men are after, and you know if a man has had it once before, it’s hard for him to walk away from it if it’s being offered again. I’m not suggesting that men don’t have the willpower to be faithful, but I do think it’s just better for everyone involved to keep the distance.

32. DO MEN GET AS BOTHERED AS WOMEN DO WHEN WE FORGET BIRTHDAYS, ANNIVERSARIES, AND SO ON?

SH:We won’t let our displeasure be seen, but when important moments are forgotten, we do get hurt. We want to be celebrated just as you do.

33. IF A MAN TEXTS YOU CONSISTENTLY, DOES THAT MEAN HE’S INTO YOU?

SH:It means nothing. That same text can be sent to a bunch of women at the same time and he can forward it to a half dozen more. A man shows he’s “into” you by communicating with you in traditional ways-via a phone call, an in-person talk, a date. Text messages don’t cut it. Men who are interested in you want to be in your space, see your face.

34. WHY ARE MEN SO PICKY?

SH:Aren’t you picky when it comes to men? See, here’s what we’re not about to do: we’re not changing our standards. The moment you’re not keeping it up, the moment you’re not pulling your weight, the moment you don’t fit into what we’re looking for, we’re pulling up stakes. We want what we want and we’re not going to “settle” for a wife. You all would do well to take a page from men and stop compromising your standards and get exactly what you want in the man you deserve as well.

1. Thou Shalt Give Her Free Time.

Make the time for her to be able to take a class or pursue a hobby that she’s been putting off because she’s too busy with work and the kids to spend quality time doing something she loves.

2. Thou Shalt Remember the Small Things.

Rub her back and feet, run her bathwater and give her quality “alone time,” without obligation to give you some cookie for your troubles.

3. Thou Shalt Consistently Find New Ways to Say I Love You.

Love notes go a long way. Slip one in her wallet, briefcase, or lunch bag just because; she’ll appreciate that you were thinking about her and told her you love her without prompting.

4. Thou Shalt Chip In.

Wash the dishes, do a load of laundry, clean the bathroom, or do some other chore she usually handles. If you can’t or don’t want to handle it yourself, hire someone to do it for you. That’ll be one less thing she’ll have to do, and she’ll be grateful for the help.

5. Thou Shalt Help with the Kids.

Offer to put them to bed a couple nights a week or run them to their extracurricular activities. She could probably use the help.

6. Thou Shalt Embrace the Art of Foreplay.

If candlelight and soft music used to get her in a romantic mood but you haven’t used either of them in years, get back to romancing her. She’ll appreciate the effort and respond in kind.

7. Thou Shalt Respect Her Schedule.

Sure, you should be able to get in a little overtime at work or go for a three-day golf weekend with the guys without being hassled about it, but it’s better for everyone involved if you coordinate your schedule with hers instead of assuming that she will just handle the house, the kids, and whatever else is coming the family’s way while you’re out having a good time.

8. Thou Shalt Send Her Roses, Just Because.

Don’t wait for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays to shower her with the things she loves. A simple bouquet of flowers or a pack of her favorite candy is a kind gesture that will show her you were thinking about her.

9. Thou Shalt Remember the Golden Rule.

You can be happy or you can be right.

10. Thou Shalt Always Take Her Side.

Of course, your mother taught you that she’s always right. The woman you sleep with at night must feel like you’ve got her back, no matter who she’s going up against. She’ll give you that same support, too.

WHAT DRIVES MEN:

Who they are (title), what they do (job, career), and what they make.

THE THREE PS:

The three distinct ways men show their love to their mates-by providing, professing (telling a woman and everyone she knows that she is his girlfriend/lady/wife), and protecting.

THE COOKIE:

Sex.

THE THREE THINGS EVERY MAN NEEDS:

Support, loyalty, and the cookie.

THE NINETY-DAY RULE:

A probationary period in which a woman forgos having sex with a man until she figures out whether he’s really into her and what his intentions are for the relationship.

WE HAVE TO TALK:

The four scariest words a man will ever hear.

FIX-IT MODE:

When men forgo talking, pondering, and mulling over a problem and instead figure out what the problem is and do what it takes to make the problem go away with as little drama as possible.

THROWBACK:

A party girl who has no rules, requirements, or respect for herself and doesn’t make any demands on prospective suitors, or a woman who is clueless about how to deal with men.

SPORT FISHING:

When a man dates a woman knowing that he has no intention of making any long-term commitments with her.

KEEPERS:

Women who have standards and requirements for their relationships, carry themselves with respect, and demand potential suitors treat them with respect.

STANDARDS AND REQUIREMENTS:

The expectations women have and the rules they set for potential mates interested in dating them.

THE FIVE QUESTIONS:

Queries every woman should ask a man to determine what he wants out of his life and his relationship with her. They ultimately help women determine right away what values a man has and how she fits into his plans. The questions include: What are your short-term goals? What are your long-term goals? What are your views on relationships? What do you think about me? and How do you feel about me?