Array Коллектив авторов - 30 лучших рассказов американских писателей

Through a closet door, half open, I could see a humanlike form covered with a sheet. Rivarol caught my glance.

‘That,’ said he, ‘will be my masterpiece. It is a Microcosm, an Android, as yet only partially complete. And why not? Albertus Magnus constructed an image perfect to talk metaphysics and confute the schools. So did Sylvester II [164] Sylvester II (945–1003) – the head of the Roman Catholic church of France who later became Pope. ; so did Robertus Greathead. Roger Bacon [165] Roger Bacon (1220–1292) – a great English philosopher and scientist of the 13th century. made a brazen head that held discourses. But the first named of these came to destruction. Thomas Aquinas [166] Thomas Aquinas (1224–1274) – an Italian theologian and philosopher, canonized in July, 1323. got wrathful at some of its syllogisms and smashed its head. The idea is reasonable enough. Mental action will yet be reduced to laws as definite as those which govern the physical. Why should not I accomplish a manikin which shall preach as original discourses as the Reverend Dr. Allchin, or talk poetry as mechanically as Paul Anapest? My android can already work problems in vulgar fractions and compose sonnets. I hope to teach it the Positive Philosophy.’

Out of the bewildering confusion of his effects Rivarol produced two pipes and filled them. He handed one to me.

‘And here,’ he said, ‘I live and am tolerably comfortable. When my coat wears out at the elbows I seek the tailor and am measured for another. When I am hungry I promenade myself to the butcher’s and bring home a pound or so of steak, which I cook very nicely in three seconds by this oxy-hydrogen flame. Thirsty, perhaps, I send for a carboy of aqua fortis . But I have it charged, all charged. My spirit is above any small pecuniary transaction. I loathe your dirty greenbacks, and never handle what they call scrip.’

‘But are you never pestered with bills?’ I asked. ‘Don’t the creditors worry your life out?’

‘Creditors!’ gasped Rivarol. ‘I have learned no such word in your very admirable language. He who will allow his soul to be vexed by creditors is a relic of an imperfect civilization. Of what use is science if it cannot avail a man who has accounts current? Listen. The moment you or anyone else enters the outside door this little electric bell sounds me warning. Every successive step on Mrs. Grimler’s staircase is a spy and informer vigilant for my benefit. The first step is trod upon. That trusty first step immediately telegraphs your weight. Nothing could be simpler. It is exactly like any platform scale. The weight is registered up here upon this dial. The second step records the size of my visitor’s feet. The third his height, the fourth his complexion, and so on. By the time he reaches the top of the first flight I have a pretty accurate description of him right here at my elbow, and quite a margin of time for deliberation and action. Do you follow me? It is plain enough. Only the A B C of my science.’

‘I see all that,’ I said, ‘but I don’t see how it helps you any. The knowledge that a creditor is coming won’t pay his bill. You can’t escape unless you jump out of the window.’

Rivarol laughed softly. ‘I will tell you. You shall see what becomes of any poor devil who goes to demand money of me- of a man of science. Ha! ha! It pleases me. I was seven weeks perfecting my Dun Suppressor. Did you know’ – he whispered exultingly – ‘did you know that there is a hole through the earth’s center? Physicists have long suspected it; I was the first to find it. You have read how Huyghens [167] Huyghens – Christian Huyghens (1629–1695), a Dutch mathematician, astronomer and physicist. , the Dutch navigator, discovered in Kerguellen’s Land [168] Kerguellen’s Land – Kerguelen Islands in the southern Indian Ocean, discovered by de Kerguéllen-Trémarec and later explored by Captain James Cook. an abysmal pit which fourteen hundred fathoms of plumb-line failed to sound. Herr Tom, that hole has no bottom! It runs from one surface of the earth to the antipodal surface. It is diametric. But where is the antipodal spot? You stand upon it. I learned this by the merest chance. I was deep-digging in Mrs. Grimler’s cellar, to bury a poor cat I had sacrificed in a galvanic experiment, when the earth under my spade crumbled, caved in, and wonder-stricken I stood upon the brink of a yawning shaft. I dropped a coal-hod in. It went down, down, down, bounding and rebounding. In two hours and a quarter that coal-hod came up again. I caught it and restored it to the angry Grimler. Just think a minute. The coal-hod went down, faster and faster, till it reached the center of the earth. There it would stop, were it not for acquired momentum. Beyond the center its journey was relatively upward, toward the opposite surface of the globe. So, losing velocity, it went slower and slower till it reached that surface. Here it came to rest for a second and then fell back again, eight thousand odd miles, into my hands. Had I not interfered with it, it would have repeated its journey, time after time, each trip of shorter extent, like the diminishing oscillations of a pendulum, till it finally came to eternal rest at the center of the sphere. I am not slow to give a practical application to any such grand discovery. My Dun Suppressor was born of it. A trap, just outside my chamber door: a spring in here: a creditor on the trap: need I say more?’

‘But isn’t it a trifle inhuman?’ I mildly suggested. ‘Plunging an unhappy being into a perpetual journey to and from Kerguellen’s Land, without a moment’s warning.’

‘I give them a chance. When they come up the first time I wait at the mouth of the shaft with a rope in hand. If they are reasonable and will come to terms, I fling them the line. If they perish, ’tis their own fault. Only,’ he added, with a melancholy smile, ‘the center is getting so plugged up with creditors that I am afraid there soon will be no choice whatever for ’em.’

By this time I had conceived a high opinion of my tutor’s ability. If anybody could send me waltzing through space at an infinite speed, Rivarol could do it. I filled my pipe and told him the story. He heard with grave and patient attention. Then, for full half an hour, he whiffed away in silence. Finally he spoke.

‘The ancient cipher has overreached himself. He has given you a choice of two problems, both of which he deems insoluble. Neither of them is insoluble. The only gleam of intelligence Old Cotangent showed was when he said that squaring the circle was too easy. He was right. It would have given you your Liebchen [169] Liebchen = sweetheart. ( German ) in five minutes. I squared the circle before I discarded pantalets. I will show you the work – but it would be a digression, and you are in no mood for digressions. Our first chance, therefore, lies in perpetual motion. Now, my good friend, I will frankly tell you that, although I have compassed this interesting problem, I do not choose to use it in your behalf. I too, Herr Tom, have a heart. The loveliest of her sex frowns upon me. Her somewhat mature charms are not for Jean Marie Rivarol. She has cruelly said that her years demand of me filial rather than connubial regard. Is love a matter of years or of eternity? This question did I put to the cold, yet lovely Jocasta.’

‘Jocasta Surd!’ I remarked in surprise, ‘Abscissa’s aunt!’

‘The same,’ he said, sadly. ‘I will not attempt to conceal that upon the maiden Jocasta my maiden heart has been bestowed. Give me your hand, my nephew in affliction as in affection!’