Sophie Kinsella - Shopaholic and Baby

God, I wonder what he’s going to say. Maybe he’ll say for my brilliant cooking and repartee.

No. Unlikely.

Maybe he’ll say…

I’m a bit stumped, to be honest. And if I’m stumped, Luke must be too.

“Why did I marry Becky?” he echoes at last, in such a strange voice that I think maybe he’s suddenly wondering himself, and realizing he made a terrible mistake.

All of a sudden I feel a bit cold and a bit scared.

And still Luke hasn’t said anything.

He walks over to the sink and pours himself a cup of water as everyone watches nervously. At last he turns. “Have you spent time with Becky?”

“I have!” says Suze, as though she’s going to win the Jackpot prize. Everyone turns to look at her, and she colors. “Sorry,” she mutters.

“The first time I ever saw Becky Bloomwood…” He pauses, a tiny smile at his lips. “She was asking a bank marketing department why they didn’t produce checkbook covers in different colors.”

“You see?” Venetia tosses a hand impatiently, but Luke doesn’t even flicker.

“The next year they did produce checkbook covers in different colors. Becky’s instincts match no one else’s. Becky has ideas no one else has. Her mind goes to places no one else’s does. And sometimes I’m lucky enough to go along with her.” Luke’s eyes meet mine, soft and warm. “Yes, she shops. Yes, she does crazy things. But she makes me laugh. She makes me enjoy life. And I love her more than anything else in the world.”

“I love you too,” I mumble, a lump in my throat.

“Fine,” says Venetia, her face pale. “Fine, Luke! If you want a shallow little airhead—”

“You have no idea, so shut the fuck up.” Luke’s voice is suddenly like a machine gun.

Mum opens her mouth to protest Luke’s language — but he looks so livid, she closes it again, looking nervous.

“Becky’s a lot more principled than you ever were.” He’s regarding Venetia with contempt. “She’s brave. She puts other people before herself. I couldn’t have got through the last few days without her. You guys probably know what trouble my company is in at the moment….” He glances at Suze and Mum.

“Trouble?” Mum looks alarmed. “What kind of trouble? Becky never told us!”

Luke turns to me, incredulous. “Becky, haven’t you said anything?”

“I knew something was up,” Suze gasps. “I knew it. All those phone calls. But she wouldn’t say what it was….”

“I didn’t want to spoil the party.” I flush as everyone turns toward me. “Everyone was having such a lovely time….” I break off, realizing I still haven’t told him. “Luke…there’s something else. We’ve lost the house.”

As I say the words I feel a wave of crushing disappointment again. Our beautiful family house, gone.

“You’re kidding.” Luke’s face darkens in shock.

“They’re selling it to someone else. But…it’ll be fine!” Somehow I force a bright smile. “We can rent a flat somewhere…. I’ve been looking on the Net — we’ll easily find somewhere….”

“Becky…” I can see it in his eyes too. Our dreams, destroyed.

“I know.” I blink back the tears. “It’ll be fine, Luke.”

“Oh, Becky.” I look over, and Suze is practically in tears too. “Have our castle in Scotland. We never use it!”

“Suze.” I can’t help a half-giggle. “Don’t be silly.”

“You’ll come and live with us, love!” Mum chimes in. “You won’t rent any nasty flat! And as for you, young lady…” She turns on Venetia, her face pink with outrage. “How dare you upset my daughter when she’s in labor!”

Shit.

I’d forgotten about being in labor.

“God, of course!” Suze claps a hand over her mouth. “Bex, you haven’t made a peep! You’re amazing!”

“My darling, you are such a star.” Luke looks absolutely awestruck. “All this, and you’re in labor….”

“Oh…er…it’s nothing!” I try to sound modest. “You know….”

“It’s not nothing — it’s incredible. Isn’t it?” Luke appeals to the student midwives.

“She is pretty special,” agrees Paula, who has been following the exchange with Venetia with a wide-open mouth. “That’s why we’re all observing her.”

“Special, huh?” Venetia suddenly says. She comes over and looks me up and down, her eyes narrowed. “Becky, when exactly was your last contraction?”

“Er…” I clear my throat. “It was…er…just now.”

“She’s a Scientologist,” puts in Paula eagerly. “She’s managing the pain silently. It’s wonderful to watch.”

“A Scientologist?” echoes Luke.

“It’s my new hobby!” I say brightly. “Didn’t I tell you?”

“I never knew you were a Scientologist, Bex!” says Suze in surprise.

“Is that the Moonies?” Mum demands of Luke in alarm. “Has Becky joined the Moonies?”

“Well, now.” Venetia’s eyes gleam. “Let’s have a look at you, Becky. Maybe this baby’s ready to be delivered!”

I edge away. If she gets to examine me, I’m basically dead.

“Don’t be shy!” Venetia is advancing on me, and in panic I hurry round to the other side of the bed.

“Look at that mobility!” one of the student midwives is saying admiringly.

“Come on, Becky….”

“Go away! Leave me alone!” I grab the gas and air mask and start gulping it in. That’s better. God, we should have a tank of this stuff at home.

“We’re here!” The door is thrust open and everyone looks up to see Danny bursting in, followed by Jess. “We’re here! Did we miss it?”

Jess is wearing her She’s a Yummy Mummy and We Love Her T-shirt, to match Suze’s. Danny is wearing a blue cashmere tank with She’s a RedHaired Bitch and I Hate Her printed in khaki on the front.

“Where’s the baby?” Danny looks around the room with bright eyes, taking in the tense scene. His eyes alight on Venetia. “Hey, who invited Cruella de Venetia?”

Luke is staring at the slogan on Danny’s tank top. He gives a sudden snort of comprehending laughter.

“You’re so juvenile,” spits Venetia, who has also clocked the tank top. “All of you. And if Little Miss Becky is really in labor, then I’m—”

“Oh,” I shriek. “Oh! I’m leaking!”

God, that’s the weirdest feeling. Something somewhere has just burst, and a pool of water is gathering at my feet. I can’t stop it.

“Jesus!” says Danny, shielding his eyes. “OK…way too much info.” He takes Jess’s elbow. “C’mon, Jess, let’s go get a drink.”

“Your water has gone,” says Paula, looking puzzled. “I thought that happened yesterday.”

“That could have been her forewater,” another student pipes up, looking all girly-swotty and pleased with herself. “This could be her hindwater.”

I’m in a state of shock. My water has broken.

That means…I’m in labor.

I really, genuinely, truly am in labor.

Aaaargh. Oh my God. We’re going to have a baby!

“Luke.” I grab him in total panic. “It’s happening!”

“I know, my darling.” Luke smooths my brow. “And you’re doing amazingly….”

“No!” I wail. “You don’t understand—” I stop, suddenly breathless. What was that?

It felt like someone squeezed my abdomen and then squeezed it some more and then squeezed it even tighter, even though I was begging them to stop.

Is that what a contraction’s like?

“Luke…” My breath is suddenly rather snatched. “I’m not sure I can do this….”

It’s even tighter now, and I’m almost panting, my hands gripping Luke’s forearm.

“You’ll be fine. You’ll be wonderful.” He’s stroking my back rhythmically. “Dr. Braine’s on his way. The redhaired bitch is just leaving. Aren’t you, Venetia?” He doesn’t take his eyes off mine.