Jilly Cooper - Prudence

The Admiral looked rather excited and bought us more drinks.

Jack and I were exchanging so many eye-meets now it was getting ridiculous.

‘We really ought to go,’ I said. ‘It’s twenty to two.’

Dragging a reluctant, panting Wordsworth, we got back into the car, dropped the Admiral off at his cottage on the edge of the lake, and set off for home.

‘Gather ye rose buds while ye may, there’s no more bed once you’re dead,’ said Jack. He put his hand on my thigh.

‘Wordsworth will be shocked,’ I said, removing it.

‘He’s far too busy composing Tintern Abbey ,’ said Jack.

I giggled. He put his hand back. I put my hand firmly on top of his to stop it moving further upwards. We were nearly at the bottom of the drive.

‘I don’t think Ace approves of me,’ I said, more to get Jack off the subject of me than anything else.

‘Don’t think he approves of anything very much at the moment. Must be hell coming back here, with Elizabeth buried in the churchyard, and every tree and rock reminding him of her. She was so lovely, and he adored her so much. He’s missed out on love really, with his mother dying when he was only two, then losing Elizabeth and the baby after such a short time. I know he’s not easy, but he’s rewarding if you make the effort.’

He took his hand from my thigh to swing the car in through the drive.

‘But where were we,’ he went on, ‘when Ace so rudely interrupted us last night? I must say I did enjoy it.’

‘Oh so did I,’ I said. I shouldn’t have encouraged him. But he was so attractive, and I didn’t think he’d try anything when we were so nearly home.

He stopped the car at the front, smiled at me gently, then in full view of the drawing-room window, leant over and kissed me very hard, full on the mouth which was still half open. For a moment I was too surprised to move, then I pulled away and leapt out of the car. Laughing, quite undisturbed, Jack started up and drove round to the garage at the back.

Pendle and Maggie were talking conspiratorially in the drawing-room when I went in. They gave no evidence of having seen us arrive.

‘Rose was ringing up all her friends telling them how ghastly it was to have Ace back and he walked in in the middle,’ said Maggie. She was wearing too much rouge, and there was make-up on her white shirt, but she looked sexy enough in a rumpled way.

‘I hear you’ve been round the estate, and visited the pub,’ said Pendle, pouring me a glass of wine, ‘so you know all there is to know about the area?’

‘I had such a hangover, the hair of the dog was the only answer,’ I explained hastily. ‘The Admiral was in the pub. He’s very disconsolate.’

‘Professor Copeland’s not too happy either,’ said Maggie. ‘He’s already rung up Rose and said he was “mightily annoyed” about the high-handed way Ace ordered him out of the house last night. He wants an apology.’

‘He won’t get one,’ said Pendle.

At that moment Rose swept in, looking a bit pale, but with plenty of the old dash about her.

‘Hullo, Pru darling,’ she said. ‘Do you know, Maggie, Snelgroves have refused to send me that silver fox on appro.’

‘Not surprised,’ said Maggie. ‘Considering you kept the last one six months, and sent it back ripped and with toffee papers in the pocket.’

But Rose’s butterfly mind had flitted to other problems.

‘Promise not to leave me alone for a minute with Ace,’ she said, lowering her voice. ‘I know he wants to talk about money. I don’t expect I shall ever see dear Professor Copeland again. Ace has been so rude to him. I’ve got nothing to look forward to now except decay,’ she added dramatically.

‘Never mind,’ said Jack, coming through the door, wearing Copeland’s hat. ‘You’ve got plenty more beaux to your string.’

Everyone groaned.

Jack admired himself in the mirror.

‘Do I look like an intellectual?’ he said, crinkling his eyes.

‘Take more than a hat,’ said Maggie nastily.

‘Oh go and play in the traffic,’ snapped Jack. He took off the hat, and put it on Coleridge, who was sprawled in an armchair and took absolutely no notice.

‘He’s exhausted,’ said Pendle, ‘after spending five minutes on his narvel.’

Even Rose giggled.

‘Ace and I are going to ride after lunch,’ said Jack. ‘I suppose there will be lunch?’ he added to Rose, ‘And Pru’s coming with me.’

I opened my mouth to protest.

Pendle glanced at my corduroy jodhpurs, ‘Of course, she is,’ he said. ‘She’s already dressed. I’ll come and see you off.’

Worse still, they all decided to come and see us off. Any courage given me by the whisky in the pub evaporated over lunch, but I still didn’t dare tell them I couldn’t ride.

We all trooped down to the stables. Three huge horses were led out.

My teeth were chattering with fear. ‘Cold today isn’t it?’ I said to Ace.

Mr Braddock led the large grey towards me. ‘She’s called Snowball,’ he said. Jack and Ace were already mounted. Rose, Maggie, Pendle, two dogs, Antonia Fraser sitting on the stable roof, blinking her yellow eyes, and a man carting manure were all watching me. I seized the reins and put my foot in the stirrup. Snowball, recognizing a phoney, started waltzing round. I hopped after her.

‘I’ll give you a leg up,’ said Pendle, hoisting me into the saddle. London from the top of the Post Office tower couldn’t have seemed further away than the ground. Incapable of standing still, Snowball started to walk sideways and, no sooner had Pendle let go of her reins than she set off at a brisk trot out of the yard into the fields.

‘Hey, wait a minute,’ shouted Ace. Snowball trotted even faster. Up down, up down, I tried desperately to rise in the saddle, but I kept getting out of time and going bump bump instead.

‘Pull her up,’ yelled Jack, but in spite of my frenzied tugs, she trotted even faster, breaking into a brisk canter as Ace tried to overtake. Oh, God, a different rhythm — one, two, three, one, two, three. By the time I’d got adjusted to it, I’d lost both stirrups and the reins and was clinging on to her mane for grim death.

Suddenly she plunged her head down in a terrifying graveyard cough, shaking me to the roots of my foundations then jerked her head upwards and hit me smartly on the nose.

Through streaming eyes, I abandoned all hope as she dived into a little copse of trees. There were branches everywhere.

‘Duck your head,’ shouted Ace. Out of the copse, into another green field, downhill this time, towards the lake. I was just wondering if a soft piece of grass might be preferable to this bumping hell, when Ace drew even, caught Snowball’s rein and pulled her to a jolting standstill.

‘You bloody little fool, saying you could ride,’ he swore at me. ‘You might have been killed by those branches.’

I was on the verge of tears.

‘Beastly, lousy horse,’ I said. ‘How can I steer it when it’s all I can do to stay on?’

Ace’s lips twitched.

Jack cantered up, laughing so much he couldn’t speak at first.

‘Darling, darling Pru,’ he said. ‘You’ve no idea how enchanting you looked from the back.’ He wiped his eyes.

I preserved my wounded dignity for a few minutes and then my sense of humour reasserted itself. I began to giggle.

They took it very gently after that, riding on either side of me like police horses bringing in the Grand National winner. We rode round the lake. A few sheep with russet bottoms looked at us curiously. A water skier clad in black rubber was zipping across the water. Gradually my nervousness disappeared and I began to enjoy myself.

About a quarter of a mile from home, I felt Jack stiffen beside me. Two figures were walking by the lake. No one could mistake that brilliant red hair. The man was obviously Pendle. They moved slowly as people do who have no destination except each other. Pendle picked up a pebble and started playing ducks and drakes. Maggie tried to do the same, but every time her stone just fell at her feet. I saw Pendle put his hand over hers and show her how to flick her wrist. She gave a cry of joy as the stone bounded across the water.