Janet Evanovich - The Grand Finale

Jake slid his arm around Berry. “It’s true. I said that.”

Berry looked at the beautiful ring and felt her stomach turn. Was getting engaged supposed to make a person nauseous?

Berry stood in the doorway and watched the last of Mildred’s belongings get loaded into the back of the station wagon. She raised a hand and waved. “Good-bye,” she whispered.

Jake put an arm around her. “Why so sad? Mildred and Bill will have a good life together.”

Berry shrugged. She didn’t know why she was sad, but she was dangerously close to crying. Mrs. Dugan was gone. Now Mildred was gone. Her newly adopted family was disbanding, and she felt bereft. “Guess I’m pretty silly, huh?”

“Yup.” Jake held her close, resting his cheek against her curls.

“It isn’t as if I’ll never see them again. When Mildred and Bill come back from their honeymoon they’ll be working at the Pizza Place just like always.”

“Yup.”

“And Mrs. Dugan will be home in another week.”

“Yup.”

“And I’m engaged,” Berry added.

“You make it sound like a dental appointment.”

Berry turned to face him. “I don’t want you to take this personally, but being engaged upsets my stomach.”

Jake looked down at her. “You don’t want me to take that personally?”

“I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I lay there all night long thinking about the dog, the house, the ring… you. It’s like a dream come true. Everything I’ve always wanted has suddenly been dropped at my feet.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Every time I look at this ring I get nauseous.”

“Maybe you have the flu,” Jake said.

“Maybe my stomach is smarter than my brain. Maybe it’s trying to tell me something.”

“Are you serious about this?”

“You think I’m crazy, huh?”

“The word fruitcake did flit through my mind.”

Berry nervously twisted the ring on her finger. “But my stomach…”

“Don’t listen to your stomach. Stomachs are stupid.”

Berry’s attention turned to the leggy kitten that strolled across the front lawn. “If it hadn’t been for that cat we probably wouldn’t be engaged.”

Rrrrrf ! Calamity Jane appeared in the doorway and raced down the lawn after the cat. The puppy stopped seven inches from the surprised kitten and bounced around. Rrrrf . Rrrrrf. The kitten narrowed its eyes and swiped at the dog’s nose. Jane yelped and bolted for the house.

Just then Mrs. Fitz thundered down the stairs. “I see you,” she said to Jane. “If I get hold of you there’s gonna be dog stew.” Mrs. Fitz waved a mangled piece of brown leather at Berry. “That blasted animal ate my pocketbook. It’s a hazard to live here. Good thing I’ve got plans.”

Berry raised her eyebrows. “Plans?”

Mrs. Fitz beamed. “Harry’s on his way over here. He borrowed his son’s motor home for a week, and we’re gonna go see the Grand Canyon. I’ve never been there. I was worried about going away and leaving you alone at the Pizza Place, but Jake said it was okay. He said the two of you could handle it just fine.”

“Jake knew about this?”

“Mrs. Fitz discussed it with me this morning while you were in the shower. I knew you wouldn’t want to stand in the way of the Grand Canyon.”

“Well, no, of course not, but what about the lunch contracts? I can’t handle the lunch contracts alone, and you’ll be teaching.”

Jake opened the patio door to let some air into the house. “My teaching career has been cut short. Mrs. Newfarmer is feeling better, and she’s returning to her class on Monday.”

Berry jammed her fists onto her hips. “Nobody ever tells me anything. Why am I always the last to know what’s going on around here?”

Mrs. Fitz pressed her lips together. “Because you either got your nose in a schoolbook or your hand in the refrigerator. And when you’re not doing either of those, you’re in the shower. Never seen anybody take so many showers. It’s a wonder you haven’t grown webbed feet.”

“Showers relax me.”

Jake looked at her sidewise.

“Sometimes they relax me.”

A horn tooted outside, and Mrs. Fitz scrambled back upstairs. “That’s Harry. Tell him I’ll be right there. I’m just going to fetch my things.”

Berry held tight to Jake’s hand. “Mrs. Fitz is leaving! Do something.”

“I offered to help with her luggage, but she said she was traveling light.”

Berry grunted in exasperation. “I’m not talking about luggage. I’m talking about Mrs. Fitz and Harry. We have to stop them.”

“Why?”

“Why? There are lots of good reasons.”

“Uh-huh.”

“They’re old. What if they have a heart attack going through the desert? What if Mrs. Fitz forgets her blood pressure medicine? What if she can’t find prune juice?”

“You sound like June Cleaver waiting for Wally to come home from his first date.”

“Hell.” She sat on the lowest step, resting her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. Okay, Berry, she thought, what’s the real because? Because I don’t want to live all alone in this terrific house with Jake. Things were happening too fast. One minute she was delivering pizza to Quasimodo, and three weeks later she was engaged. Her stomach told her to take the ring off, but she couldn’t-it was stuck. Stuck on her swollen finger, stuck to her love-struck heart. What a mess.

Mrs. Fitz sidled past her wearing jeans and a backpack. “What do you think?” she said, modeling her outfit. “Harry got these duds for me. Pretty nice, huh?”

Harry waved from the front door, and Mrs. Fitz hugged Berry. “Boy, this is gonna be great. Harry and I are gonna live in sin and see the Grand Canyon all at the same time. Isn’t that something?”

Berry followed Mrs. Fitz to the front porch and watched the motor home rumble away. “When I grow up I want to be just like Mrs. Fitz.”

There was the sound of glass breaking, followed by puppy feet clattering across the kitchen floor. Cat and dog burst out the front door and ran straight for Berry and Jake.

Jake snared Jane and carried her into the house. The cat held her ground on the porch, refusing to set foot inside.

“Smart cat,” Berry said. “This house suddenly smells awful.”

Jake’s voice faltered. “I don’t notice any smell.”

“Are you kidding me? Any minute now the paint’s going to start peeling off the walls. It smells like my apartment!”

“That’s impossible.”

“I’d know that stench anywhere. It reminds me of rotten fish in a gym locker.”

Her face reflected total bafflement, and then the significance of the familiar odor began to register in her mind. She held a kitchen towel across her nose and headed for the basement.

“That smell is coming from your lab,” Berry said.

Jake handed Jane over. “I’ll go down and survey the damage.”

Seconds later Jake rushed up the stairs and slammed the door behind him, gasping for air and grinning sheepishly. The expression on his flushed face was half embarrassed little boy and half unrepentant scoundrel.

“Looks like the animals chased each other around some down there and knocked over a few beakers. Nothing dangerous, but this house is going to smell like a dead groundhog for a few days. Even if I shut all the vents and doors, the fumes will still travel through the air-conditioning system.”

The light bulb flicked on in Berry’s head. That stinking odor had kept her from returning to her apartment. And it was manufactured in Jake Sawyer’s cellar. “If there’s one thing I can’t stand,” she said to him, “it’s a sneaky chemist!”