Lyra Parish - Weak Without Him

He ran his fingers through my hair, and my lips hurt from his hard kisses. His tongue wrestled with mine, and he latched onto my hips to steady me. My legs were like noodles and I forced them straight.

Luke moved me toward the bed and gently positioned me on top of the soft mattress. I forced my stuck eyelids open.

Were we really going to do this? Was he really going to fuck me in front of a hundred people when I had no control over my own body?

I didn't want to. I didn't want to kiss him, be close to him, or even pretend.

I wanted my Finn.

I wanted love.

I wanted to be away from here and forget it ever happened.

Luke kissed up my stomach and trailed his lips over my breasts. He moved my face and forced me to look at him, then kissed me again.

"Please, Luke. Please don’t."

I begged him. I wanted him to stop.

An intercom screeched, and my ears rang with an echo.

"We don’t have all night, Luke."

He stood, unbuttoned, and unzipped his pants. The blue jeans fell to the ground. He stepped from them and stood in his boxers. I studied his tattoos, the thirteen, the key, the quote on his chest, then I closed my eyes. This man, this beautiful man, was about to take something so sacred away from me, not my virginity, but my pride, and all for the sake of pretending. For saving my life?

If that were the case, then let me rot, because what was to say she wouldn't still kill me afterward? Nothing protected me, not Luke, not my bastard, no one was my friend down here where the whores, pimps, and prostitutes ran wild. I was a fish out of water who was about to be fucked by a man that I once thought was kind. Someone that I wanted nothing but the best for. Someone who betrayed me to save me but…

Luke climbed back on the bed and inched my panties down my legs. The lace stayed wrapped around my ankles. I wanted to kick and thrash, but barely moved as he positioned himself on top of me.

"Now fuck her," Jesse said. "Do it."

I stared into Luke's blue eyes, and as I tried to focus, the world faded away. I thought I heard gunshots in the distance but I was lost in darkness and couldn't emerge from its depths.

"Please don't." I managed to whisper before completely losing my reality.

Abbot's men were happy to freely shoot semi-automatic weapons. I didn't care for the cold metal between my hands. It felt dangerous, destructible, and foreign, but in that instance, having the extra protection was necessary. I didn't know what to expect when we burst down the doors leading to the whores and pimps who ruled the underground. I never understood why it was underground, considering prostitution was legal in Vegas. Never mind. Behind every whore was a pimp. Those men truly ruled the underground with their love of money, crime, and disrespect for women. It sickened me and only fueled my hate.

As I passed, women offered cheap blowjobs and sex. The group of us scooted past them. They smelled like piss and sex, and I knew the clothes they wore were dirty. Half of them were stoned out of their mind, barely able to make eye contact or keep their heads from bobbing. I knew the horrid side of the business but hadn’t realized it had gotten so bad.

Whispers of meth, heroine, and getting the next fix echoed through the halls. I tried not to stare at them or make eye contact. I often felt like I alone could save the world, but I knew that was a lost cause. I tried once. None of the women wanted to leave, regardless of the protection I offered them. This life was what they knew. This life was what they wanted. Most of them felt as if they weren't good enough to do anything else with themselves; some didn't want to. It saddened me and pissed me off all at the same time.

We entered a room full of gangsters and pimps. Most of them were cowards, but some tried to fight. They were no match for our strength and wits. Although the guns were there for protection, I kept mine strapped across my back and fought with my hands. Too much anger raged inside of me and I needed to release my hatred physically. So I did. Once we cleared the room, we made our way up a set of stairs and turned left. We regrouped ourselves, discussed our tactics, and then entered.

I looked around and saw the hundreds of men and women seated around a glass room that acted as a sex stage for the viewers. Two people were inside. After fighting my way through groups of men, the last thing I imagined seeing was my brother straddling Jennifer in front of a fucking audience. My heart dropped in my chest. I gritted my teeth before swinging the rifle from my back, and shooting rounds into glass that encapsulated them. Men stood and rushed me as women screamed in horror. Did they really think they were fucking safe here in the pits of this shithole?

Abbot fired shots around the room, taking out anyone who came close to me. I wanted to kill them all. That thread that held me together finally snapped and the last bit of my control diminished. Shards of glass shattered across the ground and I went to Luke as he pulled up his underwear and quickly put on his pants.

"What the fuck?" I yelled. I grabbed him by his shirt and slammed my fist into his face. I pushed him to the ground on top of the glass and straddled his body as I continued to slam my knuckles into his face. Luke didn't struggle or push me away. He just took it. Took all of it. My anger. My frustration. My hate. Luke absorbed it all.

"You're fucking despicable," I added.

Abbot grabbed my shirt in his fists and forced me away from Luke. "Stop. Finn. Stop," Abbot said, so calmly that it caught me off guard. I heaved and panted as Luke stood with a bloodied face.

"I deserved that," he said, running his hand across his face.

I tried to move toward him, give him round two, but Abbot blocked me.

"This was planned, Finnley."

Abbot greeted Luke with a hug. "I should have let him give it to you a little longer. Might not have been able to see out of those eyes tomorrow though."

"I didn't think you would show, fucker. Goddamn you were almost too late."

Shock covered my face. "What the fuck?"

I looked between Luke and Abbot, and they smiled.

"Yeah, man. I've been keeping tabs on Luke and where he has been since he left Paris. We didn't tell you because you can sometimes act like the fucking hulk and if he would have told you before I made it here, you might not be standing strong."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Jennifer made a low-pitched moan, and I pushed my way past them. Fucking antics.

"Jenn?" I leaned over the bed and moved her hair out of her face. She was clammy and not completely with me. I pulled her panties up and covered her with my jacket.

"What did you fucking do to her? What did you give her?"

"Rohypnol. But before you flip your shit it was a very small dose. Not like last time," Luke said.

"She's allergic you sick fuck."

I stood and pushed Luke with every bit of my strength in the chest. Abbot shook his head in disapproval. Luke regained his footing and sighed.

"No. She isn't allergic. She almost overdosed before. There is a difference." Luke's tone stayed indifferent. He wouldn't push me right now, not when I had nothing holding me back.

He should have told me. He should have warned me. I went and saw him at his house and he knew where she was. How could he look me in the eye when he knew how upset I was with her disappearance? We would have a long talk about this once we were all safe.

"We need to get the fuck out of here. Now," I said.

I smoothed her hair over her forehead, which was chopped to shreds. I held the strands in my fingers and a part of me broke inside. Looking at her like this, she seemed so helpless. This was not Jennifer. She was a strong woman, but at this moment, I realized how frail she really was. I wrapped my arms around her and held her.