Tessa Teevan - Incinerate

Lucy stares at me like I’ve grown two heads. “You are so far gone it’s not even funny.”

Grinning at her, I take a sip of my beer. “I am. And now that I’ve been without him, I’m itching for my next fix like a fiend.” I know I sound cheesy as hell, but not being with him is turning my brain into mush. I can’t think of anything but him, and if I have to go another night sleeping alone, I’m probably going to go insane.

Lucy reaches her hand across the table and stops my drumming fingers. “I’m sure he’ll be here and you two can get whatever this is figured out. Kale said he’s looked like shit this whole week, and I’m guessing he’s been dying without you just as much as you’ve been, too.”

Is it wrong that I’m inwardly happy to hear that he’s being affected by our time apart? It’s not like I’m doing a victory lap or anything, but I know I couldn’t handle hearing that he was just fine, moving on without me.

Getting up to go grab another drink, I notice that Lucy only has iced tea. “Want me to get you anything?” I ask, but she just shakes her head no.

When I get back with a beer, I scan the room, still not seeing him. Checking my watch, I see that Chris’s band isn’t set to start for another ten minutes. I relax, willing myself to believe that he’ll be here.

“Is your stomach still bothering you?” I ask Lucy as she sips her tea.

She shakes her head, not looking at me as I hear her whisper something. But it’s too low for me to hear. “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

Her head turns towards me and she shocks me with what she says next. “I’m late!” she exclaims, a little louder than I’m guessing she planned because she’s looking around the room, making sure no one heard her.

Leaning in, I narrow my eyes at her. “What do you mean you’re late?”

“I mean I’m late, Charlie.”

Breathing out, I try to wrap my brain around what she’s saying. “Just how late is late?”

Lucy looks me straight in the eyes. “Two weeks. And I’ve been sick every morning since.”

Holy Mother of Shit. “Have you taken a test?” I ask.

She shakes her head, and I lean across the table to take her hand in mine when she answers me. “No, but I’m not an idiot. I’m late, I’m freaking out my morning students by running to the bathroom every thirty minutes, and my boobs are killing me. I don’t think I need a test to tell me what’s happening.”

Knowing Lucy’s sexual history, I’d normally be horrified, but she confided in me a while ago that Kale’s the only guy she’s been with since she broke up with her latest asshole boyfriend last spring.

“Is it—?”

She nods before I can even get the words out.

Falling back in my chair, I say the only thing that comes to mind. “Damn.”

She echoes my thought. “Yeah, damn. But the thing is, Charlie, I’m scared to take the test, but not for the reason you’re probably thinking. I’m afraid I’m going to take it and learn that I’m not pregnant. Because for some reason, the idea of being a mom? It’s as thrilling as it is scary.”

Again, I say, “Damn.”

She laughs, shaking her head. “I know. It’s crazy. Who would’ve thought, right?”

“Well, whatever you do, I’m here for you every step of the way. And I’ll be the best Aunt Charlie ever, got it?” She nods as I continue. “But you’re going to have to find out officially. And you’re going to have to tell him.”

“I know. I will. It wasn’t until I was looking at my calendar today that I realized I was even that late.”

“Late? Jesus, I’m thirty minutes late and you two are already complaining? Give a guy a damn break. I had to make myself look pretty for the ladies,” Kale says as he approaches the table. Lucy’s eyes widen, but I shake my head, pretty sure he didn’t hear anything but the tail end of that conversation.

I look around and my heart falls when I realize he’s alone. He heads to the bar to grab a drink, and I notice Lucy’s pale face.

“You have to tell him, Luce.”

“I will. Let’s just get through tonight, and I’ll do it tomorrow.” I furrow my brow at her, but she insists. “I swear it. I already have tests under my sink, and I figure he’ll be coming home with me. Just…let’s enjoy tonight, okay?”

Nodding, I drop it when Kale returns to the table. A few minutes later Chris’s band takes the stage, and I watch the door during the first couple of sets, but he never shows up.

An hour and a half and few pitchers of beer later, I’ve all but given up when the band leaves the stage—all except for Chris. He settles in behind the keyboard, leaning into the mic.

“We don’t usually do this, but tonight we’ve got a special guest who’s going to be joining me on the stage.”

I’ve realized that Knox isn’t coming. Dejected, I turn around and pay attention to the stage, wondering who the mystery guest is.

The stage darkens as Chris begins to play the keyboard, and I immediately recognize the song as he leads into the intro. Moments later, I can hear a voice offstage begin to sing. My heart’s racing, and the moment he steps onto the stage, strumming his guitar as he plays in unison with Chris, he takes my breath away.

Lucy grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze, but I can’t look away. I can see his eyes scouring the audience until he finally sees me, locking his eyes on mine, and I know he’s singing to me. I’m enraptured as I listen to his smooth voice as it fills my ears, but I’m also confused. This isn’t our song. It’s not us. This is a song about giving up, saying good bye. This isn’t right, and suddenly I’m terrified at what he’s trying to convey.

His eyes are penetrating my soul when he sings that I’m the one that he loves, and I lose it because I know what’s coming next. I’m not sticking around to hear him say goodbye in public. I get out of my seat and I’m almost to the door when I hear the next line. He’s changed it up, and I turn, seeing that he’s left the stage and is coming towards me. Instead of saying Can’t Say Goodbye, he’s singing new lyrics, telling me he’ll never say goodbye.

Setting his guitar down, he stops right in front of me. His hand cups my cheek, forcing me to look at him. Chris is still playing the song, and I swear, the bar is silent as they watch Knox and me. He looks down at me, and I want nothing more than to lean up and kiss him, to let him know that everything between us is okay, but there’s something in his eyes that’s telling me not to.

When he pulls me into his arms, I feel his warm breath on my neck and against my ear as he sings only loud enough for me to hear. “You’re the one that I love, and I’ll never say goodbye. So say something, but please don’t give up on me.” It doesn’t exactly flow the way the original song does, but his words fill my heart. I’m overjoyed.

“Knox, what are you saying??” I ask, needing to hear it directly from him.

As Chris continues to play the song in the background, Knox presses his forehead against mine. “These past few days have been the worst of my life. I realized that I can’t live without you, and I don’t want to. But at the same time, I know you were right. I had things I needed to deal with. So I did. I let it all go, sweetheart. Nothing about my past matters when it comes to spending my future with you. And that’s what I want. My future only consists of you, and there’s nothing else for me. I’m sorry it took me so long to say. I’ve been kicking myself for days for being an idiot.”

Sniffing as he pauses, I look up into his eyes. “You want a future with me?”

His thumb strokes my cheek as he gazes down at me. “What I’m saying, babe, is that I love you. I love you more than I ever imagined, and I should’ve told you the moment I knew it. Please don’t give up on me. I know I’ll probably fuck things up in the future, but I’m learning.”