Robert Asprin - Class Dis-Mythed

"It was exciting," Bunny replied. "Almost like one of the games I scry in my PDA."

"You're a crystal fan?" Markie asked.

I knew they'd found a bond.

"I'll get some wine," I said, and hurried down to the cellar.

When I returned with two sloshing pitchers, it was clear that I had been the main subject of conversation.

"Skeeve, Bunny told me all about what happened a couple weeks ago," Markie said, her tiny face serious. "I agree with her. I think the so-called 'gag' with that grenade was meant to take you out."

"I don't agree," I said. "What good would it do anyone?"

"A notch in someone's belt is a good enough reason. Take it from me. I know all the excuses people give for hiring me. You're temporarily out of the picture. Who wants you out permanently?"

"No one!" I protested then hesitated. I was sure I had tied up all of my loose ends when I took my sabbatical. Bunny had assured me her uncle was only disappointed, not angry, that I had stepped away from protecting his business interests. There had been a lot of people I had tangled with in the past, but most of them understood that it was business, not personal. I'd done my best to make sure I parted with everyone else on civil if not cordial terms. I shook my head.

"Well, maybe it isn't you who is the target, but these apprentices are all kids. What value is there in seeing one of them out of the picture? Which one of them is worth killing innocents as collateral damage? You know, if you hadn't gotten rid of that bomb and it detonated unobserved, it would have destroyed not only the inn but half the forest. Have you really checked out these students? Do you really know who they are?"

"They were all brought to me by people I trust," I said, surprised.

"Maybe it's your ex-partner," Melvine said, popping into the room. He sauntered over and helped himself to wine. "It wouldn't be the first time someone's ex-partner took him out, for money or just to take care of unfinished business. At least, that's what I see in the Magik Lantern pictures."

Markie blinked out of existence and reappeared on the other side of the room beside her nephew. She slapped him soundly upside the head.

"Hey!" he whined. She shook a finger at him.

"You watch who you are speaking to in that disrespectful fashion. This is Skeeve, whom I trust a lot more than I trust you. He built a magikal business with contacts you just wouldn't believe. He was trusted by Don Bruce with his most precious operations, and by plenty of others who had plenty to lose."

"Yeah, but he isn't doing it any more," Melvine said.

"I'm just on vacation," I gritted out, saying something even I wasn't sure was true. Yet.

"Oh. Well, that isn't what it sounds like when you and Miss Bunny talk."

"That's it," Markie breathed in a very quiet voice that sounded like the first quiet rumblings of an approaching earthquake. I was once again reminded that she, too, had been at Elemental School. "I'm taking you back to Cupid to learn a little respect. You have been eavesdropping on him?"

"I—er—" Melvine looked very guilty and frightened.

I stepped in. "It's not that big a deal, Markie," I said soothingly.

The little round face hardened. "Forgive me for contradicting you, Skeeve. You were good to me when I didn't deserve it, and you gave me respect even when I did not earn it. I admire that, as I told you. I was hoping Melvine could pick up a few lessons in decency as well as control. I am saying that this young imbecile is showing that he's forgotten even that amount of training in basic manners, and he needs remedial classes to correct that failure."

Now the younger Cupy was sweating. Perhaps Markie was right, but it sounded as though the punishment she was threatening far outstripped what I saw as a minor infraction.

"Come on, Markie. It's not as though this place is soundproofed. Anyone could have overheard us if they tried. The Pervects* hearing is so sensitive, I bet they wouldn't have to come all the way downstairs to hear us talking."

"See?" Melvine said. "He doesn't deny it."

Markie gave me and Bunny a very pained smile. "Will you excuse us, please?"

She and Melvine vanished.

When they reappeared, Melvine looked chastened. He came up to me with his head bowed.

"Sir, I would like to apologize. I knew eavesdropping was wrong. I won't do it again."

His respectful tones almost knocked me off my feet. I eyed him to make sure it wasn't sarcasm, but I couldn't detect a trace of it. Markie was one tough disciplinarian.

"Thanks, Melvine," I replied. I glanced at Markie, a question on my face.

"Just using a little family leverage," Markie said, her eyes still flashing with anger. "Git!" she snapped.

Melvine got. He vanished out of the room in a BAMF.

I whistled. "That wasn't necessary, but it was impressive."

"If you don't keep the fear of Crom in him he will relapse," Markie said tonelessly. "That's been his problem all along. He gets comfortable, he gets confident, then he gets cocky. He'll listen better from now on."

"I'm not an experienced teacher, but I think he really is doing well. You would be surprised how much work he's really putting in."

"I would," Markie said with a sigh. "I'm sorry you had to see that. My guess is that he started listening in on your conversations at night to find out what the lesson is for the next day."

"Oh," I said, subdued. "Bunny and I never really talked much about that."

"Have you got a room for me?" Markie asked.

"Why?"

"Because I'm staying. Your big bodyguards aren't here any more, and you need backup. I may not have their presence, but I pack my own punch."

"That's a good idea," Bunny said.

I have to admit I stared. Bunny grimaced.

"Don't seem so surprised. I may not have been crazy about Markie before, but even if I wasn't—coming around, I'm not going to let my dislike jeopardize your life. What if she's right?"

"No, thanks," I said firmly. "Either I'm the target—and as you point out, that won't be the first time—or I'm not. I'll handle the next attempt when it comes. Face it, Markie, Melvine won't learn if you're here watching him. He'll just do what you want, or what he thinks you want. Go on. You can drop in and visit again, if you want. Any time."

"You'd better believe I will," Markie said. "You be careful, all right? I can get messages sent through a crystal ball. Bunny can find me if you need me."

"I won't need you," I assured her. "Come on, let's eat."

I gave the students the afternoon off. Now that I was aware of potential threats, I felt fairly confident I could handle them, but I wasn't a fool. I set up little traps of magikal interference, so I would know if anyone made another attempt on my life or Bunny's.

Taking Markie's advice a little further, I investigated the students' backgrounds. I was kicking myself for not having done it before. I ought to know the risks of trusting people to be what they seemed on the surface, but I couldn't help it. Now I had to backtrack and take care of the thing I should have done first.

Ironically enough, Melvine, the biggest troublemaker, was the only one whose provenance was absolutely without reproach. Markie felt she owed me an apology and a debt. I had kept her secret for some time now. It was leverage that she couldn't take away from me, unless she went out of business. She would not be the one to land me with a fake nephew to finish the job she had failed at all those years ago.

I believed that Chumley thought he knew Tolk had no secret agenda or unsavory connections. If he had, Chumley would never have brought him to me. But what if there was some dark past the seemingly amiable Canidian had concealed from his benefactor? I left a message for Chumley with his mother, asking where he'd met Tolk and how long they'd known each other. Then I dimension-hopped to Deva and the Bazaar.