Robert Asprin - Class Dis-Mythed

When we broke for lunch, the sour expression Tolk shot at the Cupy suggested to me that Melvine had had one more success. At the far end of the table, Melvine was bragging to Bunny how he lured Tolk into his own leaf-covered pit, from which Chumley had hauled him out.

"Isn't he being unfair, Master Skeeve?" Tolk demanded, slamming a paw down on the edge of his plate of green meat.

"Yes and no," I said, swiftly fielding the cold gobbets of flesh with a small net of magik. I put them back on his plate. I'd had plenty of time to think about it while guarding the road. "On the one hand, Melvine's not being a team player, but that should come as no surprise to you. He hasn't shown a lot of loyalty to the group."

"Hey!" Melvine protested.

"On the other hand, his behavior is fair because in the field you are going to have outside distractions. Pologne, you forgot you had an objective out there. Melvine exploited your temper by picking on you. You fell for it and forgot to be vigilant. That's not his fault."

"I should have ignored him pitching acorns at me?" she asked, her yellow eyes molten gold with anger.

"Probably." I shrugged. "It was childish of him, but your reaction didn't do you any credit."

"I suppose that kind of thing never happened to you."

"Wrong," I said coolly. "It happens to me all the time. Any of my friends will tell you that I have gotten distracted often, but I try not to let it jeopardize my mission. Or I try to turn the situation around and make a winner out of my mistake. Most of the time you can, if you try. Don't make the assumption that I'm trying to pass myself off as perfect. That's not why you came to me, is it? You came because you want to know what's effective. Let me tell you, nothing teaches you faster than making mistakes. Freezia, you and Bee got tagged because you didn't hear Crunch sneaking up behind you. You knew he could move silently, because he arrived here without having alerted everybody else for miles around.

He just made noise when he got here. And did I mention his skills at surveillance?"

"Yes," they all chorused peevishly. I nodded. My point had been made.

"He didn't catch me," Jinetta said.

"Root cellar," Chumley announced. "Not have time before lunch."

"Oh!" The Pervect's eyes flew wide open.

"Or me," Melvine added.

"Got you once," Chumley said. "Left. Yes?" he asked Bunny.

"Yes. Melvine broke jail," Bunny said. "I think you caught him first, didn't you, Big Crunch?"

"Yes."

"Cheater!" Pologne sneered at him.

"Whiner!" Melvine gibed back.

"Stop it!" I said. "Let's start over this afternoon. Everyone's out of jail again. This time, keep your mind on your task. Give Crunch something to worry about."

Thus challenged, the six students stalked out of the inn like gunfighters heading for a showdown. Chumley stayed at the table long enough to finish one more cup of tea, dabbed at his lips with a napkin, then rose.

"Better go see what they've thought up, what?" he asked cheerily.

The twilit sitting room smelled strongly of wet Troll. Chumley sat in front of the fire wringing his fur out into a bucket while my six pupils sat looking as smug as cats fed an exclusive diet of canary.

"Four times?" I asked one more time to make sure I'd heard it correctly.

"Yes," the Troll said. I couldn't tell if he was speaking as Big Crunch, or as Chumley himself being terse.

"They threw you in the pond four times?"

"Not say again!"

I turned to the class. "I'm impressed. How did you do it?"

The three Pervects glanced at one another. Finally, Jinetta spoke.

"Well, you said to give Crunch something to worry about. Freezia here realized that none of us could take him on by ourselves."

"So. You decided to work together?"

"Was that against the rules?" Tolk asked, his big brown eyes sad.

"Not at all!" I said. Inwardly, I was pleased. Whatever it took to get them cooperating again. Chumley's pride would heal. "Let's hear the details."

"Well, he caught Pologne again," Jinetta began. "But before he could get her back to the inn, we devised a little trap."

"Little!" Chumley exclaimed.

"Bee really designed it," Freezia said.

"It wasn't much," Bee said modestly. "Just a deadfall attached to a rope sling with a sled made out of branches that catapulted its load into the pond. Very simple, really. Tolk tied all the knots."

"I almost fell in the water with him," Pologne said excitedly. "After that, I came up with another surprise. It was easy after the first one, because all I had to do was dig a shallow pit and cover it with leaves so it looked like a trap. Then we draped a tarpaulin in between a couple of rocks on the bank and covered them with dirt and roots so it looked like the path continued around that way. And he fell right in!"

By now, Chumley's head was hanging in shame.

"Then, we levitated him over—" Melvine began. I held up a hand to halt his narrative.

"I understand," I laughed. "We don't have to relive every one of the splashes." Melvine looked disappointed. I turned to Chumley. "Big Crunch, I think your seminar has been a huge success."

"More than huge," Chumley mumbled. "They did good job."

"Top marks," I said. "Everybody, take the evening off. You've earned it."

Tolk dashed to the door then back to Bee. "I'm taking a walk! Come with me!"

The young soldier scrambled up from his bench. "Why not? Permission to go walkies, sir?" ? "Granted," I said. "Have fun."

"How about you?" Tolk asked the Pervects.

"That's very nice of you," Pologne said, "but I'm just dying to have a hot bath."

"Okay okay okay! Tomorrow?"

"Maybe. Thanks."

Freezia approached Pologne almost shyly. "I noticed your manicure got snagged while you were stringing up those nets. I'm going to do my nails. Would you like to use my buffer?"

"Oh, yes!" Pologne exclaimed, clearly grateful for the detente.

"Then we can try on each other's clothes," Jinetta said. "I think you'd look lovely in my new twinset, Freezia. I know it'll be a little long on you, but that's the style this season, you know."

"That is so nice of you, Jinetta!" Freezia beamed. "I love that sweater set." They bustled toward the stairs. The exchange didn't have the warm friendliness that they had arrived with some weeks before, but it was less tinged with fear and distrust than some of their earlier exchanges.

"I thought they'd never leave," Melvine said. He stumped out of the room.

Chumley let out a low whistle. "That's a formidable lot you have there, old scout. Particularly when they do put their minds to it to work together."

"Yes, it is," I said. "It's a shame they'll never see each other again when they leave."

"The girls will," Bunny said. "But I've noticed they really shine when they add their talents to the guys'."

I shook my head. "I may suggest they join forces, but they have to go their own ways. It's a shame, if you ask me. They could put their mark on the world."

Chumley eyed me with amusement. "Someone to assume the mantle of M.Y.T.H., Inc., perhaps?"

I grinned back. "Don't give ME any ideas, Chumley. I'm still trying to make up my mind what I want to do when I grow up."

Late that evening, I went to look out at the stars. I had been enjoying the company, but the wide open night sky reminded me I occasionally craved solitude. Sometimes I liked it when it was just me and the universe.

A hard-scaled head came and thrust itself underneath my palm. I grinned and scratched behind Gleep's ears. Just me, the universe and my dragon.

Gleep's head twisted around, and he let out a low growl in his throat. A moment later I heard scratchy footsteps.

"Uh, Skeeve, can I talk to you?"

I relaxed. "Sure, Bee. What is it?"

"Well, sir," the figure moved closer. Bee's homely face, blue in the faint starlight, looked concerned. "I notice you've been watching me pretty closely, and I think you must be disappointed. I wonder if you think I ought to stay or not. I don't think I'm living up to your expectations."