Robert Asprin - Class Dis-Mythed

Jinetta's eyes went wide with panic. "You can't do that!"

"I certainly can," I said. "Someone just put us all in danger, and he or she won't admit it."

"Oh, please," she begged. "Don't send us away. We need you."

"That's right," Tolk said. "Come on, Skeeve. One little explosion."

"Little?" Bunny squeaked indignantly. "That could have taken out half the Bazaar."

"Master Skeeve, I wish you'd reconsider," Bee said. "I've learned more in a week and a half from you than from anyone I have ever known, except for Sergeant Swatter, of course. I don't know about my fellow students, but I bet we all feel the same."

The others nodded vigorously.

"I'm not responsible for your feelings," I said. "I just discovered that one of you is capable of playing a nasty trick on the rest, me included, and I have no intention of giving you a second chance at it."

"I didn't do it!" Melvine sniveled. "Aunt Markie will kill me if you send me home!"

"Skeeve, we really need your help. Don't send us away now," Freezia pleaded, twining her arms around one of mine and looking up at me with big, beseeching eyes. The effect of Pervish orbs of green-veined yellow was more frightening than wistful, but the emotion behind them was clear. "What about the rest of us? One of us might be a joker, but the other five are all very sincere students, and we are really enjoying our lessons. Honestly." My resolve wavered.

"Well—"

Pologne attached herself to my other arm. "I know we've been touchy. I mean, I know I have. I'll keep my temper better. You're right: we have so much to learn from each other. Please, be fair."

I sighed. She'd just hit me right where I live. I wanted to be fair, and punishing five for the sins of one was not. "All right. I'll give the bomber one chance. I'll be in my study until dinner. If he or she comes around and tells me the truth, I'll reconsider. No guarantees."

"We understand," Jinetta said, her head bowed. The group filed out of the room.

Massha clicked her tongue. "Well, my lesson sure went off with a bang. Don't worry, Skeeve," she added as I frowned. She held up her Cone of Silence amulet. "No one can hear past this."

"Thanks," I sighed, and slumped into a chair. "I'm sorry about the ring. I know you treasured it because it came from Hugh."

"I'll get over it," she said. "I've still got the man. Trinkets don't matter. He'll find me something else just as deadly."

"Why didn't you just send them all home?" Bunny asked, standing over me with her arms folded across her chest. "I told you something was up."

"This could just be an accident," I said. "Someone thought he or she would be funny, and it blew up—literally—in their face."

"Or it could be an attempt to kill someone in the group," Bunny said, eying me. "You're too trusting, especially when you're the most likely target."

"Me?"

"Well, who else? They're all too young to have made enemies. But you're the Great Skeeve! It's not like this is the first time a rival magician has decided to try and take out the opposition."

"Why me? I'm not even in the lineup right now. I'm out of the picture."

Bunny eyed me. "Just the perfect time to take a stab at you, if you'll pardon the expression. I told you this morning I was worried. I think you ought to go to Uncle Bruce and ask for a couple of his men to watch your back. I know Guido and Nunzio would jump at the chance to help you out. They miss working with you. Both of them have said you're the best boss they ever had. In fact, they'd do it out of friendship, no contract involved."

"No!" I said, jumping up. "I won't impose on friends. They have another job to do. Bunny, I appreciate your concern, but I don't need outside bodyguards. I've got Gleep."

My pet raised his head from where it rested on his stubby forearms.

"Gleep!" he announced, looking as brave as a baby dragon could.

"I've got you," I continued, "and my own wits."

"And me," Massha added. "There's no way old Massha's going to let you twist in the wind."

"Thank you, Massha, I appreciate it, but go ahead and go home. Fortunately, you only had one exploding ring. If this was a serious assassination attempt, the perpetrator would have had his or her own bomb. This looks more like a prank or a crime of opportunity. I can try and draw whoever it is out into the open."

"Assassination is not really your field, Hot Stuff," Massha reminded me.

"I'll call Tananda," Bunny said, pulling Bytina out of her purse. The little red PDA snapped open at once, and images danced off her palm-sized crystal mirror. "That IS her field."

I clapped the little device shut. "No, don't. I can handle this. Let's see if he tries again."

"Or she," Bunny said.

"Whoever it is," I agreed. "Now, if you'll excuse me," I squared my shoulders, "I've got to go set a trap."

I sat in my office with my back to the door. I was trying out the Manticore's stunning serum on a housefly I had caught in a glass bottle. It hadn't moved for at least five minutes by my candle. The process had taken less than a pinpoint's worth of venom. This could be a great tool—or a weapon.

Footsteps approached, brushing along the flagstone floor in the corridor. My door creaked open slowly. I didn't tarn around.

"Skeeve?" a quiet voice said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Pass the potatoes, please," I said.

Silently, Jinetta picked up the earthenware dish and handed it down the table to me.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," the tallest Pervect mumbled, dropping her eyes to her bowl.

Bunny sat at the head of the table, cutting her meat into very small pieces as if she was looking for hidden explosive devices. No one spoke except to ask for food.

I wasn't much of a conversationalist myself. Nothing I had done that day had turned out the way I planned it. The spell-sharing exercise had turned out to be a disaster. Someone had broken into the strongbox in an effort to frame one of the students for theft, and I still had no idea why. Massha's long-awaited demonstration had been derailed by either an attempt at assassination or a foolish mishap. I had sent my regrets back to Hugh, apologizing for the destruction of his anniversary gift to Massha and offering to replace it at my own expense. I knew that it was an inadequate gesture, but what could I do? Massha herself had forgiven me, but I had not forgiven myself. It had happened right under my nose. At the moment I was leaning toward deliberate sabotage. Replaying the events in my mind, I could see a pattern where no one had made a serious attempt to get rid of the ring-bomb. In fact, it looked to my mind's eye as though at least three of them had made efforts to keep the device from leaving the room.

My trap to catch the student who had set it off had failed spectacularly. Or, rather, it had worked too well. I didn't get one confession from the attempted bomber: I got five. They all confessed, everyone except Bee.

One by one, as dusk came on, they crept into my study. With shamed faces and the utmost sincerity they all apologized for having made a stupid mistake and being too ashamed to admit it. Melvine's confession had been particularly impassioned, which surprised me, in light of the fact that he had never taken the blame for a single thing he had ever done, but his statement was almost word for word what the others said.

"Look," the Cupy said, giving me a sheepish, sideways grin, "the ring was just sitting there. You know I can't keep from fiddling with things. I wanted to see what it looked like with the spell armed, so I invoked it. The bezel started glowing. Then I got curious about what the other buttons did. I played with them a little. One of them turned out to be the failsafe. I knew as soon as I touched it that was the wrong thing. I couldn't get it to turn off. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't disarm it. I couldn't throw Massha's ring out the door without admitting what I had done. I should have said something right away. Instead, I just left it on the cloth with the other jewelry. I'm sorry. Don't tell the others. I feel like an idiot already."