Amy Cross - Persona

I open my mouth to tell him to go to hell, but the word catch in my throat. I’ve known for a while now that whispers are spreading, but it’s still a shock to have that fact so boldly confirmed.

“I’m sorry,” he says, taking a step back. “Clearly I’m interfering. Forget I said anything.”

He turns to walk away, but I instinctively reach out and grab his arm.

“What people?” I ask.

“I don’t want to cause trouble.”

“What people?” I hiss, feeling as if I’m on the verge of panic.

“I saw what happened earlier,” he continues, “and I’m certain I don’t need to tell you that your authority got chipped away a little more. Every time something like that occurs, you’re edging closer to the moment when your enemies decide to take action. That Deckard guy doesn’t seem to like you very much. In fact, I can’t shake the feeling that he might have some plans cooking.”

“Deckard just wants to help,” I reply, desperately trying to believe my own words. “He’s tough, but he’s on my side.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“I…” Pausing, I feel a shiver of fear in my chest. “Yes,” I say finally. “I believe it.”

Turning, I make my way toward my hut. Before I can get there, however, I spot Deckard over by the treeline, engaged in what looks like a deep and somewhat intense conversation with a small group. Ellis is there, as is Alison Broaden, and one of the newcomers, Ben, is also with them. I know I shouldn’t get paranoid, but I can’t shake the feeling that they’re locked in some kind of conspiratorial discussion. Slowing my pace a little, I watch as Deckard continues to talk. Damn it, I wish I could lip-read.

“See?” Harold says suddenly as he reaches me again. “That’s what I’m talking about. You need to watch your back.”

“I’ll be fine,” I mutter, although I can’t stop watching as Deckard seems to be giving orders to the others. In turn, they’re paying attention to his every word. I guess my suspicions about Deckard were right all along.

“You might be fine,” Harold continues, “or you might not. I know I’m an outsider here, but that gives me a certain perspective. How many people have you got in this town? Forty? Fifty?”

“Fifty-six,” I reply, before turning to him. “Fifty-nine now, after the three of you arrived.”

“That’s a lot for one person to keep under control. Have you considered sharing your responsibilities and—”

“Steadfall’s mine,” I say firmly.

“But if—”

“Everyone knew that when they came,” I continue, unable to hide my sense of irritation. “I wanted a place to call my own, so I established one. People started to show up, offering to help in exchange for being allowed to stay. Maybe I shouldn’t have let them, maybe I should have kept it small, but… The choice is made and Steadfall is the one thing I remember about my—”

I catch myself just in time. He doesn’t need to know about my reasons for maintaining control of this place. No-one needs to know why the name Steadfall is so important to me.

“You’re the prime,” I remember Doctor Phillips telling me all those years ago, when I was just a little girl. “That’s why I need you to focus on something important. You need to focus as hard as you can, because the other little girls will try to swamp you.”

As much as I hated her, and still do, I know she was right.

“Maybe you should have kept the town small,” Harold says with a smile, “but you didn’t. Do you know what this Steadfall joint reminds me of? The wild west. Have you ever seen images from history of those little towns that used to get built in the United States back in the nineteenth century? I mean, you don’t have horses here, and frankly you’re lacking a lot of other luxuries like glass and metal, guns, that sort of thing… But in spirit, and to some extent in terms of how it looks, Steadfall seems like some kind of wild west town way, way out in the sticks. It’s actually kind of cool, but if you know anything about history at all, you’ll understand that maintaining control might not be too easy.”

“I don’t need your advice,” I tell him firmly. “I appreciate the effort, but I’d appreciate it more if you’d make yourself useful. I have to go and do a few things in the forest. Let me handle my own problems.”

“Just trying to help.”

“Well, don’t!”

He pauses, as if he’s going to keep pestering me, but finally he seems to get the message.

As Harold walks away, I can’t help turning to look at Deckard, and I quickly see that his little gathering has dispersed. The last thing I need is to get paranoid, but I have no doubt that Harold was right. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to re-assert my authority around here. Either that, or Steadfall will be taken away from me.

“Rest in peace, old guy,” I mutter as I twist a makeshift grave-marker into the ground. It’s nothing special, just a piece of wood with Harry’s name carved into the side, but I’ve made it a point to bury the dead properly. Not only because of sanitation issues, but also because I think everyone deserves a grave. We’re not animals.

Glancing at one of the other grave-markers nearby, I spot Jude’s name carved into wood. Even after everything she did to me, I made sure to bury her once her body washed ashore.

“If you could see me now…” I whisper.

For a moment, I think back to the days when Jude and I used to wander the island. At the time, I felt lost and disconnected, but now I’m tempted to go back to that old lifestyle. After all, I came to the island to get away from human civilization, not to recreate it in the mud.

“You’re prickly around other people,” I remember Jude telling me once. She knew me so well. “You over-think things, and sometimes you end up going off the deep-end.”

She was right.

I wish I could talk to her now, but eventually she turned against me. I learned a valuable lesson that day. No matter how much someone seems to be on your side, they’ll betray you if they think it’s in their best interests. Jude did it, and now Deckard’s headed the same way.

I can’t trust anyone.

Suddenly I hear footsteps in the distance, and I turn to look back through the forest. At first I don’t see any sign of life, but after a couple of seconds I spot a few figures making their way between the trees. I hold my breath for a moment, waiting to make absolutely certain that they’re from Steadfall, and then I relax a little as soon as I recognize Ellis and Bean. They usually go off in the afternoons to check the farthest rabbit snares, so I guess this is normal behavior for them, although I stay low and make sure not to attract attention while they make their way over the crest of a small hill and disappear from view. After everything that has happened today, the last thing I need is to get into any more ‘discussions’ with people who don’t agree with how I handled the Harry Shaw situation. The worse things get, the more inclined I feel to be alone out here away from town.

Unfortunately, as I get to my feet, Harold’s words are still ringing in my ears. He’s only been in town for a few hours and he already sees that I’m struggling.

Hearing more footsteps, I turn and look over my shoulder. At first I assume that it’s just more people from Steadfall going about their business, but after a few seconds there’s still no sign of anyone. I take a step forward, waiting to hear them again, but now the forest has once more fallen silent. Reaching down, I check that my knife is still securely tucked into my waist-band.

“Hello?” I call out cautiously. “Who’s there?”