Kim Harrison - Dates From Hell

“How did you know—” Kyle began, but Jill cut him off.

“Today, you”—she glared at her brother—“finally had the nerve to ask her out, and Claire accepted. Unfortunately, she’d already agreed to help me out tonight. The only fair solution was to do both. She didn’t want to,” Jill added. “She just wanted to go out with you, but I blackmailed her into it by threatening to tell you about her new…er…abilities. Okay? Now kiss and make up.”

There was a moment of silence as Kyle surveyed Claire/Brad, then he raised his eyes to his sister and said succinctly, “Out.”

Jill opened her mouth as if to protest, then seemed to think better of it and shrugged. “I’ll be waiting in the hall.”

She disappeared from the top of the booth and they heard the tap of her heels as she exited the stall and left the men’s room.

Kyle sighed with relief and turned to Claire.

She stared up at him wide-eyed, her palms suddenly sweaty at the idea of his finally kissing her, but after a hesitation, Kyle cleared his throat and shook his head. “I know it’s you in there, but do you think you could change back to yourself now? I really don’t want to kiss you as Brad.”

“Oh.” Claire jerked up the pictures she still held in her hand and switched the snapshot of her to the top. She hesitated, suddenly shy, but then bowed her head and concentrated on the picture.

“Wow,” Kyle breathed and Claire relaxed and peered down at herself to see she was back in the black satin dress. She was herself again. Claire glanced up.

“There you are,” he said gently and lifted his hand to caress one cheek, then before she was quite ready, his mouth dropped to cover hers.

Claire stilled, her heart thumping in her chest as Kyle kissed her, then she released a little moan and relaxed against him. For one moment, she’d feared what would happen. What if his kiss wasn’t all she’d imagined it would be? Reality would be hard pressed to compare to more than ten years of fantasy, but there was nothing to fear. Unlike Magda, Kyle knew how to kiss. His mouth was firm on hers, slanting over her own and sending her pulse racing as he slid his tongue out to urge her mouth open.

She opened for him, welcoming him in with an excited gasp that died abruptly as the bathroom door opened outside the stall. They both stood frozen, listening for Jill’s tapping shoes, but there was no tapping.

Releasing her, Kyle moved to the door and peered out at the room beyond through the crack between door and stall. Claire guessed by his frown, and the fact that he didn’t berate Jill, that someone else had entered the bathroom. A man, she presumed since it was a men’s room.

Kyle turned back and raised a finger to his lips to warn her to silence, then a stall door farther down the row squeaked as it was opened. Kyle waited until it had closed, then unlocked their door, and led her quickly out of the stall.

“You changed back!” Jill cried on spotting them.

“Of course, she did,” Kyle said with irritation. “She’s my date too.”

“Yes, but—” Jill said, then hesitated, her expression calculating before she said, “I’ll make a deal with you. She changes back to Brad so that we can leave together, then she’s all yours for the rest of the night.”

Claire’s eyes widened with surprise. “You don’t want me to continue being your date too?”

“No. There’s no need to carry on the charade. Everyone’s seen me with Brad Cruise. That’s all I wanted. Besides, it’s ruining your date.” She glanced from Claire to Kyle. “And it’s not like you can talk anyway. So it’s like a serious instance of show and tell. Well I’ve shown, and told them enough. I can go home happy now.”

Claire felt Kyle relax beside her and knew he was feeling the same relief now coursing through her.

“Then, too,” Jill added with an evil grin, “they’ll all just think I went home to have hot monkey sex with Brad Cruise anyway. And if they don’t, I’ll be sure to spread the rumor myself.”

“Hot monkey sex?” Claire echoed with disbelief. “I’ve got news for you, Jill, I’ve seen two monkeys have sex and it’s not pretty.”

“She’s right,” Kyle informed his sister. “Not pretty at all.”

“Oh God!” Jill shook her head with despair. “Honestly, the pair of you deserve each other. You’re both pathetic. Sex between any species is not pretty. It’s not supposed to be. It’s—” She stopped abruptly, then said, “Eww! You mean like you two have stood there and watched monkeys have sex? That’s sick!”

Claire and Kyle exchanged glances, but Kyle spoke first. “I saw them at University when I was working as a T.A. in the lab. I didn’t stand there and watch, but I saw enough.”

“Well, I did watch,” Claire admitted with a bit of embarrassment. “But it was part of my job at the time, we were studying…” She paused and shook her head. “Never mind. Let’s get me changed and get you and Brad out of here, so Kyle and I can have our date.”

“Good idea.” Jill led her into the empty women’s washroom, and into a stall.

“Hey!” she protested when Kyle squeezed in with them.

“I want to see,” Kyle said.

“Well, get up on the toilet seat then,” Jill ordered after a hesitation. “That way if anyone enters and peers under the stall door it won’t look so weird. They’ll just see that two women are in here.”

“And that’s not weird?” Kyle asked with disbelief.

“Not as weird as two women and a man,” she pointed out dryly. “We could just be gossiping, or comforting one another over something. Just get on the toilet,” she finished when he stared in doubt.

Shrugging, Kyle carefully maneuvered himself to stand on the toilet seat and Jill relaxed and turned to Claire. “Okay, go for it.”

Claire lifted the pictures and switched her own to the bottom so that Brad Cruise smiled back at her. She cast an almost apologetic glance Kyle’s way, then turned her attention to the picture. Claire had barely begun to concentrate on the magazine photo when the outer bathroom door opened. Jill half jerked around toward the stall door at the sound, bumping Claire’s hand. She gasped with alarm as the pictures slipped from her fingers. They shot down like paper airplanes, curving to the side on a draft and sliding under the divider between the stalls.

Instinct made Claire bend to grab for them, but then she froze as the door to the neighboring stall suddenly opened. Hissing with alarm, Jill caught at her arm to bring her upright even as Claire saw that she was now wearing the black blazer of Brad Cruise. It seemed she’d managed to change into Brad that quickly. Amazing, she thought, retracting her suit-covered arm before it could be seen. Claire straightened once more and the three of them exchanged slightly embarrassed grimaces as they waited for the woman to finish her business and leave.

All three breathed a sigh of relief when the toilet next door finally flushed and the door opened. Claire immediately bent and peered at the floor in the next stall, frowning when she saw that there was only one picture there now. It was the snapshot, she saw, and it had come to rest near the opposite side of the next stall, too far away for her to reach it at the moment.

“Where’s the other one? Where’s Brad?” Jill asked in a bare whisper against her ear and Claire shrugged her confusion.

“What is it?” Kyle hissed from his perch on the toilet. They straightened and whispered the explanation to him. All three stared at each other blankly, each trying to sort out where the picture might have gone as they listened to the sound of water running in the sinks in the main part of the bathroom, then Jill’s eyes widened. Lifting her eyebrows in question, she jerked a thumb toward the door.