Sam West: Home Intruder

But it would seem that Ed was in no mood to explain the finer points of their decision.

“Excuse me a moment,” he said, standing up so that the chair legs scraped across the tiled floor.

“Where are you going?” Jaz asked.

“For a smoke.”

The silence in his absence was distinctly awkward.

“I didn’t mean to put my foot in it,” Linda said. “I should go after him.”

“That’s really not necessary,” Jaz said, her heart inexplicably quickening.

“Oh, but I think it is.”

The two women stared at each other across the table.

“He’s only gone outside for a fag. He’ll be back in a minute,” Jaz said, her voice surprisingly calm to her own ears.

Linda smiled, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “I’m going out for a cigarette.”

For the first time in her life, Jaz really wished that she smoked too.

Great. Bitch face is outside sniffing round my husband and I’m trapped in here with Lurch. Just wonderful …

Boko smiled at her through a mouthful of noodles and her stomach cramped.

Outside, Ed sat on the wooden bench, illuminated by the watery puddle of light thrown off from the porch light. He found his hand was shaking when he lit his cigarette.

“Room for one more?” Linda said, sitting down next to him and lighting up.

Fucking marvellous.

“Sure. It’s a free country.”

“I’m sorry for what I said in there. You know, about your mum, and you getting married so soon after she died and stuff.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

He spoke the truth. It didn’t matter. Ed was just mad at himself. Jaz was right, it was ridiculous these people were in their home.

Okay, so their soon to be sold holiday home , but that wasn’t the point. They shouldn’t be here, end of. What he and Jazmine did was none of her fucking business.

“But it does matter, Ed. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was upset you. You and me, we go back a long way.”

“Yeah.”

Ed took the second, and final, hard drag of his cigarette and flicked it into the bushes that ran the perimeter of the neat front garden.

“Can I ask you something, Ed?”

His stomach flipped in apprehension.

Shit, I really cannot be arsed with this.

“Sure. You can ask me inside.”

“No, I really can’t. It’s kinda private.”

“Come on,” he said brightly, already at the front door. “Let’s go in.”

“I still love you Ed. I always have.”

And there it was. The omission that was nothing short of his worst nightmare. He wanted to tell her to fuck off, but his inherent decency prevented him from doing so. He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and counted to three.

When he turned round she was right behind him.

“I love you,” she said, gazing up at him.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Look, Linda, I’m flattered, truly, but it was all such a long time ago. I expect you’re in love with the idea of me, rather than the actuality of me.”

“My Ed. Always the brainbox.”

“Linda, don’t do this. I can pretend that you didn’t say what you just said, if we can go back inside and be normal.”

“How can you pretend I didn’t say it? I love you, Ed. I knew you’d come back to me one day. Oh, Ed.”

She stood on tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting her lips firmly on his.

The kiss caught him completely off guard. Her lips felt horrible and slug like, and about as welcome as a pair of slugs oozing beneath a doorway into a home. Because that was what this kiss was; a violation of his mental and physical space.

He pushed her away and resisted the strong urge to slap her, subconsciously wiping his mouth on the back of his hand.

“Jesus Linda, what the hell are you doing?”

His back was pinned to the door, and she was still in his space.

“I won’t tell Jaz, it’ll be our little secret until we can work out how to tell them.”

“What?” he spluttered, dangerously close to losing his temper.

How dare she put him in this position? For the love of God, he really didn’t need this shit…

A movement over Linda’s head drew his attention, stopping all further thought and words dead.

“Ed? What’s the matter?”

Ed squinted into the darkness, over the road towards the cliff path that was partly shrouded by trees and bushes.

Yes, there was definitely a figure standing beneath the tree. It looked like a man, judging from the height and build. But it was impossible to know for sure, as he or she was entirely in silhouette.

Probably just a dog walker stopping to let Fido crap in the bushes …

But there was something about the figure that put him on edge. If it had been movement that had caught his eye, it was the stillness that held it.

And Ed got more than the distinct impression that he was staring directly at them.

“Ed? What are you looking at?”

“Over there, on the cliff path.”

“What?” she said, spinning round. “I can’t see anything.”

Sure enough, the person was gone.

Maybe I imagined it. Maybe it was a trick of the light…

“You made it up, didn’t you?”

“What? No, of course not. I’m sure I saw someone under that tree spying on us.”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that? If you don’t love me, all you have to do is say. You don’t have to make up stupid distractions.”

Well, I am fucking trying, sweetheart …

“Let’s just go in, okay? I’m cool with this if you are.”

Suddenly he was weary. All he wanted to do was get the silly bitch inside the house and pretend this had never happened.

Linda, however, had other ideas.

“You bastard.”

Calmly, she pulled up her t-shirt over pudding breasts. She popped out a breast over the top of her sturdy bra.

Ed’s heart sank.

“Stop it Linda,” he said, but he felt as helpless as if in the grips of a nightmare.

She merely smiled at him and dug her fingernails into the soft flesh surrounding her exposed, saucer like nipple. She dragged her fingernails over the skin, leaving behind angry, red track-marks. One of the lines welled with blood.

“Oh, Jesus Linda, please don’t do this…”

“Help! Get off me! Boko!”

Her scream pierced his eardrums, and in less time than it took him to think oh fuck , Boko and Jaz were outside too.

“What the fuck’s going on?”

Boko’s voice. And he sounded mad. Ed continued to stare at Linda who still had her scratched tit poking out of her bra with her flabby stomach exposed. In that moment, he hated her so passionately he would have danced for joy if she were to suddenly drop dead.

“I was just out here saying how sorry I was about what I said in there, and he grabbed me and said he would forgive me if I fucked him for old time’s sake.”

Ed shook his head in disbelief. “You need help Linda. And now I’d like the pair of you to get the fuck out of my house.”

Boko threw a punch.

“You arsehole. Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Pain exploded in the side of his jaw and he staggered sideways, clutching his injured face. Jaz screamed and went to him, screaming at Boko as she did so.

“Just go! The pair of you! Get the fuck out of my sight!”

She stood before Ed, defying the bigger man to come any closer. Ed silently watched him, clutching his face. He wasn’t scared. He would fight him if he had too, but by God, he would rather not.

To his relief, a flicker of doubt passed over Boko’s face.

“Hit him,” Linda said with a smile, straightening her clothes. “Hurt him, baby. Make him pay for what he did to me.”