Laurell Hamilton - Never After

My father had married Gisele six months later.

I caught Harwin’s quick look and knew he was remembering my tears at the funeral. He had tried so hard to comfort me, but I would not let him take my hand, or distract me with a story about a new litter of puppies, or even talk to me at all.

I wondered if it was too late to tell him how much I appreciated his effort.

Darius poked his head inside the door before any of us had replied to Dannette. “Oh, good, I was sure you would be here,” he said, crossing the room to flop down beside his sister.

“Free so soon?” she teased. “I was sure we wouldn’t see you again until tomorrow—if then.”

“There was a crisis in the kitchen, and you know she doesn’t like me to worry over small domestic trifles,” he said with a grin. “So I made my escape.”

“Is it always like that?” Gisele asked. “You so favored, Dannette so ignored?”

Dannette laughed but Darius looked embarrassed. “Yes,” he said. “I don’t know how to change her. Apparently she was the same way with my aunts. While my father lived, they were invisible. I think the situation was even worse because my father was the youngest of four, and she had wanted a boy for so long.”

Gisele and I exchanged swift glances, and she spoke up in a quiet voice. “I believe a lot of people pin so many of their hopes on their sons that they have no energy or interest left for their daughters.”

“Perhaps there would not be such emotional inequity if there were economic parity,” Harwin said.

Dannette smiled at him. “I love to hear you speak, but I often have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

Gisele stirred. “I think he means that if women were allowed to inherit more property, parents would find it just as easy to love their daughters. But if they know their property most likely will fall into other hands if they only produce daughters, it is hard to feel much affection for a girl.”

“Which makes me think that if I ever have children, I’m going to try to have a girl,” I said, so fiercely that the rest of them laughed. “Well, I am.”

“I would want a daughter also, if I were ever to have children—but—well—I’m not so sure—” Dannette began, and then floundered a little. This earned another laugh from the assembled group.

“I am supposed to be having a son,” Gisele said with some astringency, “but so far I have not been fortunate enough to conceive at all.”

She didn’t say it like she was sorry for herself, but nevertheless I felt a certain amorphous dread in response to her words. If she bore a son, I was cut out of the succession. If she failed to bear a boy… she might well be dead.

Dannette nudged Darius with her foot. She had slipped off her shoes, and her toes were long and elegant. “What about you? Do you hope for boys or girls?”

Darius looked surprised. “Oh, I never thought much about it,” he said. “I’m not sure I would be a good father. I might be very careless. It’s probably better if I don’t bother with children at all.”

Gisele’s voice was carefully neutral. “Of course, when you’re living at the palace, there will be many servants on hand to care for your children, no matter how many you produce.”

“Living at the palace?” Darius repeated, and then actually blushed. “Oh, right, right! Then, I say, why not have dozens? Boys and girls.”

“Perhaps not dozens,” I said. “If I am to bear them all.”

Darius looked, for a moment, even more abashed, and then he offered me a smile of breathtaking sweetness. “Then we will have just as many as you desire,” he said, reaching out to take my hand.

I wondered if I was the only one in the room who realized, at that moment, that Darius would never be my husband—or if I was the only one who had not realized it until right now.

Gisele made sure the silence did not become awkward. “And you?” she asked Harwin. “Have you given any thought to your own progeny?”

“I have,” he said in his serious way. “I am certain I would welcome any child born to me and a wife I love. And if I am privileged enough to have a daughter, I will fight to give her the same advantages any son of mine might have, and I will not allow her to be placed in any situation that stifled or abused her.”

“Now, there’s the kind of man I wish my own father was,” Gisele said with a sigh. “Or my own husband.”

I had to admit, I was thinking the same thing.

Dannette poked Darius with her foot again. “So how long must we stay here to appease our grandmother?” she asked. “A day? A week? A month?”

He looked as if he hadn’t given the matter a moment’s thought. “Must we stay? Don’t you think we could leave in the morning?”

All of us cried out against that—not because we had any particular desire to linger, but because none of us, even Dannette, could bear the idea of depriving Arantha so soon of the joy of Darius’s company.

“A week, then, I suppose,” Darius said glumly. I wondered if it was the thought of staying put here, or merely of staying put, that made him despondent.

“And then what?” Harwin asked. “Would you travel on to visit nearby sights and cities? Or would you return straightaway to the palace and begin planning your nuptials?”

There was a small blank space of silence, and then, almost in unison, Darius and I said, “Travel on.”

“We are not far from the coast,” Dannette said to me. “If you’ve never seen the ocean, you will find some magnificent views.”

“I would like to make my way to a harbor town,” Gisele said. From the matching looks Harwin and Dannette wore, I knew both of them realized why Gisele was interested in such a destination.

But Darius hadn’t noticed. He said, “My grandmother asked if we were planning to visit Kannerly, since we’re so close.”

Harwin and Gisele exchanged significant glances. “No,” Gisele said tightly.

“What’s Kannerly?” Dannette asked.

I was frowning. “One of my father’s properties,” I said. “He goes there three or four times a year.”

Dannette looked at me. “But you’ve never been?” When I shook my head, she transferred her thoughtful gaze to Gisele’s face. “I wonder why.”

“If you’re to inherit the estate, shouldn’t you at least know what it looks like?” Darius said.

“I don’t think Olivia would find it a very—welcoming—place,” Gisele said. She was still staring at Harwin, who wore an unreadable expression.

“She’ll have to visit it sometime,” he said.

If they were going to be all mysterious, I had better find out what secrets lay at the heart of Kannerly. “I say we should go there now,” I said firmly. “Just as soon as we can get clear of here.”

Gisele wrenched her gaze from Harwin and said, “Olivia, I truly do not think you will enjoy the journey.”

“A princess has many duties she does not enjoy,” I said loftily. “But that does not mean she should shy away from them. We’ll go to Kannerly when we travel on.”

As it happened, we did not stay a full week at Arantha’s house. All of us were restless by the end of the second day, and Darius himself was like a caged hunting cat who had been deprived of too many meals. I enjoyed the chance to sleep in private, bathe in luxury, and spend the days in idleness, but soon enough even I was longing to be on my way. So four days after we arrived, we packed our bags, bid our hostess farewell, and set out again.

Another day and a half of travel took us to Kannerly, where my life changed.

It was a smallish property, accessed off a narrow road devoid of any ornamental planting or fencing. In fact, the ground on either side of the drive was tangled with unkempt vegetation—low shrubs, tall weeds, and the occasional oak standing surprised and doleful on the overgrown land.