Laurell Hamilton - Affliction

‘Requiem is a master vampire, Jean-Claude, and he broke the initial unintentional binding.’

‘I believe he loves you, ma petite , not because of the ardeur , but because of you, and him. Love is never about the object of our love, but always says more about us than them.’

‘What does that even mean?’ I asked.

‘It means that Requiem needs to love someone. He has always been a hopeless romantic, and what is more hopeless than being in love with someone who is in love with others?’

‘You make it sound like he needs therapy.’

‘It would not hurt,’ he said.

I sighed. ‘You think he’d see a therapist?’

‘If we ordered him to do it, he would.’

‘We can order him to make appointments and talk to someone, but we can’t force him to actually do the work. You’ve got to be willing to work on your issues. You’ve got to be willing to face hard truths and fight to get better. That takes courage and force of will.’

‘He has courage, but I do not believe he wishes to recover from this sickness of love.’

‘I can’t help that he cares for me more than I care for him.’

‘No, you cannot.’

‘Back to the crisis at hand,’ I said.

‘You’ve had enough of this topic, I take it.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. I’d actually had more than enough of it, but … ‘One crisis per day, okay?’

‘As you like,’ he said.

‘This isn’t what I like, Jean-Claude. I didn’t know if I’d ever meet Micah’s family, but I didn’t want to meet them this way.’

‘No, of course not, ma petite . The plane is at your disposal. It only remains to choose the guards to accompany you.’

‘How many is minimum?’ I asked.

‘Six.’

‘Two apiece,’ I said.

‘Oui.’

‘Can you arrange for the plane while I do the guards?’ I asked.

‘Of course, and I would suggest that most of the guards be your lovers. You will need to feed the ardeur , and Micah’s grief may make his interest in such things less.’

I nodded, knew he couldn’t see it, and said, ‘Agreed.’

‘I have regretted in the past not being able to take you home to visit my family, because they are long dead, but moments like this remind me that there are worse things than having lost them long ago.’

‘Yeah, losing them here and now sucks a lot.’

He gave a small laugh. ‘Ah, ma petite , you do have a way with words.’

‘I am frowning at you right now, just so you know.’

‘But you do not mean it,’ he said.

I smiled. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘Je t’aime, ma petite.’

‘I love you, too, master.’

‘You always say that with such derision and usually an eye roll. You will never, ever, mean it.’

‘Do you really want me to mean it?’

‘No,’ he said, ‘I want true partners, not slaves, or servants. I have learned that is why I chose you and Richard. I knew you would fight to remain free, to remain yourselves.’

‘Did you know just how hard we’d fight?’ I asked.

He laughed then, and it shivered over my body, making me shut my eyes and shudder at my desk. ‘Stop that,’ I breathed.

‘Do you truly wish me to never do that again?’

My breath came out in a shaking sigh. ‘No,’ I said, at last. ‘I’ll call Fredo and see whom he can spare from the guards I want, and if he agrees with the mix of skills.’

‘I trust you and our senior wererat to work out such details.’

‘Thank you. There would have been a time when you would have insisted on picking them yourself.’

‘There was a time when you were attracted to weaker men, but that has ceased to be true.’

‘Remember, I was attracted to you in my weaker-men days,’ I said.

‘You have made me a better man, Anita Blake, as you have all the men, and women, in your life now.’

‘I don’t know what to say to that. I feel like I should apologize or something.’

‘It is in the nature of some leaders to bring out the best in those around them.’

‘Hey, I’m not in charge of this little metaphysical bus; you are, remember?’

‘I am the political leader, but in an emergency most of our people will take your orders over mine.’

‘That’s not true,’ I said.

‘In a fight, they will.’

‘Okay, if it’s violence, then yeah, it’s what I’m good at. You’re much better at the politics and dinner party stuff.’

‘You have your moments in the political arena.’

‘And only a few of the Harlequin are better than you with a rapier.’ In fact, I’d been a little amazed at how good he was with his chosen weapon. He’d turned out to have been a famous duelist in his day, as a human and young vampire. He’d explained that his blade work had been what allowed him to survive; the masters of the day had challenged him, and he’d chosen his weapon and he’d killed them. I’d never known until he started practicing in the new gym where the other guards and I could see.

‘Are you salving my ego, ma petite ?’

‘I think so.’

He laughed, and this time it was just humor. ‘I do not need it. I am king and you are both my queen and my general. One who leads the charge from the front and always will. You know our guards’ strengths and weaknesses better than I, because you practice and work out with them. You have quite shamed me and some of the older vampires into exercising more.’

‘Most vampires can’t gain muscle; the body at death is what it is, unchanging.’

‘But I can, and my vampires can.’

‘One of the rebel vampires said it’s because you take power from them.’

‘That helps me be powerful, oui , but I believe it is more that my ties to our wereanimals are more intimate. I accept their warm power more as an equal instead of the master/slave relationship that most older masters had.’

‘Yeah, none of this treating the wereanimals like pets and property on our watch.’

‘It is one of the bones of contention with some of the older vampires.’

‘Yeah, they can just suck it up; the wereanimals are flocking to us because of the more equal rights stance.’

‘It is impossible to make everyone happy, so in the end we make ourselves happy and do what we can for others. I want no slaves in my kingdom.’

‘Agreed,’ I said.

‘I must hang up to make the plane ready for you,’ he said.

‘Yes, of course.’

‘You are delaying. Why?’

I had to think about it for a minute, and then I gave him the out-loud, honest answer that once I would have died before admitting. ‘I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to talk to you again, and I’ll miss you.’

‘That makes me happier than I can say, my love. You have quite surprised and pleased me.’

‘If I don’t say it enough, Jean-Claude, I love you. I love seeing your face across the table while we eat, and watching you root at Cynric’s football games, and watching you read bedtime stories to Matthew when he stays with us, and a thousand surprising things, all of it, it’s you, and I love you.’

‘You will make me cry.’

‘A smart friend told me that it’s okay to cry; sometimes you’re so happy it spills out your eyes.’

‘Jason, Nathaniel, or Micah?’ he asked.

‘One of them,’ I said with a smile.

‘Smart friends indeed. We must go and do our tasks, ma petite . Je t’aime , au revoir , until we meet again.’

‘I love you, too, and see you soon.’ I hung up before I could get any sillier or more romantic. But a little bit of squirming embarrassment was totally worth it for the happiness in his voice. If we’d dropped our metaphysical shields we could have felt every breath and emotion, even some thoughts of each other, but it was still good to say the words and to hear them. No matter how weird and magical we might be, having the people you love tell you they love you and mean it … it never goes out of style. Since we’re made in God’s image, this must be from Him, so even God must need an ‘atta boy,’ an out-loud, in-your-head ‘Thank you, great job on that sunset, and the platypus was a brilliant fun idea.’ Maybe that’s why we’re supposed to pray the way we do, because without it God would be lonely. Sometimes I thought my friends who were Wiccan had something with this whole God and Goddess thing. If people worked better paired up and in love, and we were made in God’s image, then logically it seemed like God needed a Goddess. As I got happier in my own love life, I’d started wondering if God was lonely without His Goddess. Maybe I was hanging around with too many pagans?