Simon Green - Property of a Lady Faire

The Doormouse yelled at another Door. It burst open, and a giant mutant killer bee flew out. Just the one, but so damned big it had to force its way through the opening. Twelve feet long from proboscis to stinger, and almost half as wide, with great flapping wings, a vast black and yellow body, and arched, spiky legs. And a buzz so deep it sounded like a roll of thunder. With its huge faceted eyes, it saw Hadleigh approaching, and its stinger pulsed in anticipation. Drops of poison fell from the stinger, to hiss and steam on the floor like acid. Hadleigh strolled right up to the bee without even pausing and punched it so hard in its oversized face that his fist slammed right through the skull and ended up arm-deep in the bee’s head. Its buzz shot up into a pained squeal, and its wings flapped hard as it tried to pull itself away. Hadleigh yanked out his hand, in a flurry of steaming ichor, placed his other hand flat on the bee’s distorted face, and pushed the creature firmly back through the Door. He then slammed the Door shut, and came after us again.

The Doormouse made a high whining noise, of almost spiritual distress, and tried again. Another command opened another Door, and a freakishly long, thick, and warty tentacle shot out and wrapped itself around Hadleigh. The tightening coils stopped him in his tracks, but then shuddered suddenly. The tentacle withered and shrivelled away from the Detective Inspectre, falling to the floor in twitching coils. Hadleigh stepped easily out of them and carried on. The tentacle whipped back through the Door, and it slammed shut.

I hadn’t realised how long I’d been running while looking back over my shoulder, until Molly stopped right in front of me and I crashed into her. The impact threw her headlong on the floor, hard enough to drive all the breath out of her. I had to pick her up and stand her on her feet again. Up ahead was another blank wall. Long rows of Doors still stretched away in every direction, but there was nowhere left to run.

I looked behind me again. Hadleigh had slowed to a walk. He could see he had us cornered. I looked at the Doormouse, who was peering frantically this way and that, unable to make up his mind. He saw Hadleigh coming, pointed a stubby furred finger at the Door nearest Hadleigh, and shouted a single command.

“Eat!”

The Door flew open, and something behind it bellowed hungrily. Hadleigh paused, and looked into the opening. The bellow shut off abruptly, and the Door closed itself, almost apologetically. The Doormouse whimpered, and yelled a series of high-pitched commands. All the Doors between Hadleigh and the three of us opened at once. He walked steadily forward, and every single Door closed itself as he approached, ignoring the Doormouse’s increasingly hysterical commands.

A Door appeared suddenly in the floor right in front of Hadleigh, dropping open like a trap-door. Hadleigh walked across the open space as though it wasn’t there, not even glancing down. Two Doors came flying forward out of nowhere at fantastic speed, on either side of Hadleigh, sweeping in like two great wooden flyswatters. Only to slam to a halt at the very last moment, as though they’d run into an invisible wall. I knew the feeling. Hadleigh looked at each Door in turn, and they vanished.

“You’ll pay for that, Hadleigh Oblivion!” screamed the Doormouse. “Full price!”

Molly stepped forward, rolled up her sleeves, and raised both arms in the stance of summoning. The Doormouse put a gentle paw on her shoulder.

“Don’t,” he said, making a great effort to take command of himself again. “You haven’t got anything that could affect him. And the backlash . . . would be unpleasant. Nothing can stop him.”

“Why?” I said, honestly baffled. “He’s just one man! What makes him so special?”

The Doormouse leaned in close to me, fixing me with a terrible frightened gaze.

“They say he’s realer than us.”

While I was still trying to get my head around that, the Doormouse turned away and fiddled with the combination on the front of a nearby Door.

“There,” he said quickly. “This will deliver you onto the Trans-Siberian Express. Somewhere along the Siberian route. Stick with the train until you feel the presence of the natural gateway. Then get off the train. You’ll have to jump; it doesn’t stop anywhere there. Don’t worry-you’ll know the gateway when you get close enough. Whether you want to or not. Now go! Best of luck, send me a postcard, don’t look back.”

“No,” I said.

“No?” said Molly, stopping just short of the Door. “Really?”

“Really,” I said. “I’m not leaving you to face Hadleigh on your own, Mouse. I don’t leave friends in the lurch. Not even if the enemy is the Detective bloody Inspectre. Just can’t do it.”

“You’re crazy,” said Molly. “But you’re right. Running is one thing; running out on a friend is quite another. Don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s Hadleigh Oblivion,” said the Doormouse, as though that was all the explanation anyone needed. And maybe he was right.

I turned to face Hadleigh, armoured up, and crossed my golden arms over my armoured chest, blocking his way. Molly moved quickly in beside me, glaring at the Detective Inspectre unswervingly, stray magics spitting and sparking around her fists. The Doormouse hid behind us. Hadleigh strolled forward, crossing the remaining space like we were just good friends meeting in the park. He was still smiling easily, not in the least affected by anything he’d been through. He finally came to a halt, an acceptably respectful distance short of me. He looked my armour over like he was thinking of renting it, and then ignored me to smile coldly at Molly.

“Step away from the Drood, witch,” he said. “You can’t protect him. If you even try . . . I’ll have you banned from the Nightside. I might even have you banned from your own private forest. Don’t think I couldn’t.”

“Nuts,” said Molly, and his smile flickered for a moment.

I took a step forward, and his dark eyes turned immediately to me. I unfolded my arms and let him see my spiked golden fists.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” I said. “No one threatens my Molly and gets away with it.”

Hadleigh started to say something, and I lunged forward and took hold of his throat with one golden hand. He grabbed at my wrist with both hands, and then his eyes widened as he found he couldn’t break my grip and he couldn’t get his breath. His lips moved soundlessly, and strange energies flared all around my armour, but none of them could touch me. He summoned forces and powers to batter and assault me, until reality itself seemed to ripple around me, but none of them could reach me. He fought me with everything he had, and it wasn’t enough.

I shook him hard, to get his attention.

“I don’t care who or what you think you are, Hadleigh,” I said. “You never met a Drood like me.”

I threw him backwards, and he fell on his arse. He sat there on the floor, looking at me with something very like shock.

“What . . . ?” he said. “I don’t . . .”

“Shut up and listen,” I said. “I am a Drood in my armour, and we exist to stop people like you from throwing their weight around. Let me remind you, Hadleigh: to threaten one Drood is to threaten the whole family. And you really don’t want to go there.”

“You’re rogue,” said Hadleigh. He scrambled back onto his feet again, and I let him. He stared into my faceless mask. “Your family has disowned you.”

“I was declared rogue before,” I said calmly. “And I came back to rule my whole damned family. It doesn’t matter what they think I’ve done; they’ll learn better. It doesn’t matter how angry they are; they’ll get over it when they learn the truth. My family and I may disagree from time to time, but in the face of a mutual enemy it’s always going to be one Drood for all, and all for one. Are you really ready to go to war with all the Droods, Detective Inspectre?”