Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

“You understand where we’re coming from,” Bobby said with a wry smile, and I shook my head, unwilling to admit defeat. “The situation is difficult, but the heart wants what it wants.”

“What a stupid thing to say,” I scoffed. “My stomach wants what it wants, too, but you don’t see me ripping out your throat to get it.” Bobby shrugged, unfazed by my veiled threat, and I wasn’t sure if it made me hate him more or less. “What is that about, anyway?”

“What?” Bobby looked up at me.

“You’re like twenty-one, and people call you Bobby. Isn’t that a little boy name?” I wrinkled my nose, and he laughed.

“People called Robert Kennedy ‘Bobby’ his entire life,” Bobby offered.

“And look at how well that turned out for him,” I countered, referring to his untimely assignation, and Bobby smiled brightly at me.

“Maybe. But my name actually is ‘Bobby,’ not ‘Robert’ or ‘Bob’ or anything,” Bobby shrugged. “So it’s just what I go by, since it is legally my name.”

“Was your mother like a hippie or something like that?” I asked.

“Something like that,” Bobby ran a hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.

“Okay, so fine, you and my brother are crazy in love,” I said, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth just playing devil’s advocate. “Let’s say that I buy that. How did you two meet? And how did you come to know our particular lifestyle?” Lifestyle wasn’t exactly the right word, because it implied that there was a choice in this. I had chosen to become a vampire, but I could never choose not to be one, not unless I died. Even then, I’d just be a dead vampire.

“Um… well…” Bobby laughed dryly and fidgeted with the zipper on his hoodie.

“Obviously, I am gay. So I used to frequent the gay clubs, especially right after I turned 18, and I was really out of the closet. I wasn’t a slut, exactly, but I wasn’t… not a slut, either. One of the gentlemen I was pursuing turned out to be a vampire. We ‘dated’ for awhile, but I’m using the term really loosely. Basically, we would just fool around, and he’d bite me. But it took some time before I figured out what was going on. I mean, even after I realized that he was physically biting me, it was still a hard concept to buy that he was a vampire.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. The supernatural could be a very hard pill to swallow.

Sometimes, I still found it hard to believe in vampires, and I was one.

“And I was never a bloodwhore. Not like your friend Jane, no offense.” He looked apologetically at me, but I just shrugged it off. She was a whore, so there was nothing for me to be offended about. “I was curious, though, and I did like the way it felt, being bitten.” His expression got wistful, no doubt thinking of the amazing way it felt to be bitten. Then he cleared his head and looked at me. “You’ve been bitten, right?”

“Only twice.” It didn’t sound like enough at all. I should be biting and being bitten all the time. Sure, I had the rest of eternity for that kind of thing, but I was ready for the rest of eternity to start right now.

“It’s pretty wonderful,” Bobby smiled. “But you know, it’s even better when you’re in love.

All their feelings rush over you, and if the guy biting you is a douche bag, it can feel pretty dirty and terrible, even when it feels so good.” That was exactly why Ezra had been in such horrible shape in Finland, but I wasn’t eager to think of that, so I nodded for Bobby to continue. “Anyway, I started hanging out around V, looking for vampires and what not, and then I met Milo. It was like love at first sight.” He looked at the ground. “That sounds like a line, but it’s true.”

“So you just saw him, and that was it?” I shook my head.

“Pretty much. He didn’t even ask me to dance. He just walked over to me and we started dancing, and kissing, and talking, and we’ve been together ever since.” Bobby smiled wider, looking simultaneously proud and embarrassed. “Milo’s a pretty great guy.”

Bobby nervously ran his hands through his hair, trying to smooth out his side bangs. His dark eyes had that weird wistful quality to him and his cheeks were reddening lightly, so I knew he was thinking about Milo. I didn’t doubt that he really did care about my brother, but I just couldn’t seem to like him. Well, that wasn’t even it exactly. I actually did kind of like Bobby, or I was starting to at least. I studied him closely, trying to figure out what about him was really bothering me. Was it just that he was Milo’s boyfriend and I wouldn’t like anybody he dated?

That’s when it finally dawned on me. I didn’t like Bobby because I didn’t like him. My first reaction to him had been suspicion and dislike. That had just been because I was surprised, and he was human, and I was protective of Milo. They were perfectly reasonable given the situation, but I shouldn’t have been able to feel that way. Not if Milo and Bobby were really supposed to be together, the way my blood had been meant for Peter, and Mae’s for Ezra.

Given my current situation, I was probably a little quick to judge Bobby’s claims about love at first, even though now I was positive that that wasn’t exactly true. Milo was pretty damn enchanting, the way all vampires were, and on top of that, he was a really caring, smart, decent guy, too. So I didn’t doubt that Bobby was in love with him, but it was nothing more than that. It was the incredibly bond that vampires felt in their blood, sealing them to a mate for the rest of their existence.

The reason everything had gotten so complicated with Jack and Peter was because of how fluid the bond is. Jack, Peter, and Ezra, and now Milo and I, were held together a similar blood bond.

Milo and I were especially bonded because we were siblings in real life as well as in vampires. That meant that whoever he was bonded too, I should feel a great affinity for. It would be almost impossible for me to hate who he was meant for, and yet, I had instantly disliked Bobby.

Admittedly, I understood the transference in all of this. I had broken my bond with Peter, and I knew that love could be stronger than blood or immortality. But that probably wasn’t the case with Bobby. He was just a nice guy that Milo would be into for awhile, but not forever. I suddenly felt sorry for Bobby, because undoubtedly, Milo would break his heart. Not the other way around.

“And you don’t have to worry about us,” Bobby was saying, drawing me from my thoughts.

He had tired of trying to straighten out his hair and flipped up the hood of his sweater. I hadn’t really been listening to what he was saying, so I just stared at him, hoping he would elaborate. “I mean, Milo more so, I guess. He’s not like that guys Jane was with, and I’m not like her, either. That’s not our thing.”

“No, I get that,” I nodded. Maybe at first the idea had crossed my mind, but it very quickly became clear to me that there was nothing parasitic about their relationship.

“I understand the appeal of her lifestyle. It’s something that you can fall into pretty easily.”

Bobby twisted the drawstring to his hood around and looked at the ground. I had a feeling that despite all his protests, it was a lifestyle that Bobby had come precariously close to getting into, and when things ended with Milo, there was an even greater chance that that’s how he would end up. Thanks to Milo, he’d been even more hooked on the feel of being bitten.

“So, you know what its like, probably better than anyone in the house.” I leaned across the island, looking at him more intently. “You get where Jane is coming from. If the situation were reversed, if you were a bloodwhore, what could somebody say to get you to stop?”