Аманда Хокинг - Flutter

“I know you’re right,” Jack said thickly. “But I can’t forgive him. Fighting for you, I understand.

Trying to kill me, I totally get that. But when he tried to kill you… I can’t ever forgive him for that, and I shouldn’t have to.”

“Jack…” I touched his arm gently, and his blue eyes were swimming when he looked at me.

I chewed my lip, trying to decide whether or not I should tell him. For some reason, I felt like I was breaking Peter’s confidence, but if it could get the two of them to stop hating each other, then maybe it was worth it. “Peter never tried to kill me.”

“I was there!” Jack was incredulous and irritated. “You can’t tell me that didn’t happen.”

“No, it did, but not exactly the way you think it did. When Peter bit me, he knew that you were in the house and that you were more in tune to my heartbeat than any other sound in the world.

You had fought before when you thought he was going to hurt me. He knew that you’d sooner hurt yourself than let something happen to me,” I explained quietly, and I saw realization on Jack’s face. His jaw slacked and there was something painfully frantic in his eyes, and he didn’t want to believe anything I was saying. “He was counting on you to rush in and save me, and he thought that you’d be too angry to let him live. Peter wasn’t trying to kill me; he was trying to kill himself.”

“No…” Jack shook his head and face completely fell. “No. That’s not… Because if he did that, that would mean he…”

The expression on Jack’s face was probably the same one I had when Peter told me that. He was looking at everything in a new light, realizing all the things that Peter did that had seemed cold and cruel, and how they were all really for me, and even Jack. Peter had been trying to let me go since the day he met because he thought I’d be happier without him, even though it pained him to see me with anybody else. That was something that even Jack hadn’t been able to do, and it was devastating for him to think about it that way.

Jack had never let himself believe that Peter loved me because he loved Peter. He respected him and never wanted to do anything that would go against him. Then I came into the picture, and the only way Jack could reconcile his own feelings for me was by assuming that Peter could never feel the same way. Peter could never love me like Jack did, and it was all just some kind of glitch with our blood. All this time, Jack had truly believed that he was the one that was meant to be with me, not Peter, and that had made all his actions and behavior okay. But if that weren’t the case. If Peter loved me as much as he did, if not more, then Jack suddenly became the villain in his story instead of the hero. He had stolen me from his brother.

“Jack, you know how much I love you.” I reached out for his hand, and he pulled it away from me.

He exhaled shakily, so I reached out for his hand again, and this time he let me take it. He wouldn’t look at me, so I moved so I was standing in front of him and looked up at him. “I really do love you, and this is the right choice. You are the only one I want, okay? And we didn’t do anything wrong, not really. I mean… I don’t know. What else were we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know,” Jack admitted quietly. He was still looking down so his eyes wouldn’t meet mine, and I gently touched his cheek.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you like this. I just…” I trailed off. He was so sad and heartbroken and guilty. I hated to see him this way. “I just wanted you to go easier on Peter. You two should be able to get along.”

“No, you’re right.” Jack exhaled shakily and tried to force a smile at me, but it barely even counted as a smile, so he let it go. “I will try. And I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell me that or that you had to protect me. I should be the one protecting you.”

“Stop. You haven’t done anything wrong,” I assured him, but he didn’t believe me at all. Not anymore. I wanted to stay with him all day, but the sun was really starting to get to me. It was this heavy sort of weakness that just barreled down on me like a wet blanket. “Why don’t you come inside with me?”

“No, I wanna stay out here just a little bit longer. The fresh air does me good, and Matilda’s still having fun,” Jack said. Matilda had actually sprawled out on the patio, basking in the sun for warmth, but I didn’t argue with him about it.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked and I wished he would just look at me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jack nodded, but he was lying.

“I love you,” I whispered, hoping that would cheer him up somehow.

“I know, and I love you, too.” Without looking at me, he gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, and then stepped away from me. He had never kissed me so brusquely in all the time I had known him, and that was definitely not a good sign. “Mattie, come on! Where’s your ball?” Matilda jumped up to start searching for her slobbery tennis ball, and Jack walked over to her to help her find it.

I glared up at the sun before going back in the house. If it wasn’t for the god forsaken light,I would’ve gladly stayed out there with Jack and tried to sort all this out. But the sun was so draining, I felt like I might collapse as I walked back into the house. Instantly, the dark sanctuary of the kitchen brought relief, and I sighed. I had no idea if I had done the right thing, but I tended to believe that anything that made Jack that upset was probably bad.

I spent more of the afternoon pretending to sleep than actually sleeping. To fill the time, I texted Jane and tossed and turned a lot. I kept listening for Jack to come in the house, but there was nothing but silence.

Bobby got up to get a bite to eat, but everyone else was sound asleep. Except for Jack, who I had no idea where he was. Finally, I gave up on getting anymore rest and got out of bed. I texted him to ask where he was, but he didn’t answer. I was starting to think I was like a pariah that way nobody ever answered my calls or texts.

When Bobby walked by on his way to his room, he smelled overly delicious. My bedroom door was shut, and the scent of his hot blood wafted intensely in. It had been a few days since I ate, and vampires could go much, much longer that, but I had to get my hunger in control if I ever planned on being with Jack. So as hungry as Bobby made me, I swallowed at back and decided to clear my head with a nice long shower. I had just started gathering my clothes when I felt the warmth in my chest, meaning Jack was nearby, and a moment later I heard him bounding up the stairs.

“Hey.” Jack poked his head in, still hanging onto the bedroom door. “Are you up?”

“Yeah, I was just about to take a shower,” I held up my clothes for him to see. “Unless you wanted something?” I was tempted to ask him if he wanted to join me, but I could still smell Bobby next door, and it was making me a little crazy.

“No, go ahead and shower. But do you wanna watch a movie after?” Jack asked, and I thought that was incredibly odd. He seemed to be doing okay, not as feeling all that sad or guilty, although his heart was beating like it was nervous.

“Yeah, sure,” I shrugged. “Have you slept yet?” It was after six, and as far as I knew, he hadn’t gotten any sleep since he got back, and I’m not sure how much he got on the plane. He looked a little tired, but nothing extraordinary.

“Nah, I’m okay,” he shook his head. “I’ll talk to you after your shower then.”

“Uh, yeah, okay?”

With that, Jack left, shutting the bedroom door behind him. I stood there, holding my clothes in my arms, trying to figure out what was up his sleeve, and then I heard him knocking on the door across the hall.