Sara Larson - Defy

Damian, Rylan, and I all stood in a row, watching her work, until she paused and looked up at us. “This is going to take a long time, especially since the bloodroot isn’t entirely out of my system. You’d best go find some food and somewhere to sleep. We’ll know by morning if she’s going to make it.”

I stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean the bloodroot’s not out of your system? What does that have to do with healing her?”

Lisbet ignored me and kept tending to Tanoori.

I turned to Damian. “Do you know what she’s talking about?”

He shrugged. His expression was inscrutable in the dim light as he gazed back at me. “We should go so she can work,” he said.

I glanced down at Tanoori. Her face was so peaceful, she looked like she could be sleeping, except for the ghostly pallor her skin had taken.

“Come on, he’s right. Let’s go.” Rylan pressed his hand gently to my lower back, steering me out of the tent. I could feel the heat of his fingers through my wet tunic.

“Where will you sleep?” Damian asked, glancing down to where Rylan’s hand still rested on me, then back up at my face. “I believe we used your tent poles for the stretcher?”

Rylan dropped his hand and sighed. “I’ve been trying to figure that out. I’m sorry, Alex, but I think we’re going to be sleeping out in the open from now on.”

“You can share my tent,” Damian said quickly, looking at Rylan, then at me. “It’ll be a bit tight, but better than nothing, I suppose.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and strode away.

“That was unexpectedly kind of him,” Rylan observed. “It’s like he’s a completely different person now. I don’t get it.”

I shrugged. “I guess we all have our secrets.”

Rylan gave me a strange look. He was still shirtless, and he stood close enough that I felt all too aware of his proximity — and of his nakedness. He was built differently from Damian. Where the prince was lean and defined, Rylan was more solid, his arms were thicker and his chest broader. I knew from years of sparring with him exactly how strong he was. I had never let myself notice his body like this before — at least not for long. However, in all that time, he’d never looked at me as he was now, either.

Fighting a blush, I said, “You should go find a shirt and I’ll see if I can get us some food. Then I guess we’ll have to figure out where Damian’s tent is.”

Rylan didn’t say anything; he just stood there, looking at me. “Do you like him, Alex?” he finally asked, his voice unnaturally strained.

My heart skipped a beat. “The prince? Well, I don’t hate him anymore, I guess. He’s different now, like you said. It’s easier to guard a prince I can respect rather than a useless, spoiled brat, like before.” I smiled, attempting to be lighthearted, but Rylan frowned back.

“That’s not what I meant.”

The smile slipped from my face and I shifted uncomfortably.

“I’ve noticed the way you look at him. I don’t want you to get hurt. He might be acting friendly at the moment, telling us to call him by his first name, offering to let us sleep in his tent, but he’s a prince , Alex. That will never change.”

“You think I don’t know that? I’m not stupid, Rylan.”

“I didn’t mean that —”

“And it doesn’t matter, because I don’t look at him any differently than anyone else. I know he’s our prince. I’m in his guard, remember? Just because you both know I’m a girl now doesn’t change anything.”

“I promised your brother I’d watch out for you.” Rylan lifted his hand to brush a stray lock of hair from my cheek. Ignoring the rush of warmth from his touch, I stepped back.

“You aren’t my brother, so stop trying to act like you are.”

Rylan’s jaw tightened. “I’m not trying to act like your brother , Alexa. Has it ever occurred to you that I might care about you? That maybe I’ve been fighting an attraction to you that I couldn’t let anyone know about, least of all you, for years ? I had to make sure I never looked at you too long or reached out to touch you, even though I wanted to. So many times, I can’t even count.”

The artery in my neck pounded beneath my skin, and I felt light-headed with shock. Rylan’s eyes were bright, almost fevered in the darkness as he spoke.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep pretending, to bury how I really felt, knowing I’d never be able to do anything about it without endangering you? And now I finally have a chance to treat you the way you deserve — to cherish you the way a woman should be when a man loves her. And all you can do is stare at the prince.”

“Rylan …” I looked at him, stricken. My eyes burned and my throat felt suddenly dry. He was wrong, I didn’t only think of Damian. Before I’d found out about this other side to the prince, there had only been Rylan. But I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore. Everything was changing so fast, I couldn’t find solid ground. I felt like I was sliding down a slope, hurtling toward an abyss.

“Forget I said anything,” he said, taking a step back. “I shouldn’t have told you. It’s just been building up inside of me for so long, and when you nearly got killed today … I couldn’t keep it in anymore.”

“I nearly got killed?”

“ Prince Damian saved you, remember? I couldn’t get there fast enough. Good thing he’s been hiding the fact that he’s an expert swordsman from all of us until now.”

“Oh. Yes,” I replied lamely. I actually had forgotten, with everything else that had happened. But now the memory of that moment surged up, the shock of Damian’s agility and skill with a sword.

“I’d better go find a shirt,” Rylan said and he turned to leave.

“Rylan, wait!”

But he ignored me and strode away.

IWAITED AS LONG as I could to go to bed, even though I was almost falling over with exhaustion. The thought of facing either Rylan or Prince Damian — let alone sleeping by both of them — right now was enough to make me contemplate taking my chances curled up underneath a tree. I went to check on Lisbet and Tanoori again, but Lisbet shooed me away without giving me an update, leaving me with no other option except to slowly make my way to Prince Damian’s tent, near the front of the line.

Mist curled along the ground in the darkness, winding between tree trunks and bushes, stretching diaphanous fingers up the sides of the tent as I stood before it, trying to gather my courage. Damian was correct when he said Antion was beautiful. Beautiful and deadly. But the jungle seemed like the safer option compared to what awaited me inside that tent.

Stop it. You’re not going to stand out here all night, hyperventilating , I told myself firmly. Pull it together and go inside so you can get some rest .

It was completely silent; maybe they were both asleep already. I took a deep breath and opened the flap.

Prince Damian and Rylan sat on opposite sides of the tent, wide awake. The space in between them, which I presumed was for me, was big enough for someone Jax’s size. I almost turned around and walked out again to take my chances with the snakes and jaguars, but then Damian stood up.

“Would you like some help with your bedroll?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, my lord ,” I said, with a pointed glance in Rylan’s direction.

He wouldn’t meet my gaze, and my stomach clenched. But Damian looked straight at me, and his expression was one of confusion, even hurt.

This was a disaster.

I hurried to spread out my bedroll and lay down, trying to make myself as small as possible. Rylan stretched out on his side next to me, making an obvious effort to stay on the far edge of his bedroll, pressing his body right up into the fabric of the tent. But it didn’t matter; the space was so small, we were still only separated by a foot at most. I scooted away from him a bit, trying to give him more space. But then Damian lay down on the extra bedroll he’d managed to find, and the entire lengths of our bodies were suddenly touching. Something deep inside of me responded to the feel of him against me and though I knew I should move away, I didn’t. My stomach tightened with awareness of every part of us that connected — his arm against my arm, his leg against my leg. If I turned my face, would our lips touch?