Sara Larson - Defy

“Then maybe you’re smarter than he is. But don’t underestimate him — and don’t believe everything you hear. No matter the source.”

“Do you always talk in riddles?” I sat down on the other side of Tanoori, across from Lisbet, and took the rag so I could wipe it across Tanoori’s feverish brow.

Lisbet laughed once, a mirthless sound. “No. I didn’t use to. But I’ve had to learn some tricks over the years to keep myself safe.”

I paused to look up at her again. “How do you know Damian?”

She gave me a sharp look. “I believe you are discovering a new side to him, are you not?”

I rolled my eyes at her nonanswer but nodded.

“He looks at you differently, Alexa. He risked himself — exposed himself — for you. He is a powerful man, with the weight of a nation on his shoulders. He can’t afford to make mistakes because of his feelings for a pretty face.”

“Are you saying saving me was a mistake?”

Lisbet remained silent.

“Well, then you have nothing to worry about, because I don’t have a pretty face. Nearly everyone, except Damian, thinks I am a boy .” I dunked the rag in a bowl of tepid water and squeezed it out with unnecessary force.

Lisbet watched me shrewdly. “We all see what we want to. People believe you are a boy, because that’s what they’ve been told. They reason away why you look so much more feminine than your brother did. You are an expert swordsman and practically unstoppable with a bow —”

“How do you know about my brother?” I cut her off. I could feel my temper rising, and I struggled to keep it in check. I hated unanswered questions, and she was refusing to explain anything.

“Your time to keep your secret is growing short.” Lisbet ignored me. “No hair will ever mar the skin of your face. Your body has changed, has become that of a woman’s. What will you do when you are unable to keep up your pretense any longer?”

I glared at her, angry at her astute observations. “I’m not answering your questions unless you answer mine.”

“What’s going on here?”

We both whirled around to face Damian, standing above us.

“I was explaining that I am not strong enough to completely heal this girl right now, and so we will either have to leave her or carry her all day again,” Lisbet said, smoothly rising to her feet.

My chest ached from the anger and frustration building up inside. Why did she know about my brother? How did she know the prince? And why did her words — her warnings — burn like acid, reminding me of how uncertain my future was?

“How much longer before the effects of the bloodroot wear off entirely?” Damian asked, looking past me to Lisbet.

“Not much longer, but it is frustrating when she needs my help now .”

“You’re doing all you can.” Damian smiled at her, the same gentle smile he had given Jax when he’d carried him. Seeing him give Lisbet such a tender look, hearing him speak to her with such respect after her refusal to explain anything to me, to answer my questions, was too much. The anger I’d been trying to subdue overtook me. She was working with our captors, and yet Damian seemed to trust her — more than me. And I had been his guard, risking my life for him on a daily basis.

I jumped to my feet and pushed past Damian, out of the tent, only to see Rylan standing ten feet away, his arms crossed, staring at me, a silent accusation in his eyes.

The pressure was coming from all sides. Lisbet’s warnings; my impossible attraction to a prince I should never have let myself care about; Rylan’s feelings, which only confused me even more. I wanted to get away — I needed to get away.

“Alex, are you okay?” Damian followed me.

I turned on my heel and ran. I didn’t care where, I didn’t care what happened to me, I didn’t care if Eljin tied me up after this, I just had to escape. I couldn’t take it anymore. I plunged into the forest, pushing the huge leaves out of my way as I ran from Lisbet, from what she’d said, from Rylan and Damian, from everything.

ISTARTLED A FLOCK of macaws when I rushed through the foliage into a small clearing. They took to flight in a whirl of colors, reds and blues and yellows, bursting through the air. My eyes burned, and I scrubbed my hands across my face, brushing the stupid, useless tears away.

I barely had time to catch my breath when I heard someone crashing through the underbrush behind me, and spun around to see Damian standing there, his chest heaving from the effort of running after me.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“You shouldn’t have come after me,” I said. “Now we’ll both get in trouble.”

“I don’t care about that.” He closed the distance between us, so that I had to tilt my head back to look up into his eyes. His eyes, which were every bit as beautiful as the macaws that had just flown into the depths of the jungle. His jungle. “Why did you run away?”

“You made a mistake by saving me. You revealed your secret to save my life,” I said, my voice strained. “You kept that secret your whole life for some reason, and now everyone here knows and I don’t know why you did that for me. You should have let me die if it was so important for no one to know.”

“Is that what Lisbet told you?” The look on his face made my heart pound.

“Yes, Lisbet told me that,” I bit out. Still upset — hurt — by the trust he seemed to place in her.

He moved even closer. I couldn’t breathe as I stared up at him. He lifted both of his hands to brush the hair back from my face. “And you believed her?”

I clenched my jaw, refusing to answer, afraid all the emotion I was desperately trying to quell would bleed into my voice.

“It wasn’t a mistake to save your life,” he said, his voice low. He took one last step so that our bodies touched. I could feel him everywhere — our legs, our hips, our stomachs. “I’ve made mistakes. So many I can’t even count. But saving you was not one of them.” His thumbs rubbed across my jaw. I stared into his eyes, my heart in my throat. For that breathless moment, there was no sound, no time, nothing beyond his body against mine and his hands on my face. I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted it more than I wanted air, but the tiny part of my brain that was still functioning knew this was wrong. Impossible.

I tried to pull back, but he dropped one of his hands to wrap his arm around my body, pressing me to him, refusing to let me break away.

“But I’m not —”

“You’re perfect ,” he said roughly, cutting off my protest. “And if I had to do it over again, I would save you every time.” His mouth closed over mine and there was no more thought. No more worry. No more pain or loss or fear. There was only Damian. His arm tightened around me, crushing me to him, his other hand threaded through my hair. I clung to him as his lips moved on mine with a need and hunger that nearly overwhelmed me.

My whole body burned with a fire that I’d never imagined possible. I was the one who was supposed to protect him, but I’d never felt as protected as I did in that moment, encircled by his strong arms, our bodies pressed together. I dug my fingers into the muscles of his back, his shoulders, clinging to him with every ounce of strength I had in me.

His lips moved to my jaw, then down my throat, leaving a trail of fire on my skin as he worked his way toward my collarbone. I gasped for air, clutching at his tunic as he kissed me. I cursed Lisbet for convincing me to keep the binding on my breasts.

“Alexa,” he whispered against my skin. “Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? I’ve never needed anyone the way I need you.”