Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

[ aside: ] A threat is in his voice and aspect. [ To Vader: ]
Nay,
For I shall model flexibility.

’Tis well. ’Twould be a pity should I feel
It necessary to retain a full
And armor’d garrison in Bespin. [ To Boba Fett: ] Come!

He orders what he will sans sense or rhyme—
This deal is worse becoming all the time!

...

Auugh.

[ being reconnected: ]—Stormtroopers? In Bespin? I am shot!

Egh!

—O, ’tis better! That is quite improv’d.
But hold, for something is not right: my eyes—
I cannot see.

Now that is mended, aye.
Yet wait, I now am backward—head is back
And front’s reverse and all has gone awry!
Is this a Wookiee’s notion of a joke?
Thou stupid, senseless beast!

[ laughing: ]—Gihut, gihut!

Thou furball wretched! Mophead ignorant!

Auugh, auugh!

—O, Chewie, I’m in agony—
My ev’ry bone and sinew cries with pain.

What have they done to you, my noble man?
And what can be their purpose, dost thou know?

’Twas torture unlike any I have known,
For never any questions did they ask.
Instead, with silent mouths and darting eyes
They fix’d me solidly unto a seat
And lower’d me unto a mechanism.
At first ’twas like a searing heat that rac’d
From skin to bone and back again. Then sparks
Flew out, upon my chest and neck and face,
Such fire as though a hundred blasters spread
Their shots across my body or, perhaps,
As though a million tiny lightsabers
Did prick and dance their way about my skin.
All this they did, but ne’er made inquiry,
Ne’er ask’d me whence we came or where we go,
Ne’er ask’d about the rebels’ rendezvous.
No information they did seek to know,
It only seem’d they wish’d to bring me pain.
I tell thee, ’twas far worse and terrible
Than if they had sought answers from my blood.
But this demented evil shakes my soul,
For wherefore torture without questioning?

Auugh, egh, auugh!

—Get thee hence now, Lando.

—Tut!
Attend my voice, for this ye both should hear:
Darth Vader hath giv’n word that he will turn
Both Leia and Chewbacca o’er to me.

What dost thou mean by “o’er to me”? Thou knave!
I would not turn a rival o’er to thee,
Much less the ones belovèd by my heart.

They must stay here, but will, at least, be safe.
’Twas not my choice—I have no say in this.
’Tis Vader who doth pull the strings, and we
Are but the puppets with which he doth play.

And what of Han?

—Darth Vader shall give him
O’er to the bounty hunter.

—Vader doth
Desire that all of us are dead.

—He wants
You not at all. He searches for someone
Called Skywalker.

—Aye, Luke—thou meanest Luke!

Lord Vader set a trap for him to fall.

And we are but the bait by which he’s caught.

The trap shall soon be sprung, for Skywalker
Is on his way, e’en now.

—This villainy
Thou hast arrang’d is all too perfect. Fie!

Auugh!

—Cease! I have done all that I may do.
For certain I am sorry I could not
Do better yet than this, but I do have
Enough vexations here.

—O, thou great man!
Thou art a hero, and thy tale shall e’er
Upon the lips of lesser folk be told.
Throughout all history it shall be writ:
“Behold, great Lando of Calrissian,
A man who ever serv’d his comrades well.”

[ aside: ] This stings my soul, yet no more can I do
Than hold my head up high, and plan what’s next.

My soldier, O my heart, thy fire doth blaze!
Thy skill with others ne’er doth cease t’amaze.

The time is ripe!

His time is nigh!

And soon he will be frozen!

We’ve never done—

This on a man—

But someone’s now been chosen!

A merry prank!

O shall it work?

Or will the man be dying?

What’er befall—

One thing is sure—

The pleasure’s in the trying!