Arthur Zirul: Final Exam

The group fell silent for a moment.

“Nothing.” The captain blinked his huge eyes in a sign of remorse. “I’m afraid they’re dead. It seems that you boys were the only other group found, aside from us. Of course there’s always a chance, but I wouldn’t bear any false hopes. This whole planet was alerted when we were found. I’m sure that some word of the others would have been sent here by now if they had been seen. So far there has been nothing.”

After another silent moment Drul changed the subject with:

“What do you think of our chances, sir? These things don’t strike me as being the most rational creatures I’ve ever seen.”

“I say they’re barbarians,” Cakna Stated flatly.

“Then where did they get a seventh-level culture from?” The captain sat as he spoke, and motioned the others to do the same.

“Perhaps they are degenerating mentally, due to some cosmic radiation,” Cakna said. “I noticed a strong sunspot activity on this planet’s mother star.”

“Perhaps,” the captain chuckled, “but I rather doubt it. No, this planet’s disease is more complicated than that. Babla and I have been going over the evidence we’ve been able to glean from these interviews, and I think we’ve hit upon a workable theory. Maybe you three can add to it.”

The nine aliens rolled themselves into a small circle and prepared to listen.

“The way Babla and I see it,” the captain resumed, “the creatures on this planet are scientifically and mentally advanced enough—their science and architecture speak for themselves. They do, however, show a marked retardation in their emotional make-up. They demonstrate the remarkable paradox of being gregarious by nature, and, at the same time, finding it emotionally impossible to live together. Why? The reason escaped us for a while until one of their interviewing scientists gave us a clue.

“He said that we were the first things, outside of meteorites, ever to come to them from outer space. Thal was the answer. Every other civilization we have ever come across, our own included, always had the same thing in common—no matter how they varied in other aspects. Periodically, from I heir earliest days, they had been contacted by some outside enemy. You are all acquainted with the common varieties of space plagues: the bacterial clouds and space lice that travel in swarms through the interplanetary voids. The planets’ civilizations were forced to unify against the common enemy that threatened them all. This planet, being so far removed from the regular routes of the space vermin, has never been faced with an outside enemy. As a consequence, they have never unified.

“Naturally, while their science progressed, their emotional sense of interreliance deteriorated, till today they have degenerated into quibbling, neurotic groups. Instead of trying to unite, and resolve their common problems, they compete with each other—in order to protect themselves, from themselves.”

“I think you’ve hit it, captain.” Drul twitched a tentacle in agreement. “I’d say your theory is sound, but what can we do about helping them? Even more important than that, what can we do about helping ourselves? I hardly feel that our position is exactly rosy.”

“I believe,” the captain looked about him significantly, “we can solve both of those problems at the same time.”

The U.N. Scientific Committee, which had been appointed to question the aliens, sat in closed conference. They had been bickering for hours as to the procedure to be followed during the questioning. Each scientist was eager to ask questions only about those fields in which he personally was interested. To boot, the Americans were trying desperately to steer the questions away from those dealing with the aliens’ spacedrive and weapons. The Russians, of course, were pressing just as desperately to have those questions asked first. The issue, which threatened to resolve itself in a fist fight, was finally settled by the Chilean scientists, with the suggestion that the first questions deal with the history of the aliens’ trip, with emphasis on their reasons for coming to Earth.

With the problem of the first questions settled, the scientists filed into the examination room. The interview started immediately. As every question and answer had to be transposed through several stages of blackboard symbols and sign language, the progress of the exam was agonizingly slow.

Several hours after the start of the interrogation a white-faced professor dashed out of the hall with a sweat soiled notebook in his hand. He shoved the pad at the girl typist, who had been stationed at the door of the hall since the examination had begun.

“Have a copy of this sent to every member of the Security Council as quickly as possible!” he gasped. “It is of the utmost importance that we get action on this at once!”

The girl propped up the pad, quickly slipped a stencil sheet into her typewriter, typed the official heading and routine information at the top, glanced at the first page of the pad and began to pound furiously:

Gentlemen:

Following is a condensed and anglicized version of the interview of the nine extraterrestrial aliens held under United Nations supervision. It is the opinion of the interviewers that this information is of vital importance to the security of Earth. We therefore suggest an immediate meeting of the Security Council in order to determine a proper course of action.

Note:

All Alien answers were given by one individual who appeared to be the leader of the group.

Q. Where are you from?

A. The Great and All Powerful Empire of the Universe.

Q. I mean, where are you from specifically, what planet or star?

A. We are from everywhere. We fill the Universe.

Q. Where did you take off from?

A. I cannot give you that information.

Q. Why can’t you? We have no way of reaching your world.

A. I cannot be sure of that until you have been thoroughly investigated.

Q. By you?

A. No.

Q. By others of your kind?

A. Yes.

Q. When will they arrive?

A. Soon.

Q. Why did you come?

A. To discover if you are ready for the Test.

Q. What sort of test?

A. To see if you are fit to join the Empire.

Q. What does this test consist of?

A. You will be exposed to a weapon of a basic nuclear fission design. If you can nullify the effects of this weapon, then you will have proved that your science is advanced enough to enter into the Universal Alliance, which is the Empire.

Q. What if we cannot nullify the effects of this weapon?

A. Then you will be destroyed by it.

Q. Can we refuse to take the test?

A. Yes, in that case you shall be isolated from the rest of the Universe as a subnormal planet.

Q. Just what will this isolation mean to us?

A. We will supervise your science and culture until you will be able to pass the Test.

Q. Does that mean that you will give us the benefits of your advanced science?

A. Yes.

Q. Will we be required to pay for this service?

A. Yes, we have a vast empire and, as a consequence, vast expenses. Each student planet is expected to pay its own way.

Q. What are we to use as payment? We have no common medium of exchange.

A. On the contrary, you can reimburse us with an abundance of a very valuable commodity.

Q. What is that?

A. Expendable labor units. You will provide us with several million slaves.

Nobody knew how the story had leaked out. Perhaps one of the U.N. scientists had talked indiscreetly; or it could have been that the columnist who had released it had contacts in higher places than people had imagined. Whatever the reason, the story was spread over the face of every newspaper in the world within three days: ALIENS DEMAND SLAVES. They screamed to a frightened world population: SLAVES OR DIE, ALIENS SAY.