David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

That evening as he brooded alone at home he had gotten a call from Brizio asking him to join he and Mia for dinner at the common area. Mike thought that would be a great way to reintroduce himself to society and show that he really was the open minded individual that they thought he was in the first place.

When he arrived Brizio and Mia were already there. Mike said hello and sat down to join them.

“How have you been?” Brizio asked. “People haven’t been seeing much of you around lately.”

“I know,” Mike said. “It’s just that Tawny and I are having some issues and I need to get my thoughts together so I can fix it.”

“Fix it?” Mia asked. She shot a worried look at Brizio.

“Yeah,” Mike said, “we just had a disagreement is all. I don’t think she understood how I felt about her. That’s all.”

“It was pretty obvious that you had some pretty strong feelings for her,” Brizio said. “I’m just not sure it could have worked out the way you wanted.”

Mike was doing an outstanding job of misunderstanding almost everything that was being said to him over the course of the last two or three days. He felt a little better knowing that at least Brizio understood what he was going through.

“Possibly not,” Mike said. “I’m not sure Bob would have ever allowed it.”

Mia leaned back and shot a “what the hell is he talking about” look at Brizio.

“I hear you spent some time at the children’s center,” Mia said trying to change the subject.

Brizio rolled his eyes at her.

“Yes, I did,” Mike said. “What’d you hear about it?”

“Oh,” Mia added, “just that Tawny took you over there and showed you around. So, what’d you think?”

Either Mia hadn’t heard about the altercation there or she was doing an outstanding job of deflection.

“Pretty amazing place,” Mike said. “I have to be honest though I have a hard time understanding how anything gets accomplished there. It seems like controlled chaos.”

“I guess it can look like that,” Brizio said.

“Yeah,” Mia added, “it might seem a little out of control the first time you see it. But I really loved my time there.”

“Didn’t you miss being home with your parents?” Mike asked her.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Mia said.

“I guess that was a dumb question,” Mike said. “You never really know a home life with parents and all, do you.”

“I got to spend quite a lot of time with my mother and father if that’s what you mean,” Mia said. “They were at the center all of the time. But then so was everyone else here. We don’t spend a lot of time doing personal things, Mike. When we finish working we usually go to the center and help mentor the children.”

“So, you know who your mother and father are?” Mike asked.

“Of course we do,” Mia said, just a little surprised with the question.

“Why wouldn’t we?” Brizio asked. “We spend time with them every day.”

“I don’t know,” Mike said. “I’m just trying to understand where I fit in here.”

Mia and Brizio realized that they were treading on dangerous ground now. Neither one of them thought it would be a good idea to remind Mike that he was leaving. And they certainly knew that asking him what the hell he meant was out of the question.

“I imagine you must be missing Earth by now,” Brizio said as a foray into addressing the 400-pound gorilla.

“Not really,” Mike said. “Well, I guess if I’m totally honest, I didn’t miss Earth at all until things went to hell with Tawny. If I were back on Earth, I’d know exactly how to fix things with us. Here, I just seem to be making things worse every time I open my mouth.”

“You all know what it’s like on Earth,” Mike continued. “Haven’t you ever thought that possibly the way we doing things there might be better? You know, at least something. A kind of melding of cultures.”

“Not really,” Mia said.

“I don’t think anyone has ever considered that,” Brizio added.

“You might want to,” Mike said. “Because your ideas of what a relationship between two people should look like are jacked up.”

“Not for us they aren’t,” Brizio said. “It’s the way we were raised. It really is the only thing that makes sense to us. Kind of like the way that you live is the only way that makes sense to you. I know how daunting what we’re asking you to do is, Mike. Man, I can’t even begin to think if where I would begin, if I was going to try to change almost everything there was, about the way we live life here.”

Mike hadn’t heard a single thing that had come out of Brizio’s mouth. Across the floor Tawny had entered the common area and sat down. It looked like she was with the same group of people she was with the night he had wanted to punch the guy that had kissed her. It was the first time he had seen her since the two of them had had the altercation in his home.

She had seen him sitting with Brizio and Mia but instead of walking over to say hello she simply had smiled at him. Seeing her there had launched a stabbing pain into his chest. It was so real and deep that it actually made him start. All he wanted to do was walk over there, take her in his arms, and hold her. Just once. If it was the last thing he ever did that would be fine. He could die knowing he had held her one last time.

“Hello?” Brizio was saying.

“What?” Mike said. “Were you talking to me?”

Mia motioned over to where Tawny was sitting with her chin.

“Oh,” Brizio said. “Seriously Mike you really have to get over that. It’s not healthy. And eventually…”

Mike switched Brizio off again. The John guy had walked up behind Tawny and was talking to the group. They were all laughing, and talking, and having such a good time. It seemed to Mike that they were almost mocking him. Like the table of cool kids in the lunch room at school, pointing and laughing at a fat kid.

John had his hands on Tawny’s shoulders. Mike wanted to just nail those hands to John’s nuts. That would give him something to get gropey with all day long. Then John leaned over, kissed the guy sitting next to Tawny, turned his head and kissed Tawny on the cheek.

Mike was up and out of the chair before he realized he was even moving.

“Hey wait buddy,” Brizio was saying. “Hold on. Where you going?”

“Stop him Briz,” Mia said.

But Mike didn’t hear any of that. He was already half way across the room. He was into that mode where people are either running away from the bear or turning to fight it. Whatever that person is, takes over at that minute and animates the body free of its own accord.

“This is what you dumped me for?” Mike said to Tawny as he walked up to the table.

“Mike,” Tawny said. “Don’t.”

“Hey there,” John said, as he stood up, “I’ve wanted to get a chance to…”

Mike punched John right in the face with everything he had. The force of the blow launched John up and off his feet, depositing him in stunned amazement on the top of the table.

Gasps went up around the room as people that had never in their lives seen this kind of brutal demonstration worked overtime trying to process what their eyes had just witnessed.

“Mike,” Tawny begged, “please don’t.” Tears were rolling down her face.

Mike stood there like Muhammad Ali standing over a prone Sonny Liston.

“Come on shithead,” Mike said in a low threatening tone. “Get up and we’ll finish this right here.”

“What…” John was stammering, blood flowed freely from his nose. “What… what just happened?”

Brizio was standing next to Mike now.

“Hey buddy,” he said “maybe you should just go home and think about things for a little while.”