David Larson - The Myth of the Anal Probe

“I love you too,” Tawny said. Strike one in the irrationality world series. “I… we… love each other completely here. I thought you understood all of that.”

“I get that,” Mike said. “I love everyone here as well. Just like I love a hot shower, or rocky road ice cream, or the dog I had when I was a kid. But you and I are different than that. This thing that there is between us is something more. Something deeper. Something personal. I don’t know how you don’t get that. I don’t understand how none of you get that there are different kinds of love, and what’s between us is the deepest and most personal kind.”

“Mike, I was with you because I wanted to share that with you,” she said. “It doesn’t mean that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. It doesn’t mean that we’re going to separate ourselves from the rest of the community and live with each other exclusively. We just can’t be that way. We never have been.”

“All this time,” Mike said clearly exasperated. “All this time I thought that you people were advanced. That this society was lightyears ahead of who and what we are on earth. It’s beginning to look like you all are just a bunch of children that have never grown up. Just a bunch of people with a Peter Pan complex, and some really cool spaceships, just flitting around the galaxy acting superior.”

Tawny stood there silent.

“People grow up and have responsibilities Tawny. They have jobs that they get paid for. They build a life together. Of course, it isn’t easy, but it’s the adult thing to do. I tried, I really did. But if this way of life means that I can’t spend the rest of it with you then what good is it?”

“I don’t even know how to respond to that, Mike,” she said. “You knew that your time here was limited. You’ve known that from the beginning. We never made it seem like there was the possibility of something else happening here. But as for having me for the rest of your life; if you stayed here it could certainly be that way.”

Strike two.

“Just not the way that you’re used to.”

Mike’s mind was racing again. The woman that he would gladly give his life for was saying on one hand she felt the same way he did, and amazingly he could spend the rest of his life with her if he wanted to. There were just strings attached. If those strings meant that he would have to endure watching her make out with another man in public, then he knew he wasn’t going to be able to live by those rules. The only way he could have the thing he craved was to take her back home with him and start a new life there.

“The way I’m used to?” Mike said. “You say that like it’s dirty…”

“No…” she started to say and was cut off by Mike’s runaway train of thought.

“…I see what things are like here, Tawny. I see the kind of world you people have built. I opened up my mind and let everything in as honestly as I could have. I’m just telling you that there’s a lot to be said for the way we live our lives on Earth. I think you could get used to that if you tried.”

“What are you saying, Mike?” Tawny asked.

“I’m saying come back with me. I could make a great life for the three of us there.”

“The three of us?” She was blown away. “Are you talking about taking me and Axel back to Earth with you?”

“Of course I am baby,” he said, pleading now. “It really isn’t that bad. You’ll learn to love it. Honestly.”

“Mike. I don’t know what to say here…”

“It’s pretty simple. Just say yes.”

In Mike’s mind a small scene was playing out where Tawny broke out into a giant grin, ran over to him, threw her arms around his neck, and pledged her undying love for him right there. She would say something cute like I thought you’d never ask, and the newly formed happy family would board the next mission to earth.

“It’s not like that Mike,” she said. “It never was and I’m so sorry that I allowed it to get to this point. I never should have. I should have understood that there were some things that you just simply weren’t ready for.”

“I’m ready for you Tawny,” he said. “I just need the time to prove it to you.”

“Mike, I don’t want to have to send you back before you’re ready to go. But right now you’re not leaving me any other choices. You can’t stay here like this. It’s not healthy. Not healthy for anyone.”

“What the hell do you mean ‘like this’?” Mike asked. The hurt was dripping off every single word he said. “‘Like this’ is being totally and deeply in love with you. How could that be bad?” He was trying to justify everything that he knew in his heart was wrong.

“Is it someone else? Not Bob? Is there someone else that you love that is keeping you from being with me? Is it that guy you were kissing in the common area the other night? If it is just tell me and I know I can help you to forget about him.”

“What are you talking about?” Tawny asked in clear surprise.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m saying,” Mike said, clearly irritated. “You know who I’m talking about. You know I saw you. Don’t try to cover it up now, it just makes things worse. I thought you people were all about truth. Why would you try to lie to me about that?”

“I’m not lying Mike,” she pleaded. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. There isn’t anyone else. There isn’t anyone at all.”

Strike three! And the side retires with absolutely no hope of pulling this one out.

“No one at all?” Mike said. “How could you say that? How could you lead me on like that? Didn’t the things that happened right here in this house mean anything to you? Was I just a passing fancy? A quick roll in the hay? Did you lose a bet, or win one? Did you think you’d just bone the Earth guy to see what that might be like, and then cast him off as another conquest fulfilled?

“I’m not just another notch in your bed post, Tawny. I was in love with you way before we shared the night together. I was serious then, and I’m serious now. All I need is that chance to prove it too you. To prove that my intensions are completely honorable. I don’t just love you, baby; I need you. I have to have you just to go on living. Why can’t you see that?”

Tawny relaxed. She could see that this wasn’t going anyplace and that it never was going to. She had made the ultimate mistake and where things stood now were all her fault. She knew Mike had to go back. And she knew she could never see him again. Eventually he would understand.

She turned and walked out the door.

“Tawny!” Mike called after her. And the door whooshed shut.

“Son-of-a-bitch!” he yelled into the empty room.

Mike had been zipping through all five stages of grief at record speed. Once he finished with the 5th and final stage of acceptance, he’d start all over from the beginning again. Denial and anger were simple whistle stops each time. The train would pull into the station, Mike would walk out onto the platform to look around and then jump back into the car, as he was whisked on to bargaining and depression.

This was made doubly hard, because he decided to wallow in the isolation part for as long as he could. Tawny wasn’t returning any of his attempts to contact her, and he wanted nothing to do with Bob. He still kept working at the community garden plot, but that was beginning to be tedious.

It had only been two days since his blow-up with Tawny, and Mike was doing everything he could to maintain a low profile. He was hoping that if he could be good for long enough his hosts might forget the issues he had created, and allow him to stay. He knew that eventually he was going to have to include himself in community time. But the thought of seeing Tawny again, and her being unapproachable, might be more than he could deal with.