Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

wings flex nervously.

"C'mon," I urged. "I'll be further away from you

there than I was when we started this chase back on the

roof. You'll still have a clean shot at getting away if I try

anything."

He hesitated, then nodded his consent.

Moving slowly so as not to alarm him, I maneuvered

my way to my new perch. Truth to tell, I was glad to get

something solid under my feet again. Even using magic,

flying can take a lot out of you, and I was relieved to get

a chance to rest. Now that I was closer, I could see that

Vic was breathing heavily himself. Apparently his form

of flying was no picnic either.

"All right," I said in a much more conversational

tone. "Let's take this thing from the top. Who says

we're trying to kill you?"

"Matt does," the vampire responded. "He's the one

who filled me in on you and your pet demon. To be

honest with you, I had never even heard of you until

Matt explained whose home we had stumbled into."

"Matt?" I frowned.

Then I remembered. Of course. The third member of

the fugitive party. Luanna's old con artist partner who

nobody had been paying attention to at all. A germ of

an idea began to form in my head.

"And he says we're out to kill you?"

"That's right. According to him nobody crosses the

Great Skeeve or makes a fool of him and lives... and

using your house as an escape route definitely quali-

fies."

The reputation thing again. I was beginning to realize

why so many magicians preferred to lead the lives of

recluses.

"That's crazy, Vic." I said. "If I tried to kill every-

body who's made a fool of me, I'd be armpit-deep in

corpses."

"Oh yeah?" he shot back. "Well. if you aren't out to

166 Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 167

kill me, why did you send your pet demon after us?"

Despite my resolve to settle this thing amicably, I was

starting to get annoyed.

"First of all, he's not my pet demon. He's my partner

and his name is Aahz. Secondly, I didn't send him. He

knocked me out cold and came himself. Third and final,

he was never out to kill you. He was trying to bring you

and your cohorts back to Deva so we wouldn't get stuck

paying off the people you swindled plus a hefty fine.

Are you getting all this, or am I going too fast for you?"

"But I didn't swindle anybody," the vampire pro-

tested. "Those two offered me a job helping them sell

magic charms. I didn't know they weren't genuine until

Matt said the customers were mad and we had to run. I

suggested we hide out here because it's the only place I

know besides the Bazaar."

"Uh-huh," I said, studying the sky. "Next you'll be

saying you didn't frame my partner or sound the alarm

on us when we tried to spring him."

, Vic's wings dropped as he hung his head.

"That much I can't deny... but I was scared! I

framed the demon because it was the .only way I could

think of to get him off our trail for a while. I really

thought he could get loose on his own, and when I saw

you at the Woof Writers', I knew he was going to get

away. I sounded the alarm hoping you would all get

caught and be detained long enough to give us a head

start. Looking back on it, they were pretty ratty things

to do, but what would you do if you had a pack of killer

demons on your trail?"

Now that I could identify with. Chumley's words

about Vic and I being alike echoed in my ears. I had had

to improvise in some pretty hairy situations myself.

"Wait a minute!" I growled. "Speaking of killer de-

mons, what was that bit with you dangling Luanna over

the edge of the building back there?"

"I was bluffing," the vampire shrugged. "Your

friends were threatening to shoot me if I tried to fly

away, and it was the only thing I could think of to try to

get them to back off. I wouldn't deliberately hurt any-

one... especially Luanna. She's sweet. That's why I

was trying to help her escape with me after they caught

Matt."

That brought me to the question that had been nag-

ging at my mind since I started this wild chase.

"If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you just

change into mist and drift away? We could never have

caught you then."

Vic gave a short, bitter laugh.

"Do you know how rough it is to turn into mist?

Well, you're a magician. Maybe you do know. Anyway,

you might as well know the truth. I'm not much in the

magic department... in fact, I'm pretty much a bust as

a vampire. I can't even change all the way into a bat!

These wings are the best I've been able to do. That's

why I was looking for a new life in the Bazaar. I'd

rather be a first-class anything than a third-rate vam-

pire. I mean, I don't even like blood!"

"You should meet my bodyguard." I grinned despite

myself. "He's a gangster who's allergic to garlic."

"Garlic? I love garlic."

I opened my mouth to offer him Guido's job, then

shut it rapidly. If this character was half as desperate as

he sounded, he'd probably take the offer seriously and

accept, and then where would I be? All we needed to

complete our menagerie was a magic-poor vampire.

"Well," I said instead, "I guess that answers all my

questions except one. Now that you know we aren't try-

ing to kill you, are you ready to quit running and face

the music?"

168 Robert Asprin

The vampire gnawed his lower lip as he thought.

"You're sure it will be all right?"

"I can't say for sure until I talk to my partner," I ad-

mitted, "but I'm pretty sure things will be amenable.

The main problem is to get the murder charges against

him dropped... which I think we've already accom-

plished. As for you, I think the only thing they could

have against you is false arrest, and there's no way Aahz

will press charges on that one."

"Why not?"

I gave him my best grin.

"Because if he did, we couldn't take you back to

Deva to deal with the swindling charge. Believe me, if

given a chance between revenge and saving money, you

can trust Aahz to be forgiving every time."

Vic thought about it for a few more moments, then

shrugged.

"Embarrassment I'm used to dealing with, and I

think I can beat the swindling rap. C'mon, Skeeve. Let's

get this thing over with."

Having finally reached a truce, however temporary,

we descended together to face the waiting crowd.

"There's no accounting for taste!"

—COLONEL SANDERS

"BUT Skeeve...."

BANG!

"...I told you before...."

BANG! BANG!

"... I could never abandon Matt...."

BANG!

"... he's my partner!"

BANG .'BANG!

"ButLu...."

BANG!

"... excuse me. HEY, PARTNER! COULD YOU

KNOCK OFF THE HAMMERING FOR A MINUTE?

I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION

HERE!"

"Not a chance," Aahz growled around his mouthful

of nails. "I'm shutting this door permanently before

anything else happens. But tell you what, I'll try to ham-

mer quietly."

169

170 Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS

171

If you deduce from all this that we were back at our

place on Deva, you're right. After some long, terse con-

versations with the citizens of Blut and fond farewells to

Vilhelm and Pepe, our whole crew, including our three

captives, had trooped back to the castle and through the

door without incident.

I had hoped to have a few moments alone with Lu-