Robert Asprin - Mything Persons

before. This turkey behind us could be a decoy, know

what I mean?"

"I thought you used decoys for ducks, not turkeys,"

Massha scowled.

"Well, if that's what's happening, then we're sitting

ducks, if it makes you feel any better."

"Could both of you just be quiet for a few minutes

and let me think?" I said, suddenly impatient with their

banter.

"Well, maybe it isn't so bad," Guido said in a doubt-

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MYTH-ING PERSONS 69

Robert Asprin

ful voice. "I'm pretty sure I would have spotted the

back-up team if there was one."

"Oh sure," Massha sneered. "Coming out of a town

full of vampires that can change themselves into mist

whenever they want. Of course you'd spot them."

"Hey. The Boss here can chew on me if he wants, but

I don't have to take that from you. You didn't even spot

the turkey, remember?"

"The only turkey I can see is... ."

"Enough!" I ordered, having arrived at a decision

despite their lack of cooperation. "We have to find out

for sure who's behind us and what they want. This is as

good a place as any, so I suggest we all retire into the

bushes and wait for our shadow to catch up with us. ...

No, Massha. I'll be over here with Guido. You take the

other side of the road."

That portion of my plan had less to do with military

strategy than with an effort on my part to preserve what

little was left of my nerves. I figured the only way to

shut the two of them up was to separate them.

"I'm sorry, Boss," Guido whispered as we crouched

side by side in the brush. "I keep forgettin' that you

aren't as into crime as the boys I usually run with."

Well, I had been half right. Massha on the other side

of the road was being quiet, but as long as he had some-

one to talk to, Guido was going to keep on expressing

his thoughts and opinions. I was starting to understand

why Don Bruce insisted on doing all the talking when

the bodyguards were around. Encouraging employees to

speak up as equals definitely had its drawbacks.

"Will you keep your voice down?" I tried once more.

"This is supposed to be an ambush."

"Don't worry about that. Boss. It'll be a while be-

fore they catch up, and when they do, I'll hear 'em be-

fore. ..."

"Isthatyou.Skeeve?"

The voice came from the darkness just up the road.

I gave Guido my darkest glare, and he rewarded it

with an apologetic shrug that didn't look particularly

sincere to me.

Then it dawned on me where I had heard that voice

before.

"Right here," I said, rising from my crouch and step-

ping onto the road. "We've been waiting for you. I

think it's about time we had a little chat."

Aside from covering my embarrassment over having

been discovered, that had to be my best understatement

in quite a while. The last time I had seen this particular

person, she was warning me about Aahz's imprison-

ment.

"Good." She stepped forward to meet me. "That's

why I've been following you. I was hoping we

could...."

Her words stopped abruptly as Guido and Massha

rose from the bushes and moved to join us.

"Well, look who's here," Massha said, flashing one

of her less pleasant smiles.

"If it isn't the little bird who sang to the vampires,"

Guido leered, matching my apprentice's threatening

tone.

The girl favored them with a withering glance, then

faced me again.

"I was hoping we could talk alone. I've got a lot to

say and not much time to say it. It would go faster if we

weren't interrupted."

"Not a chance, Sweetheart," Guido snarled. "I'm

not goin' to let the Boss out of my sight with you

around."

"... besides which, I've got a few things to tell you

myself," Massha added, "like what I think of folks who

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Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 71

think frames look better on people than on paintings."

The girl's eyes never left mine. For all her bravado, I

thought I could detect in their depths an appeal for help.

"Please," she said softly.

I fought a brief skirmish in my mind, and, as usual,

common sense lost.

"All right."

"WHAT! C'mon, Boss. You can't let her get you

alone! If her pals are around...."

"Hot Stuff, if I have to sit on you. you aren't going

to...."

"Look!" I said, wrenching my eyes away from the

girl to confront my mutinous staff. "We'll only go a

few steps down the road there, in plain sight. If any-

thing happens you'll be able to pitch in before it gets

serious."

"But...."

"... and you certainly can't think she's going to

jump me. I mean, it's a cinch she isn't carrying any con-

cealed weapons."

That was a fact. She had changed outfits since the last

time I saw her, probably to fit in more with the exotic

garb favored by the party-loving vampires. She was

wearing what I've heard referred to as a "tank top"

which left her midsection and navel delightfully ex-

posed, and the open-sided skirt (if you can call two flaps

of cloth that) showed her legs up past her hips. If she

had a weapon with her, she had swallowed it. Either

that, or....

I dragged my thoughts back to the argument.

"The fact of the matter is that she isn't going to talk

in front of a crowd. Now, am I going to get a chance to

hear another viewpoint about what's going on, or are

we going to keep groping around for information with

Aahz's life hanging in the balance?"

My staff fell silent and exchanged glances, each wait-

ing for the other to risk the next blast.

"Well, okay," Massha agreed at last. "But watch

yourself, Hot Stuff. Remember, poison can come in

pretty bottles."

So, under the ever-watchful glares of my assistants, I

retired a few steps down the road for my first words

alone with....

"Say, what is your name, anyway?"

"Hmmm? Oh. I'm Luanna. Say, thanks for backing

me up. That's a pretty mean-looking crew you hang

around with. I had heard you had a following, but I

hadn't realized how nasty they were."

"Oh, they're okay once you get to know them. If you

worked with them on a day-to-day basis, you'd find out

that they... heck, none of us are really as dangerous or

effective as the publicity hype cuts us out to be."

I was suddenly aware of her eyes on me. Her expres-

sion was strange ... sort of a bitter half-smile.

"I've always heard that really powerful people tended

to understate what they can do, that they don't have to

brag. I never really believed it until now."

I really didn't know what to say to that. I mean, my

reputation had gotten big enough that I was starting to

get used to being recognized and talked about at the

Bazaar, but what she was displaying was neither fear

nor envy. Among my own set of friends, admiration or

praise was always carefully hidden within our own

brand of rough humor or teasing. Faced with the undi-

luted form of the same thing, I was at a loss as to how to

respond.

"Ummm, what was it you wanted to talk to me

about?"

Her expression fell and she dropped her eyes.

"This is so embarrassing. Please be patient with me,

72 Robert Asprin

MYTH-ING PERSONS

73

Skeeve ... is it all right if I call you Skeeve? I haven't

had much experience with saying 'I'm sorry'... heck, I

haven't had much experience with people at all. Just

partners and pigeons. Now that I'm here, I really don't

know what to say."