Connie Willis - Doomsday Book

Roche was still screaming, a long, impossible sound like a tortured animal. Kivrin rolled slowly onto her left side, holding her hand tightly against her ribs, so she could see him. He rocked back and forth like a child, screaming all the while, his naked legs drawn up protectively to his chest. She could not see the bubo.

Kivrin tried to raise herself, bracing her hand against the stone floor until she was half-sitting, and then edging it toward her till she could put both hands down and get onto her knees. She cried out, little whimpering screams that were lost in Roche's. He must have broken some ribs. She spat on her hand, afraid of seeing blood.

When she was finally on her knees, she sat back on her feet a minute, huddling against the pain. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to hurt you." She half-crawled towards him on her knees, using her right hand as a crutch. The effort made her breathe more deeply, and every breath stabbed into her side. "It's all right, Roche," she whispered. "I'm coming. I'm coming."

He pulled his legs up spasmodically at the sound of her voice, and she moved around to his side, between him and the side wall, well out of his reach. When he kicked her, he had knocked over one of St. Catherine's candles, and it lay in a yellow puddle beside him, still burning. Kivrin set it upright and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Shh, Roche," she said. "It's all right. I'm here now."

He stopped screaming. "I'm sorry," she said, leaning over him. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was only trying to lance the bubo."

His knees pulled up even tighter than before. Kivrin picked up the red candle and held it above his naked backside. She could see the bubo, black and hard in the candle's light. She had not even pierced it. She raised the candle higher, trying to see where the knife had gone. It had clattered away in the direction of the tomb. She held the candle out in that direction, hoping to catch a glint of metal. She couldn't see anything.

She started to stand up, moving carefully to guard against the pain, but halfway to her feet it caught at her, and she cried out and bent forward.

"What is it?" Roche said. His eyes were open, and there was a little blood at the corner of his mouth. She wondered if he had bitten through his tongue when he was screaming. "Have I done hurt to you?"

"No," she said, kneeling back down beside him. "No. You have done no hurt." She blotted at his mouth with the sleeve of her jerkin.

"You must," he said, and when he opened his mouth, more blood leaked out. He swallowed. "You must say the prayers for the dying."

"No," she said. "You will not die." She wiped at his mouth again. "But I must lance your bubo before it ruptures."

"Do not," he said, and she did not know whether he meant don't lance the bubo or don't leave. His teeth were gritted, and blood was leaking between them. She sank into a sitting position, careful not to cry out, and took his head onto her lap.

" Requiem aeternam dona eis ," he said and made a gurgling sound, " et lux perpetua ."

The blood was seeping from the roof of his mouth. She propped his head up higher, wadding the purple coverlet under it, wiping his mouth and chin with her jerkin. It was sodden with blood. She reached off to the side for his alb. "Do not," he said.

"I won't," she said. "I'm right here."

"Pray for me," he said and tried to bring his hands together on his chest. "Wreck — " He choked on the word he was trying to say, and it ended in a gurgling sound.

" Requiem aeternam ," Kivrin said. She folded her own hands. " Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine ," she said.

" Et lux — " he said.

The red candle beside Kivrin flickered out, and the church was filled with the sharp smell of smoke. She glanced round at the other candles. There was only one left, the last of Lady Imeyne's wax candles, and it was burnt nearly down to the lip of its holder.

" Et lux perpetua ," Kivrin said.

" Luceat eis ," Roche said. He stopped and tried to lick his bloody lips. His tongue was swollen and stiff. " Dies irae, dies illa ." He swallowed again and tried to close his eyes.

"Don't put him through any more of this," she whispered in English. "Please. It's not fair."

" Beata ," she thought he said and tried to think of the next line, but it didn't begin with "blessed."

"What?" she said, leaning over him.

"In the last days," he said, his voice blurred by his swollen tongue.

She leaned closer.

"I feared that God would forsake us utterly."

And he has, she thought. She wiped at his mouth and chin with the tail of her jerkin. He has.

"But in His great mercy He did not," he swallowed again, "but sent His saint unto us."

He raised his head and coughed, and blood rushed out over both of them, saturating his chest and her knees. She wiped at it frantically, trying to stop it, trying to keep his head up, and she couldn't see through her tears to wipe the blood away.

"And I'm no use," she said, wiping at her tears.

"Why do you weep?" he said.

"You saved my life," she said, and her voice caught in a sob, "and I can't save yours."

"All men must die," Roche said, "and none, nor even Christ, can save them."

"I know," she said. She cupped her hand under her face, trying to catch her tears. They collected on her hand and fell dripping onto Roche's neck.

"Yet have you saved me," he said, and his voice sounded clearer. "From fear." He took a gurgling breath. "And unbelief."

She wiped at her tears with the back of her hand and took hold of Roche's hand. It felt cold and already stiff.

"I am most blessed of all men," he said and closed his eyes.

Kivrin shifted a little so her back was against the wall. It was dark outside, no light at all coming in through the narrow windows. Lady Imeyne's candle sputtered and then flamed again. She moved Roche's head so it didn't push against her ribs. He groaned, and his hand jerked as if to free itself of hers, but she held on. The candle flickered into sudden brightness and left them in darkness.

I don't think I'm going to make it back, Mr. Dunworthy. Roche told me where the drop is, but I've broken some ribs, I think, and all the horses are gone. I don't think I can get up on Roche's donkey without a saddle.

I'm going to try to see to it that Ms. Montoya finds this. Tell Mr. Latimer adjectival inflection was still prominent in 1348. And tell Mr. Gilchrist he was wrong. The statistics weren't exaggerated.

I don't want you to blame yourself for what happened. I know you would have come to get me if you could, but I couldn't have gone anyway, not with Agnes ill.

I wanted to come, and if I hadn't, they would have been all alone, and nobody would have ever known how frightened and brave and irreplaceable they were.

It's strange. When I couldn't find the drop and the plague came, you seemed so far away I would not ever be able to find you again. But I know now that you were here all along, and that nothing, not the Black Death or seven hundred years, nor death nor things to come nor any other creature could ever separate me from your caring and concern. It was with me every minute.

"Colin!" Dunworthy shouted, grabbing Colin's arm as he dived under the drape and into the net, head down. "What in God's name do you think you're doing?"

Colin twisted free of his grasp. "I don't think you should go alone!"

"You can't just break through the net! This isn't a quarantine perimeter. What if the net had opened? You could have been killed!" He took hold of Colin's arm again and started toward the console. "Badri! Hold the drop!"