Gord Zajac - Major Karnage

She leaned in close, speaking softly. “For fear is the Worm-killer. Fear is the doubt that sedates the Inner Worm. Confront your fear. Set your Inner Worm upon it, and you will feel it disappear. For in truth, there is no fear. There is only The Worm. And The Worm… is The Word! Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

“Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

Tristan continued. “As you head into battle, remember that the enemy, too, will be frightened—more frightened, in fact, than any of you could ever be. For they are not Spragmites! They do not have Spragmos on their side. Their Inner Worms lie in slumber. They have not heard The Word.”

“Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

“Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

Tristan beamed out at the crowd. “Oh, I will be proud to lead you into battle. So proud to fight alongside you all. In the name of Spragmos! Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

“Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow!”

Tristan strode purposely off the stage while the crowd cheered. They broke into spontaneous chants of “Ma-ma-oo-pow-pow.”

The crowd was still chanting when Tristan appeared through the curtains. She smiled at Karnage. “So? How did I do?”

“You’d have made one hell of a military commander,” Karnage said.

“Yes,” Tristan said. “Yes, I would. I have done my part, Major. Now it is time for you and Russell to do yours.”

Karnage nodded. “We’ll move into position. Once we see the first of the worms hit the main gates, we’ll head in.” He turned to Stumpy. “Let’s go, Corporal.”

Stumpy saluted. “Yes, sir.”

“Good luck, Major,” Tristan said. “And please don’t take this the wrong way, but I sincerely hope I never see you again.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Karnage said.

“They’re on the move.” Stumpy had his eye on the scope of his rifle. He stood up. They were on a ridge overlooking Dabneyville in the distance. Karnage saw the needle-like line of the Dabney National tower against the thick lush green of Mount Dabney. The clouds covering the squidbug mothership were white and fluffy.

“Let’s go, Corporal.” Karnage climbed into the front of the flightpack. Stumpy strapped himself into his makeshift harness on the back. He was seated higher than Karnage, his feet dangling above the ground. Karnage hit the activators and the flightpack rose into the air.

They flew high above the desert, slowly approaching Mount Dabney. Karnage saw the undulating bodies of the train of worms as they raced down the Gail Dabney Expressway. The train hit the gates, and burst through without even slowing down.

“Good old E-nium!” Stumpy shouted.

The line of worms disappeared behind the city walls. They caught sight of them again when they were closer to the city. The worms were moving slowly now, inching their way through the streets. Some of the Spragmites had dismounted. They were looking around, confused. Karnage could see why. There was no resistance. The streets were empty. There was no one for them to fight. Karnage’s heart jumped, and he looked up at the clouds. If they ain’t there… what am I gonna do?

Karnage caught a small dot of movement. A sewer grate popped open, and somebody crawled out.

No, Karnage thought. Not somebody. Some thing .

The creature had four arms and tentacles undulating from its back like Karnage’s clone.

Karnage pointed it out to Stumpy. “Humbug,” he shouted.

It carried something in its hands. Karnage couldn’t tell if it was a goober rifle or an energy spear. One of the Spragmites rounded the corner and stopped when he saw the humbug. He turned back to his comrades, then motioned towards the humbug. The humbug levelled its weapon and fired a green energy ball. The Spragmite disappeared. More creatures poured up out of the sewer and charged the Spragmites head on. The humbugs charged through the streets, firing pink and green balls at the Spragmites. They were quickly decimated.

The second wave of worms came barrelling through the wall and ploughed through the humbugs, spilling them in all directions. Spragmites jumped down from the worms and grabbed stray weapons. A Spragmite grabbed an energy spear and accidentally shot himself, disappearing instantly. Another grabbed a goober rifle and fired, winging a humbug in an arm. The Spragmites and humbugs became a quivering, roiling mob of arms and tentacles, accentuated by the occasional green and pink flash.

“Major! Look out!” Stumpy pointed towards the mountain.

Karnage looked and saw a pair of Dabneycops flying towards them in flightpacks. As they approached, Karnage saw they had four arms sticking out from their uniforms, and a mess of mouth tentacles fringed the base of their visors. Their extra arms held goober rifles. They fired at Karnage and Stumpy.

“Squidcops!” Karnage shouted. He dipped down, out of the path of the goober. “Return fire!” he barked.

Stumpy aimed and fired, hitting a squidcop in the leg. It spun out of control and struck its partner. There was an explosion of yellow smoke and the two squidcops plummeted towards the ground.

“Here come some more!”

Another pair were flying up from the town. Karnage increased his altitude, heading for the cloud. Almost there. Almost there.

Stumpy strafed the incoming squidcops with goober. One of the squidcops took a blast to the face. The flightpack flipped end over end as the ball of goober expanded over the flightpack’s controls. It tumbled back down to the town below. The other squidcop levelled a goober pistol at Karnage and fired. Karnage tried to duck, but it struck the back of his hoverball. He spiralled out of control and the flightpack started spinning towards the mountain. “Stumpy! Solvent!” he yelled.

“On it!” Stumpy pulled out the can of solvent. He reached over the edge of the balls and sprayed down the goober. It pulled off and liquified into a long stream of pink. Karnage restabilized, and just missed hitting the trees. A spray of pine needles stung his legs. Another couple of squidcops joined the first in the chase as Karnage banked up into the cloud.

“Major, look out!”

The mothership instantly appeared through the mist. Karnage pulled back and yanked the emergency brake. A parachute shot out of the back of the flightpack, slowing them down, but not enough. The flightpack clipped the top edge of the ship, and something sheared off. “Rear stabilizer’s gone!” Stumpy shouted.

“Abandon balls!” Karnage and Stumpy unstrapped themselves and tumbled down onto the mothership, rolling across its surface. Karnage came to a stop facing up, and saw a pair of squidcops fly by above them in pursuit of their damaged flightpack that cavorted and frolicked until it disappeared into the mist. The squidcops followed, and the buzzing of their flightpacks slowly faded away. He turned and saw Stumpy struggling to his feet nearby.

Karnage looked down. He was standing on the squidbug mothership. Panels flickered with green light. An occasional sliver of white light cut a squiggling path along the surface.

Karnage sniffed the air. It stank of squidbug. He looked at Stumpy. “Looks like we made it, Corporal,” Karnage said.

Stumpy looked around with wide, terrified eyes. “How do we get in?”

Karnage spotted a thin streak of white light flickering towards them. He dropped his foot on it as it was about to speed by. The light curled back and started spinning around Karnage’s foot. Another sliver of white cut a zig-zag pattern across the surface of the mothership. It headed right for Karnage, and joined the first in orbiting his foot.

More and more lines of white joined the others under Karnage’s foot, until it had formed a bright quivering puddle of white. Stumpy watched in awe as the puddle spilled forward, urging them to follow it. The light rippled and ebbed across the rough surface of the ship. It flowed around panels, occasionally darted back to avoid a random burst of green, and finally pooled in a ring around a large hatch. The ring glowed brightly, then winked out. The hatch spiralled open.