Meg Elison - The Book of the Unnamed Midwife

When he was gone, she went out to Potter’s Field and buried her cell phone. She had carried it from San Francisco. From that time, she had only her phone, her knife, and her book. The phone would never be useful again, and she left it for Jack. It used to connect them. It was only a symbol, but she thought that it might connect them again. She couldn’t cry. She left the field without anything to say that would sum it all up.

Jax was elected to council to take Daniel’s place. Jax had taken Mariah’s last name, and so he was Jax Sweeney. Mariah was still alive, and Jax was one of three.

The next year, Jane saw Colleen through another pregnancy. Colleen was living with Bart and Eric, she said it could be either one of theirs. Jane furrowed her greying eyebrows and looked at her mutilated genitals, ready to confirm what the woman already knew.

“You’re pregnant. About two months, I’d say.”

“Yeah.”

“Can you still have an orgasm?”

“I’m not sure. I think I never had one before. I still enjoy sex, though.”

Take that away with a knife. I dare you.

Jane nodded. “I’ll want to see you every month, if you’re going to keep it. If you’re not, you should decide soon.”

Colleen shrugged. “What’s the point of aborting now?”

“Not getting sick. Not getting torn open. Not dying of the fever that pops up after.”

“Nobody has died of the fever in two years.” Colleen bit her lip.

“No, they haven’t. It’s up to you.”

“I’ll keep it. It’ll give everyone something to talk about.” Colleen fixed her skirt and stood up.

“Ok?”

“Sure.” Jane walked outside with her and watched the clouds roll past, fast and low.

Jane watched Colleen’s pregnancy through the summer. A group of slavers was hanged on a very hot day and the Fort gained another woman. A beautiful bald black girl named Shayla. She thought she was about twenty years old, but she wasn’t sure. Her age was debated as Jane tried to place the time of her birth relative to the plague. Shayla did not remember her parents, only which she had been with a succession of men as far back as she could remember. She was very smart and could read. She wanted to be trained as a nurse. Jane took her on and taught her the basics of midwifery using Colleen as an example.

Colleen went into labor during the coldest part of the year. The two men she lived with had to dig snow out of the door of the infirmary to bring her in. Jane came in and sent them to get Shayla. Neither one of them wanted to stay. Jane understood.

They scrubbed their hands.

“Have you seen a baby born?”

“No.”

“You been doing the reading?”

“Yes. But the reading doesn’t explain about the fever.”

“The fever is new and the books are old. I want you to assist me, and if you have any questions you can ask. Try to keep Colleen calm. You know she’s cut, right?”

“I know. Glad I’m not.”

“You and me both.”

Colleen was on a low bed, laying on her side. She moaned a little and Jane could see her belly cramping.

“Is that how you’re most comfortable?”

Colleen nodded.

Shayla brought cold snowy water without being asked and sat quietly. Colleen drank.

Jane watched and waited. When Colleen shifted her weight, she checked for dilation.

“We’re halfway there. Drink some more, ok?”

Colleen took tiny sips. “I want to give the baby a name.”

“That’s fine, most people do.”

“I’ve been trying not to think about it.” Her face crimped into a series of lines as another contraction hit. She breathed through it. “But today’s the day, so I think I will.”

“Sure. Shayla, will you get me the laudanum?” Jane had distilled the drug herself out of poppies that had been brought back from a raid and cultivated on the grounds. Laudanum tincture was not morphine, but it was better than nothing. She worried more about antibiotics, which she had not yet managed to synthesize.

Shayla came back with the cobalt blue glass bottle. Jane set it down and waited.

Colleen tossed and turned. She could not get comfortable. Jane watched.

“When she’s ready, she’ll get into a position that lets gravity help us. Just let her be.” Jane spoke in a low voice to Shayla. Shayla was still.

When Colleen shifted up to her hands and knees, Jane rolled her chair in close and motioned for Shayla to do the same.

“Alright, Colleen, it’s crowning. I can see it. A couple more hard pushes and you’ve got it.”

Colleen bore down, making a low powerful sound. Her hand flew without her volition to touch the baby’s head. She pushed again and the baby gushed free, slipping into Jane’s hands.

The child cried right away, loud and lusty. Jane sighed. It was so much worse when they cried, when the little cries faded away to silence. She laid the baby down naked at the foot of the bed and addressed herself to Colleen and to Shayla.

“Now we deliver the placenta and try to stop the bleeding.”

“I want to hold her, giver her to me!” Colleen was sobbing and trying to turn herself over.

“Colleen, it will be harder if… shit. Fine. Ok.” Jane wrapped the still-crying baby in a towel. She didn’t look the child in the face. She did not ask how Colleen knew she had given birth to a girl. She laid the bundle in Colleen’s lap when she was right and Colleen prepared to nurse the child.

Jane watched, detached. It wouldn’t hurt either of them. She thought it was a terrible idea, but she couldn’t stop it. Colleen was running on wordless instinct. Trying to get in the way of it would be as pointless as trying to halt birth once it had begun.

Colleen yelped a little as the girl latched on. She contracted again and the placenta rushed forth.

“Watch that and tell me when it stops pulsing.”

Shayla looked pale, but she nodded and her eyes only strayed to the baby a few times as she watched. Jane cut the cord when the pulsing had stopped and wrapped the placenta in a towel. Gently, slowly they moved Colleen to a clean bed. The baby continued to nurse. Jane had not cleaned an infant in twenty years. She remembered how, and looking now she thought she should. She waited.

Colleen’s child fell away from the nipple, obviously asleep. The three women sat in silence, watching her and waiting for her breath to stop. No one said a word for a long time.

Dawn surprised everyone but Jane. She was still awake, still staring at the little bundle as it went on breathing. Colleen had slept with her arms around the baby, as natural as anything. Jane had checked them both for fever a dozen times. Shayla had dozed in her chair.

Jane thought she counted six hours since this baby was born. This was longer than any baby had lasted so far. She put a hand on Shayla’s shoulder and the girl stirred.

“Heat up some water and bring me more clean towels, please.”

Jane had to coax Colleen into letting go.

“Don’t take her! She’s still breathing! Just let me hold her until she stops!”

“It’s ok. It’s ok. I’m going to clean her up and look her over, that’s all.” She took the child and Colleen cried softly.

Jane bathed the baby there in the room where Colleen could see. The child cried the quick, sharp cry of a newborn. She did not like the cold when the air touched her wet skin, and Jane knew she didn’t like being away from her mother. The baby was clean, dusky pink, perfectly formed, and alive. She swaddled the baby tight into a towel and took her back to Colleen.

“I think she’s hungry again,” Colleen said, opening her blouse. Jane and Shayla stared.

They did not tell anyone that day. The infirmary doors stayed closed and no one came to call. Births were given a solemn silence so that everyone might grieve. It was usual for no one to come for three days or more.