F. Fowler - Fifty Shades of Chicken

2 Preheat the oven to 400° F. Pat the chicken very dry, including the cavity. Rub the skin with the remaining 1 tablespoon oil. Season the chicken inside and out with the salt and pepper. Take a generous handful of the chorizo mixture and plunge it deep into the cavity. Pack the cavity loosely; you want it to feel full but not overwhelmed. Reserve any remaining stuffing to bake alongside in a ramekin.

3 Cut two generous lengths of kitchen twine. With the first, lash together the legs at the ankles, crossing the twine several times before securing with a double knot. Secure the second around the length of the chicken’s body, pinning its wings closely to its sides. You don’t want it to move at all or leak any stuffing.

4 Place the chicken on its back on a rack set over a rimmed baking sheet. Roast until the thigh juices run clear and the skin is crisp and golden, about 45 minutes to 1 hour. Cover with foil and let rest for 15 minutes before carving.

LEARNING THE ROPES

If you can’t find chorizo, a fresh, spicy uncured sausage, a hot Italian sausage will do the job just as well. The hotter, the better.

Blades comes into the kitchen with a guy in a pale brown shirt, stone chinos, and small hoops in each of his large ears. He’s long and slim, with cavernous dark eyes. His hair is scruffy and looks oddly unkempt, and he has a desperate, hungry look.

It’s our editor, Wiley.

“So this is the bird?” His eyes seem to bulge from their sockets.

Blades tenses. “Yes, this is my chicken.” His voice makes it clear who rules this roost.

Wiley cocks his head to either side in a disturbingly familiar way. “I’d like to take a few photos while I’m here. Purely for reference, of course.”

Blades’s expression darkens momentarily.

“Photos,” he mumbles. “Well, we’ll have to see about that.”

The idea of being photographed makes me incredibly nervous. Illustrations maybe. I had imagined diagrams. But photos? Jeez, I hope this recipe doesn’t make my butt look big.

Blades ushers Wiley out and returns with a sigh of relief.

“Well, Mr. Blades, are we alone?” I coo.

“I believe you are entirely defenseless, Miss Hen.”

I find myself once again stretched out on the cool granite of his sleek countertop.

I’ve never seen anyone move a knife so fast and sure. He passes it so smoothly into me, I hardly know it’s happened until I fall apart in a crisp heap. I groan, reveling in the sensation as he corrals me with a deft nudge of the tip of his knife. He’s earning his nickname tonight.

crunchy chicken parmesan croquettes

MAKES ABOUT 1½ DOZEN CROQUETTES

2½ cups shredded cooked chicken

¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 small onion, finely chopped

2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

¼ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Pinch of cayenne pepper

¼ cup all-purpose flour

1 cup whole milk

¼ teaspoon coarse kosher salt, plus more as needed

¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

2 large eggs

¾ cup plain bread crumbs

⅓ cup grated Parmesan cheese, plus more for serving

¼ cup finely chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley

Safflower or canola oil, for frying

Lemon wedges, for serving

1 Using a steady knife and a disciplined hand, finely chop the chicken meat (you can also pulse it in the food processor until minced).

2 Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic, nutmeg, and cayenne. Cook for 1 minute. Stir in the flour, then gradually whisk in the milk; season it with salt and pepper. Simmer for 3 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until the mixture is thick and bubbly. Scrape the mixture into a bowl and fold in the chicken; let cool. Taste and add more salt if needed. Cover and refrigerate until chilled, at least 1 hour.

3 Using moist hands, form the mixture into 18 equal-sized egg-shaped croquettes (each about 2½ inches across).

4 In a wide, shallow bowl, beat the eggs with 3 table-spoons water. In a separate dish, combine the bread crumbs, cheese, and parsley. Dip each croquette in the egg mixture, then coat with bread crumbs and transfer to a platter.

5 Fill a small pot halfway with oil and heat to 365°F. Fry the croquettes in batches, turning twice, until golden brown, about 3 minutes. Transfer to a paper towel–lined plate to drain. Serve immediately, with lemon wedges and more grated cheese on top.

Wiley is staring hungrily at my legs. He reaches out a tentative hand. Blades sets his mouth in a hard line. “Wiley…” he says menacingly.

Wiley backs off in dismay. “Excuse me. I didn’t mean…”

Blades carries me over to the other counter.

“I don’t like you exposing so much flesh on camera,” he hisses under his breath to me. “That’s a hard limit for me.”

Clearly he hasn’t grasped the whole idea of food photography.

“How do you expect to get pictures for our cookbook?” I ask. “I’ll have to show myself. Legs. Breast. The whole enchilada.”

“Perhaps, Miss Hen,” he says dryly. He turns around and stalks off to the pantry. That’s it? My Shifty doesn’t usually give up so easily. Wiley waits quietly.

A few minutes later Blades comes back carrying a ball of dough—and a rolling pin. Oh my, what’s he going to do with that?

He uses it to roll out the dough. Oh . I’m a little disappointed.

He places me in a deep, round baking dish. So far so good. He takes strips of dough and lays one gently across me. Then another, and another.

Holy fuck. He’s hooding me with crust. I see him smirk just before he covers me over completely. The bastard.

“Now you may shoot the bird,” he says. I hear Wiley start to click away.

Inside the solid crust I’m steaming up.

creamy chicken pot pie

SERVES 6 TO 8

FOR THE CRUST

10 tablespoons unsalted butter, ice cold

1⅓ cups all-purpose flour

¼ teaspoon fine sea salt

1 to 3 tablespoons ice-cold water, as needed

FOR THE FILLING

4 tablespoons unsalted butter

2 medium leeks, rinsed and thinly sliced

2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

1 small turnip, peeled and diced

1 carrot, peeled and diced

1 celery stalk, peeled and diced small

1 garlic clove, chopped

½ teaspoon dried thyme

¼ cup all-purpose flour

2 cups unsalted chicken broth

½ cup heavy cream, plus more as needed

¾ teaspoon coarse kosher salt

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper