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FIFTY SHADES OF SIGHT

Audrey Ellis

Copyright © Audrey Ellis 2013

eBook conversion by M-Y Books

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, by photocopying or by any electronic or mechanical means, Including information storage or retrieval systems, without permission in writing from both the copyright owner and the publisher of this book.

'Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'

Helen Keller (1880-1968; author and pioneer who altered our perception of the disabled and remapped the boundaries of sight and sense)

Stories and photographs capture the life of our town. The display takes place in a Community Centre; once a Methodist Chapel. Volunteers are busy, preparing for the opening of what is hoped, will be a happy day. Stories shared, drawing as moths are drawn to the light, residents together. An anxious woman waits for her day to unfold whilst helpers buzz like bees around a honey-pot. St Mary’s Parish church strikes nine.

A blind girl waits for the sound of a steam train and trembles; this is where our true story must begin.

May drew her collar up against the cold; sensing the wind shifting slightly to the east.

“Stand clear, the train approaching platform two is a through train. Please stand clear”. The Tannoy had a slight echo. She lifted her head, listening to the remaining resonance, which was soon submerged by the murmur of other waiting passengers. To her left was the scrape of a boot on the platform, and a barked laugh. Behind her, in the distance a car horn sounded. How far was the road? – she wondered as she half turned, to hear more clearly, but then swung to the front again as she felt a slight touch on her shoulder, and recognised the voice of the kind young Porter.

“You’ll be OK now, love. Here comes your friend, and what a smashing looking guide dog she has!” He tentatively reached out and placed May’s hand on her friend’s shoulder as she drew closer- feeling the steam on her shins.

“Thanks you for your help, but we will be fine now won't we?

A momentary silence followed whilst her friend reached down for her dog’s harness; tussling with her carrier bags.

There followed a walk of winding stops and starts in New Street as they encountered irregular pavements as well as various potholes. May heard and imagined pushchairs and prams, with vigilant or sleeping faces beneath woolen blankets. Cycles with lights dimmed, heads erect, whilst May’s collapsible cane swept wide to the left and the right.

Rita whispered whilst gripping May’s hood-

“This is the place where I first got drunk!”

“Trust you, but I’m not surprised to hear this. I guess your parents weren’t impressed though!”

Giggling quietly, shoulder to shoulder, they sat at an oval, highly polished table where stained table mats of the world they couldn't see stuck. Moments later they struggled to get to the bar. Some of the crowd they moved through, as they carried their slopping drinks, insensitively stopping to whisper. They disliked anyone feeling sorry for them.

Rita bent down and stroked her dog’s soft, warm coat. May smiled as the biggest sneeze broke the silence.

“If you blow your nose anymore, you'll make it bleed!”

“I know, bloody flu! I couldn’t eat that much at Christmas, and you must still remember how I always loved my food. What the heck are you laughing at now May?”

“How do you know I am laughing?”

“I can feel it” she replied.

It’s good to laugh though. You don’t know how much I've looked forward to seeing you. It’s great to chat to someone I can trust!”

Neither viewed their blindness as a personal tragedy, yet they wished society’s ideas regarding disability was a little more understanding.

“We must have been eleven…do you remember May?”

May laughed whilst gently kicking her friend’s ankles.

“Remember what; you’re always going on off into your own little world. Anyway I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about!”

“Sorry May! I was thinking back to when we went to secondary boarding school at eleven, and we both panicked after we forgot our way to the science classroom. All the narrow hallways felt the same. Our bloody sticks weren’t much use. Two frightened kids’ miles away from home. Some smug soul came up from out of nowhere. What made those struggles difficult was someone must have been watching us all along”.

Let’s look on the bright side Rita, after all gained our independence, as well as our everyday living skills, and we wouldn’t be here now without them?”

“Yes, I know mate, it’s a pity the staff didn’t acknowledged how alone we all felt back then.

May was ready to break the news she'd been itching to share when a barmaid dropped a pint glass on the floor. As it shattered May broke news she’d been wishing to tell her boarding school friend.

The week-end passed quickly.

Breathlessly having run the length of the road where she’d played as a child she stopped running. May hesitated at the front door before anxiously taking a deep breath. Her damp leather soles slipped on the tiles. She dropped her bag with a thud onto the floor before reaching to hang up her coat. She wondered what mood her father might be in. As she pushed open the door she heard her father's voice.

“I wanted more for you, our May, and not your preposterous talk of marriage your Ma’s told me about. It’s obvious that you haven’t talked this barmy idea through – two blind folks talking of marriage, I’ve never heard the like!”

Unable to contain her anger May moved forward in the direction of her father; huddling as close to the hearth as he could.

“I know it was love that sent me to a boarding school in Birmingham? But is this love now, Dad?”

Moving heavily in his armchair, reaching to turn up the wireless, he muttered

“Your mother and I acted as we did because we loved you, and to give you the best start in life!”

What her dad was saying meant her dreams of an ordinary family life would not be possible if she didn’t start making her own decisions; however frightening they might seem. How she wished he might take responsibility for his mistakes, but few in the family ever spoke about them. A stroke of luck on a pools win a few years earlier had allowed him to hand in his resignation to a national parcel delivery firm where he had worked as a lorry driver, after being DE-mobbed and then to invest in a farm with his winnings.

“It’s not very sensible lass!” – That was one of his well-stocked phrases – “It’s criminal that you should think of falling in love, never mind marriage, or cruelly thinking of kids, our May”.

He’d little idea how she felt. What right did he have to think she shouldn’t have dreams like everyone else in her town? In the past, men hadn’t got close to May, and closeness had made her feel uncomfortable, yet now it wasn’t fear she felt, but love. Then later there was the incident with the stick. This time, though, she was ready to fight her dad as she was anyone who tried to stand in her way!

“Anyway,” he muttered, as he gazed guiltily, she was sure, at her sightless eyes, whilst she stood quietly by the cracked hearth.

“Don’t you think that this is all rather sudden, as well as being bloody foolish and ill-thought-out? Ah well, this won’t buy the baby a new dress, or pay the old women her thru pence” he muttered, as he crunched his peppermint stripe, dropping the wrapper into a tin mug of cold tea on the cracked hearth.

“It never helps to get carried away, our May. You know we will always look after you whilst we can!”