F. Fowler - Fifty Shades of Chicken

½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

1 lemon, quartered

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

1 onion, thinly sliced

1 Firmly rub the chicken inside and out with salt and pepper, paying special attention to the cavity. Let it rest uncovered at room temperature while the oven preheats.

2 Place a large cast-iron or other heavy ovenproof skillet in the oven and let it preheat at 450°F for 45 minutes.

3 Transfer the chicken to a cutting board. Using a sharp knife, cut the skin connecting her legs to the rest of the body. Use your hands to spread open the thighs until you feel the joint pop. Place 2 of the lemon wedges inside the chicken.

4 Carefully transfer the chicken, breast side up, to the hot skillet. (Use oven mitts whenever handling the pan.)Press down on the legs so they rest flat on the bottom of the pan. Drizzle the bird with the oil. Roast for 25 minutes. Toss the onion slices into the bottom of the skillet. Stir to coat with the pan juices. Roast for 10 more minutes; stir again. Continue cooking until the onions are tender and the chicken’s thigh juices run clear, 5 to 15 minutes more (for a total cooking time of 40 minutes to 1 hour).

5 Serve the chicken with the pan juices and onions, seasoning everything with juice from the remaining lemon wedges, if desired.

“What I’m about to do to you will be very intense. I’m counting on you to guide me. What are the safewords, Chicken?”

“Golden,” I mumble, “if I’m approaching doneness.”

“And?” he prods, making his eyes hard.

“Black, if I’m in danger of drying out.”

“Good.” He flips on the Wolf and starts to rub my breast with salt and pepper. My skin comes alive as his hand travels down my sternum, down there. He slips two deft fingers inside me, tracing circles with tantalizing slowness. I flinch as he pushes something smooth and bulbous into me. Oh my.

“Garlic cloves,” he breathes. “And herbs. They’ll make your finish more powerful.”

He lays me forward on a roasting rack, leaving my most vulnerable part exposed and throbbing, then thrusts me into the wild heat of the Wolf. The heat works me fast and hard, bringing me to the edge. My insides pulse and tense, but just as my juices start to flow freely, he lowers the heat. Holy shit, he’s teasing me.

He pulls me out and I can hear the rip of the foil. He flips me roughly onto my back, jarring and thrilling every part of me. Then he covers me in a sheet of foil and turns his back. How long is he going to make me wait?

Finally he comes back, a little smile quirked up on his lips, his breathing ragged.

“Do you have any idea how delicious you are?” he pants.

“Finish me,” I manage to gasp out in a low, heated voice.

He pushes me onto the rack and throws me back into the oven’s high heat. Deep inside me the cloves pulse and I clench around them involuntarily. My skin crisps as hot juices pound through my body. Gah!

“Golden!” I scream, “Golden! Golden!”

roasted chicken with tomatoes, garlic, and tarragon

SERVES 4

1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels

1½ teaspoons coarse kosher salt, plus more to taste

¼ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more to taste

1 bunch of fresh tarragon, leaves chopped, stems reserved

5 smashed and peeled garlic cloves

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened, plus 2½ tablespoons cubed

1 large cut ripe tomato, diced into 1-inch cubes

½ cup low-sodium chicken broth or water

¼ cup dry white wine

2 tablespoons tarragon or white wine vinegar

1 Preheat the oven to 500°F. Massage the bird all over with salt and pepper, including inside the cavity. Stuff the chicken with the tarragon stems and garlic. Rub the chicken with 2 tablespoons of softened butter, sprinkle with 2 teaspoons of chopped tarragon, and season generously with more salt and pepper.

2 Lay the chicken breast side down on a rack in a flame-proof roasting pan, and roast for 20 minutes. Reduce the temperature to 325°F. Thrust a wooden spoon into the cavity of the bird and flip it over so it’s breast side up. Continue to cook for another 25 minutes. Transfer the chicken to a plate, cover loosely with foil, and set aside. Turn the oven back up to 500°F.

3 Take the roasting rack out of the pan and set it aside. Place the roasting pan on top of the stove over medium-high heat. Add the tomatoes, chicken broth or water, wine, tarragon vinegar, and 2 tablespoons of the chopped tarragon; bring to a boil. Use a wooden spoon to scrape the bottom and sides of the pan, loosening the caramelized juices. Let boil until the mixture is thickened and saucy, 5 to 8 minutes.

4 Whisk the remaining 2½ tablespoons of butter into the sauce. Place the roasting rack back in the pan and put the chicken back on the rack, breast side up. Pour any juices that have collected on the plate into the pan. Return the pan to the oven for 10 to 15 minutes, basting every 5 minutes, until the thigh juices run clear. Serve the chicken blanketed with the sauce and garnished with more of the tarragon.

I’m sitting with the formerly enormous ham next to the Wolf. She takes in the stainless surfaces and the thick hobs.

“And to think he can work this thing.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“That’s kinda hot.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

We laugh giddily together.

It’s so long since we really had a chance to catch up. I’d forgotten how much I love to hang out with her. Shifty’s brother has had a slimming effect on her figure, with his constant appetite. But before I can chide her about the profusion of nibble marks on her backside, she zeroes in on my ankles.

They have deep, brown marks left by the trussing twine, where Blades forgot to cover them. I can’t believe he’s left these marks on me. The ham grows suspicious.

“What happened to you? What the hell is that deviant doing to you?”

Man, if she only knew. Oh, he just porked me with a Spanish sausage, bound me up with twine, and roasted me silly. And that’s not to mention the black iron prong he put up my orifice. I could feed her some cock-and-bull story about food handling and safety precautions. But I can’t possibly tell her about the chorizo—she’d freak.

Instead I try the patented Shifty distraction trick.

“I have news. We’re coming out with a cookbook.”

“What?” She’s blown away. “When does it come out? That’s fantastic!”

Whew, it worked .

“Thanksgiving!” My voice wobbles with excitement.

“Oh, Chicken, I couldn’t be happier for you. But seriously, you’d better get rid of those marks before you pose for the pictures.”

Pictures? Holy crap.

trussed roasted chicken with chorizo stuffing

SERVES 4

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

½ pound fresh chorizo sausage

½ cup finely chopped onion

1 cup day-old bread, torn into pieces

1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels

1½ teaspoons coarse kosher salt

1½ teaspoons freshly ground black pepper

1 Warm 1 tablespoon of the oil in a large skillet until shimmering. Using your hands, firmly squeeze the casing of the sausage, letting the fresh meat spill into the pan (discard casing). Add the chopped onion. Cook, breaking up the meat with a fork, until it is golden brown and the onions are tender, about 7 minutes. Toss in the torn bread pieces, making sure they are evenly coated with the spicy juiciness.