Dorsai - Jan

Standing again, I took a step away from her, and could see that she was already developing an aroused flush, her shoulders and upper chest noticeably darker from the blood.

We stood there, looking at each other, for a couple of minutes before I offered her my hand, and said, "Shall we begin, then?"

That broke her gaze at my body, and she took my hand as we moved to sit next to each other on the blanket.

Once seated and comfortable, I picked up the drawings, and explained to her that they were 'generic' diagrams of the genitals of each sex, and that we were going to compare them to the real thing. From there, things went much as they had when I'd done this with Jan – except more quickly, since Kelly was much more sure about what she wanted. Her clitoris amazed me – though barely visible most of the time, when erect, it protruded quite clearly under it's hood; and judging by the way she reacted when I touched it at one point, quite sensitive. I was quite pleased by the size and shape of her labia, too, when we got to them: thin, they were barely darker than her skin, and even when fully extended, were barely visible in her cleft. When we got to the part about looking at her labia, I had to find a mirror; I'd completely forgotten about it, and didn't have one handy. Kelly, too, was interested in seeing what her hymen looked like, and it was with much less hesitation and discussion that we got her the view she was after, with my help – though she did express surprise and amazement on how wet she'd gotten inside. Though not as 'fluid' as Jan, she was still quite wet; more than ample for what was yet to come (apologies for the pun).

Then, of course, it was her turn, and I laid back as I'd done before, with similar warnings about sensitive spots. Kelly, too, asked about the difference between my circumcised penis, and the uncut one of the diagram; and was more accepting of the explanation. Here, too, Kelly was much more direct and inquisitive than Jan had been; and I answered all of her questions just as directly.

Once assured that she was reasonably normal in her particulars, and satisfied that she understood the function and workings of the male anatomy, she laid back and got thoughtful for a bit. Content to let her move at her own pace, I waited patiently until she came back to our time zone.

Looking at me, she said, "I can stop now, can't I?"

"Yup."

"And you really wouldn't be mad or upset or anything, either, would you?"

"Nope."

She looked into my eyes for a while, and saw that I was telling her the pure, unadulterated truth.

She finally spoke again: "You know, you really are kinda scary."

"How's that?"

"Because you're not trying to bullshit me."

Surprised, as much at the language as the statement, I asked, "Why would I want to do that?"

"Cause I'm laying here, naked, and you've seen everything there is about me, and you're still willing to stop if I want; and even more, I really do believe that you wouldn't be mad or anything."

"Yeah, and?"

"And I don't think there are many people in the world that would do that. You really are putting what I want and what I need ahead of anything else, right now. And that's what's so scary – I don't know *anybody* that has ever been that honest with me, or that caring *about* me."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"See? That's what I mean – you really are sorry. Not because you're supposed to be, or anything like that, but because you really do*care*."

"Isn't that the way people are supposed to be?"

"Yeah, but it never happens that way. Mostly, they're just trying to find a way to use each other – for their jobs, for sex, for money, or whatever else they're after. Why aren't you like that?"

"Damned if I know. About the only thing I can figure is that I'm just not willing to settle for anything less. I can't change the world, at least not all at once, but I can try to change ME, and maybe even some of the people that I come into contact with. Maybe not a lot, but a little; and with a little luck and enough time, maybe it will be enough to make a bigger change."

"What are you, some kind of saint, or something?"

"Not likely. When I was your age, I got into enough trouble for any 3 people. Then I went into the Navy to get away from home, and they helped me start getting my head on straight. Nothing like working on airplanes, where people's lives are literally in your hands to give you a sense of perspective – and doing it RIGHT to give you confidence and self-respect. Traveling around in Asia, I got the chance to see what other countries and people and cultures are like, and that got me interested in the how and why of it – and that got me interested in learning what I could about, of all things, philosophy."

"I thought philosophy was just people talking about stuff that didn't matter to anybody."

"Sadly, that's true in a lot of cases. But if you take the time to learn philosophy, and not just the junk most philosophers try to teach, then it DOES make a difference. You start learning about ethics and morals and all kinds of things, and you learn how to use philosophy in real life, to solve problems and find answers."

"You mean like religion?"

"No, religion is a special case. Religion is kind of like fill-in-the-blanks philosophy: rather than helping you find answers for yourself, religion offers you an answer – whether it's really right, or not."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, you know about the Ten Commandments, right? Well, they are a specific religious application of the philosophic fields of ethics and morals. Except that the religious versions are usually geared toward keeping some kind of control over people – usually by the religious leaders – than finding ways for people to solve THEIR problems."

"For instance?"

"For instance, whichever commandment it is that says to honor thy father and thy mother. They tell you to do it, but without saying WHY; and if you don't do it, they try to make you feel guilty about something, and control you through your guilt – whether or not that guilt is actually deserved."

"Like how?"

"Well, take you, for example. From what you've told me, your parents don't pay much attention to you, and don't much seem to care what happens to you. So exactly why should you honor them? Respect them, sure, but HONOR them? For what? Why should you honor somebody that doesn't appear to give a happy damn what happens to you, good or bad?

Why should you be punished or feel guilty about not honoring someone like that?"

"It sounds like you're saying that they have to earn my honor, somehow."

"Don't they? Would you give your money to anybody on the street that walked up and asked you for it? No? Then why should you give something far more personal and intimate to the emotional equivalent of a stranger, even if they are related to you?"

"What about love?"

"What about it?"

"You say that you love me. Why?"

"Simple. Because you have value to me."

"What, I'm something you can buy or sell?"

"No, I didn't say that. I said that you have value to me, not that you were valuable to me."

"What's the difference?"

"If you were valuable to me, that would me that I could use you for some gain of my own, either financial or sexual or whatever, at no cost to myself. But to have value TO me, it means that there are things about you that, if lost, would cost me something, as a person."

"Such as?"

"Such as your intelligence. To see a mind as good as yours is a pleasure to me, because I see so few of them, and it sometimes gets tiring not being able to speak as freely as I can with you. Such as your self-respect, because it's so rare. Such as your independence, because that's even rarer. You are of value to me – I love you – because of the best that is inside you, pretty much the same as you love me – I am of value to you – because of the best that's within me."