Anonymous - Muriel

'I want to lick you everywhere-the both of you', I said. The words burst out.

'Answer the question, Phillip! What you want is quite beside the point. Have we not surely taught you that?'

'You have, yes. I am sorry. Please forgive. I meant to say I would adore to lick you-only that-and then would wait upon commands. I will, yes, I will simply say to Sylvia that I…'

'Am grateful! Say it out! Add no more words than that. You understand?

That I am grateful. May I now, for the last time…”

'You may not, no. You have others to attend on now. Be patient, quiet, obey their words whatever they may be. Wait without hope, for hope there may not be. Wait upon love. Be doglike in their eyes. And that applies to Amy, too. You understand?'

'I understand.' The words were bitter aloes in my mouth, yet I knew myself to be as is a child whose pain is less than he pretends it is. I knew that they saw through me from their smiles. Then Muriel at last relented, made me kneel, raised up her skirts and clamped my ears between her thighs but would not let me lick beneath her quim, and nor would Jane who followed suit. I was inspected then, still kneeling as I was and quite bereft, the musky scents of them that stung my nostrils with desire. My penis, freed, reared up its glowing head. They would not touch it, though, would not. It quivered and the veins stood out.

'Make sure it does its work', said Jane. I had a feeling of too-tattered hope that she might stay within the room and 'deal with me'. Alas, they both went out and left me in my stance of penitence. How strangely, humbly, hopefully, I feel that my private parts no longer are my own! They belong to those who will command me now-and I their suitor, servitor and slave.

'Throw away your writings now. You have no need of them', said Muriel tonight. I thankfully destroyed them, yet may keep a secret diary of my own. A foxlike slyness has come over me. I shall read the day-books of the others when I can, and yet will keep a mask upon my face. A small, small victory will then be mine. I shall live two lives-yes, that's the trick of it. I shall be punished if they ever know, and that is what I know I need. O Deirdre's thighs… Will she know what to do?

Celia's Day-Book

A strange and sudden visit from Muriel who tried, as I did too, to keep herself composed and yet could not. She is departing! Oh the pain and yet the feeling of relief! We kissed, clung to each other, knew not how to be. Roger is teaching Daisy how to ride. The two had gone out earlier, she looking sweet in a new tricorne hat and a green velvet dress I bought for her.

'You may stay if you want', I said to Muriel. The words escaped my lips before I meant them, too.

'No-yes… I know not what to do!'. She wept. The stairs upwards to the bedroom drew us. O that they had not, for scarce had we undressed, lay down and fell to passionate caressing than Roger and Daisy came back home. Such startlements, such guilt! We sprang up naked, knew not what to do, our clothes pellmell upon the floor. Roger came up, but Daisy thankfully went to her room. My god, his eyes as he then saw us both!

'My loves!', he said, partly to my dismay that he should use the plural. Hard-nippled were our breasts. Brazen we looked.-'Oh god!', said Muriel, sat down upon the bed and wept. He had her nakedness before his eyes as well he did my own.

'Daisy!', I said and quickly locked the door.-'I must go!', said Muriel, snatched up her dress and was like a lost lamb. Roger was flushed and knew not how to be, nor I, though I flung my arms around his neck. Perhaps I tried to hide the sight of her. I thought he would get hard, but he did not. He had a look of some exhaustion on his face, from too much riding, I suppose.

'You love each other-that I understand', he said.

'You will never see me any more!', sobbed Muriel.

'She is leaving-going home', I said a little desperately.

'Yes', Roger said. He broke away from me, unlocked the door, was gone, and left us to our guilty thoughts. So hurriedly we dressed and then went down, and Muriel seized her cloak up straightaway and all was as a dream save that dear Roger smiled on us and said that all was well while Muriel declared that neither of us would see her anymore.

'Oh, what a nonsense! Celia will visit you, my dear, and I may, too, if I am so allowed'.

'Of course, of course', I said. Her smile broke through at that. We saw her off, waved to her carriage as she went. Daisy came running down and asked, 'Oh was that Aunty Muriel?'

It was, I said, but she could not stay long. Roger then went to see the horses groomed, so tactful is he. I much wanted then to be alone, and tidied up my bed lest Daisy see. Last night I gave him his well-won reward between my bottom cheeks at last. How lewdly did we talk when it was in!

'My love, my love', he panted on and on, and pumped me so majestically that all my guilt flew in that torrid bout, and I feel free at last and quite myself.

'You may do it next to Muriel', I said long moments after he had come. He did not answer, but he seemed content. He deserves all that I give to him-has been so faithful and so patient all the time. Besides, I may well do to her that which she did to me. I find new depths within myself the more I think of it.-'I want to make you cry', she said. How I would love to kiss her tears away!

Dare I tell Roger so? I wonder how he would react? I feel sure that when we visit her, I shall be more naughty than she was with me.

Deirdre's Day-Book

How curious it is that when we anticipate something, one tends to think, 'Yes, this is how I thought it would be', and at the same time also thinks the opposite!

Muriel and Jane were all prepared to leave. I sensed an undue haste in that, yet at the same time understood that they knew I wished to be alone with Phillip for a while.

How different he is! My goodness, he is quite another man, is timid, quiet, has lost his pompousness, and almost bowed to me when I came in! He kissed my hand and Amy's, too, which he has never done before.

'What have you done to him?', I asked Muriel, though more in joke than seriousness.-'We have taught him manners, dearest-taught him to comport himself with ladies as he should. Keep him in check', she told me, much to my surprise-and Phillip heard what we both said! I was bowled over, as men say, and asked him afterwards, when they had gone, if it were true.

'I have sinned', he said and kept his lips tight-pressed.

'Have you indeed!', I laughed. The old, old look came on his face, and yet it was not quite the same. There was a fearsomeness within his eyes I did not recognise from old. Muriel, of course, was very quiet. Richard behaved himself as quietly as he should and as I have now taught him he must be. Sylvia was shy, and Amy too. They ran upstairs together as girls will, and no doubt had too much to talk about! I wonder about that, but it cannot be helped. Amy will be discreet, I trust, and Richard dare not 'sleepwalk' with his father in the house.

Last night… I know not how to write about last night. Phillip stayed in his study and was quiet, and dinner was a mournful, almost silent thing. I knew I had to have it out with him. His mood is one of doglike watchfulness. Sylvia went in to bid him goodnight which I understood, for she must have made a habit of it now, and it is proper that she should. Amy must do the same in the future. We must be complete. I have an odd feeling I now must rule the house. Having handled Richard quite severely, it will please me to.

'Well?', I asked Phillip once he came to bed. He had gone into his dressing room to put his nightgown on, which he does but rarely, and today I found a pair of drawers in there, though hidden underneath a chair. I will tackle him on that, but for the nonce have found that Muriel was right. I wonder how she had a hand in this?