Anonymous - Muriel

'My god, they were enjoying it', said Eveline, and wept. I had a mind to comfort her and smack her face at the same time-for what hypocrisy is here!

'Why, first of all you let him…', I began. She interrupted me and said, 'I know, I know. I was at fault. I thought that it would cure them in some wise-and so did you, my dear', she threw at me.

'Indeed, indeed', I said and sighed. I confess I had forgotten it was my idea, so much stirs in me nowadays.

As it appears, she marched straight in (and oh, the shock to both of them that must have been!), and just at the moment when Maurice was close upon his climax, too. Indeed, despite alarms he did not even stop, she says! Maude squealed and tried to pull away. He would not have it so and held her in, and even gritted out to Eveline, 'My love-come here!'

'Did you?', I asked. I tried to make a joke of it. Alas, she was not in the mood.

'You are on their side!', she declared, and fell into hysterics then, but calmed after I kissed and comforted her. She had stood there but for a moment, then walked out again and locked the house on them for several hours- forbade the servants even to open up to them.

This happened just the day before. Since then there has been silence in the house, Maude's bedroom door locked every night by Eveline (I did not tell her I have done the same with Richard, too) and Maurice despatched to a guest room to sleep.

Strange as the turns of life may be, I decided on the spot what I would do. That is to say, I shall go home- and take Maude with me, I told Eveline. Her eyes lit up. Her whole expression changed.

'Oh, Deirdre, will you do this for me? Yes!', she burst. Maude was upstairs 'in hiding' all the time. Bold as she may be with Maurice, she shows no effrontery with her Mama, and came down cautious as a cat who thinks that danger lurks somewhere.

'Maude, I understand that you would like to have a holiday', I said. She blinked. I noticed that she did not sit, and realised the discipline that Eveline has her under. Hands twisting, she stood quiet, and so I told her of my intentions, couching each phrase somewhere in-between commands and quite polite requests. She could stay for several months, I said-would like the countryside, would have good friends in Amy, Sylvia and Richard, too. Her eyes glinted a little at his name. It shall not be, though, as she thinks.

We leave on Friday. Meanwhile I have written and told Phillip so-also have sent a note to Muriel and Sylvia. How wonderful to be among my own things once again! I am more determined than I was before to have things my way. Phillip must respond to me or he will have his own bed just as Maurice has-though I do not think in Eveline's case that that will last for long. She will forgive him once Maude is away.

'Deal with her kindly, will you not?', asked Eveline anxiously. Her mood turned when she knew what was to be.

'You can have parties now again', I said.

'Perhaps. I think our lives have changed now, Deirdre'.

I think not-not in the long run. Leopards do not change their spots. Shall I?

Muriel's Day-Book

Deirdre to return! I am surprised at that. I had a note by messenger today-and such a ride he had of it. Two days upon the road. We paid the fellow well and lodged him in an inn. Jane says that I am growing soft The second criticism she has made of me. I hope we are not getting quarrelsome.-'So much has changed', says Deirdre, and I wonder what she means?

Phillip is beside himself upon the news, and Sylvia has such a guilty look that I had to spend an hour or two placating her. Her Mama would need to know nothing of her naughtiness, I said, at which she looked relieved. Jane was precipitate, as I thought she well might be. I did not interfere two nights ago when she took her into Phillip- not, thank heavens, in his study, but upon pretence that another gentleman had just arrived and was waiting in the stable.

Blindfolded she took her in, and Phillip bound-and blinded also by a cloth whereby he also could not see at all — was 'succoured', which for once is Jane's word and not mine. Only her lips, of course, assailed his manly tool. More timid at the first than Daisy was, Sylvia had to have her mouth pressed down upon it several times. Jane held her wrists behind her back and brought her to drink every drop of the warm sperm he jetted out.

'She recognised his groans, I think', said Jane.

'He ought now NOT to groan', I said, but must confess I felt a mischief in me that he had, and so revealed himself, for Sylvia will now think that he did it voluntarily.

'What did you tell her afterwards?', I asked of Jane. She shrugged and said, 'Oh, that it's nice to do it sometimes'. I had to tell the dear, sweet girl the same. We still must stand as one, must Jane and I.

'Suppose Mama finds out', said Sylvia, after a long and blushing silence from her.

'She will not, dear, unless you tell her so. There is a silent understanding in such things. She knows you have to do such lovesome things', I said with a feyness that amused myself. Mischief arose in me. I asked, 'Did it feel bigger than you think? You've felt it underneath your bottom sometimes, have you not? My goodness, Sylvia, when I was your age and was birched, I had it right between my bottom cheeks. I felt so hot, but it was nice. Young ladies must be exercised, you know, to keep them fit for all that lies beyond'.

'So, darling, keep your bottom up just as you do with us', said Jane and bussed and tickled her until she laughed.

I shall to Celia's today, and have told Jane who pouted and was quite put out. I have assured her that I will not stay, and that we two will go as soon as Deirdre comes.

“There are more adventures in the world beyond', she said a little wistfully.

Roger and Celia could visit us, I said. She relented and agreed to that. The chain may not be broken after all, but many of its links are weak. If Roger were not married I would settle down with him. If Celia were not married… Oh, my poor head goes around, around. Jane cannot wait to pack. I understand that very well. I understand too much, perhaps. That is the trouble with me now. My headlong, hot desires have gone a different way to what I thought.

Phillip's Day-Book

Release! Yet do I want it? That's the nub of it. I am to keep my drawers on, I am told. To Deirdre that will be an outward sign of my conversion to a 'nobler cause'.

My sisters stood before me just this afternoon. I feared assault-desired it-but it did not come. I was lectured as a child might be, then made to kiss their feet again. They took their shoes off, made me suck their toes, or rather simply bid me to. I did. I savoured woman-taste again. Deirdre will expect the same, they said. I have no doubt that they have told her all. I both fear and need her presence as much as I did theirs.

'You must learn to live with what you have. We may return, may not', said Muriel. Her tone was formal as- strangely enough-I wished. Jane, too, was moderate and did not raise her skirt nor tease my penis which is to remain a willing tool of love, they said.

'Now rise and say you will obey your wife and female kin', said Jane.

Obeying, I forced out the words, yet found them not as fearsome as they would have been. It is my role, my duty-that I understand. The world has changed for me and I for it.

'You will express your gratitude to Sylvia when she comes in tonight. No more than that. Just use those words and say them humbly to her when you stand', was Muriel's command to me.

I did not answer at the first and she asked sharply, 'Well?' Dear god, I wanted to be tied up again, to have them treat me as they did, but neither moved and merely stared me out. I felt the curtains closing on a play that once had tortured me, yet brings me now a sense of strange release-a bursting out from deep within myself. I who was a mountain, as I thought, the tower of strength within the family realm, have now become a molehill and see womankind anew.