Sadie Allison: Tickle His Pickle: Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing

Penis No-Nos.Icy-cold hands. Coarse palms. Dry mouth. Rough, sharp, dirty fingernails. Excessive yanking, grabbing and biting. Hard scraping with nails, teeth or braces. Catching jewelry in pubic hair. Stroking crosswise against the tip. Pulling the foreskin back too far. Pulling the penis out past open zipper teeth. And comparing his penis to an ex’s.

Testicle No-Nos.Slapping, spanking, squeezing, scratching, fondling or sucking too hard or too rough.

Orgasm No-Nos.Fast stroking right after orgasm, spitting out in disgust, poking the prostate, kissing with a mouthful of come, or suggesting he taste it.

The male orgasm is a sight to behold. No chance of faking anything here—it’s a visual fireworks display, as well as your reward for your generous lovemaking skills and extraordinary touch.

But what goes on behind it all to bring him to this life-affirming moment of physical excitement and bliss? Let’s find out.

Awakening his penis with a gentle touch or your sexy suggestions is truly a marvel of evolution and biology. There’s no button you press, no lever you pull—even he has no control over it. Erections are completely autonomic.

But what does it feel like to actually get an erection? Some guys describe it as a feeling of rising power and well-being. Others say it feels like pressure building up before the damn bursts-or like a raging bull ready to charge!

Here’s what’s happening physically: nerves in his spinal cord switch on from sexual thoughts, dreams, hormones, touch. This triggers the opening of arteries that sends blood rushing to his penis, filling up the spongy tissues inside his shaft—the pair of corpora cavernosa and corpus spongiosum. Simultaneously, muscles at the base of his penis constrict to trap the blood inside, preventing it from leaving through the veins. Voila! Instant erection.

All healthy guys get hard when they sleep, when they awaken, and at various unplanned “uh-oh” moments throughout the day. Young guys can pop rock-hard “woodies” in a flash, but as guys age, start-up time gets a bit slower, and erections get a tad softer. Don’t worry—it’s perfectly normal.

Every mature adult responds to sex in four phases—a cycle originally identified by Masters and Johnson, the groundbreaking sex research team.Although there are many similarities between men and women, understanding the differences is what helps you become a better lover.

You slide your tongue along the edge of his ear. His heart races, his blood pressure rises, his breathing quickens, his nipples harden, his penis grows, pre-ejaculation fluid may appear.This can last from several minutes to several hours, and causes guys to shout across crowded restaurants, “Check, please!!!”

You kiss deeply as you reach inside his pants. Even higher goes his heart rate, blood pressure, breathing and penis, as his testicles draw up into his body. This can last only a few minutes, although some lovers purposely prolong it for stronger orgasms.

Your mouth is working his penis in sync with your soft lubed fingers. While this is the shortest phase (sigh), it’s the longest to describe. First, as his seminal fluid begins rapidly pooling at the base of his penis, nothing on earth can stop him from coming. His muscles tighten, his anus contracts and his skin flushes, as he pumps out his semen in rhythmic spurts of extreme pleasure.

At first, his semen doesn’t overflow like just-popped champagne-it must still travel the entire length of his erect penis. Propelled by his PC muscle, his bursts feel, well, orgasmic, with about 4/ 5ths of a second in between each one. By the fourth burst, the gap between them is increasing, their intensity is tapering off, and the ride is nearing its end.

Even though he’ll tell you he mostly feels his orgasms in his genitals, it’s a total body event. His brain waves dance, his body’s muscles tense, he tingles all over, and his expression can look like he just whacked his thumb with a hammer (but you know better!).

His mind and body relax. His testicles emerge from his body, his scrotum becomes looser, his penis goes half-erect, then soft—and it’s impossible right now to restart the cycle.This can last from a few minutes to a few days, depending on his age and health. What a fine time to discover how skilled he is with his hands, lips and tongue!

Guys tend to be proud of their come.They love giving it to you, showing it to you, showering you with it, and watching you receive it. Here’s how it appears:

Love Drops.Also known as “pre-ejaculation” or “pre-come,” this liquid may ooze out of his penis long before he orgasms. It can be clear or white, even a little bubbly—and it’s slippery, so it provides extra lubrication. While some guys produce a lot, others can go their entire lives without producing any. Either way, it’s totally normal.

Ejaculation vs. orgasm.Contrary to popular belief, ejaculation and orgasm are not one and the same, although they usually happen together. Ejaculation is the physical act; orgasm is the pleasurable feeling.

Love Juice.Also known as “semen” or “come,” this is his ejaculate, and it can be thick, watery, goopy, clear or white. The intensity which it bursts forth is different from guy to guy, from day to day, from mood to mood. His come may simply dribble out, or shoot far across the room in short spurts or medium streams. And if he’s really turned on, and hasn’t orgasmed too recently, be on the lookout for a volcanic eruption!

It’s entirely up to you whether or not you wish to taste his come. If you always avoid it because of a distasteful experience in the past, you may be pleasantly surprised how times and tastes can change!

The unique taste of your guy’s come is affected by several factors, but genetics and diet are the most important. It will be warm, and either salty, tangy, sweet, bitter, bleach-y, brie-like-or anything in between.

Want a tastier guy? Here are the secret ingredients:

Come sweeteners: strawberries, papaya, mango, raspberries, blueberries, pineapple, honey.

Come sourers: garlic, spicy foods, asparagus, cauliflower, broccoli, onions, cigarettes, alcohol, coffee.

Try a smoothie sweetener.Although there’s no guarantee this smoothie will work for you (but it did for me), there’s no harm in trying—it’s part of a balanced breakfast!