Violet Blue - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio - How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure

• Think ahead about places to duck for cover, ways to camouflage your activity, or a story to tell a possible authority figure.

• Make it as hot and fun as you can—public fellatio is a thrilling encounter that can never be exactly duplicated. Don’t hold back.

You can add an extra dimension to oral sex when you play around with power balance, or rather, power imbalance. When you both arrive to the sexual table on equal footing in terms of who is in control, it can be an exchange on very pleasant and pleasurable terms. But when someone has a little—or a lot more—of the upper hand, make sure your perishables are refrigerated, because it’s a sure bet that temperature will rise.

Power exchange and fellatio can come in a variety of flavors. First, the power tipping can come from either side of the fellatio equation. The person getting head can be the one in control, “using” the mouth (and any other part he likes) to achieve his satisfaction. Conversely, the person giving him head can be the one calling the shots, “making” him submit to any whim, pain, or pleasure you choose to dole out. He has to do what you say to get what he wants, and you don’t have to let him come until you’re satisfied.

She sat there for a second with my cock in her mouth, then began moving up and down on it just a tiny bit. I put my hand on the back of her head, wanting to move it up and down more, wanting to fuck her mouth, and she slapped it down. Instead, she just kept her mouth there, barely moving it…

Your fellatio power play can be subtle, sneaky, extreme—anything that turns you both on. It can be as easy as giving him a knowing look, a push back against a wall to say “I’m in control,” and then making your way downward. You can be a little more quick and forceful, especially in a public or semipublic place (like a car), pushing and pulling him whichever way you want him. Blindfold him and you’re in total control. In the exchange of power, the reverse can be just as fun; he can be the one pushing, pulling, commanding you to suck, swallow. And your scenes can become more carefully orchestrated, planned with roles, sex toys, or costumes—or all three. Let your fantasies guide you.

Just as tipping the scales of power can be fun with fellatio, so can playing around with the boundaries of gender. I like to think of what we’ve got when we’re born (in terms of gender) as the medium we have to work with; however we want to bend it to our pleasure and to fit our fantasies is all part of the fun of sex and sexual fantasy. Having or even acting out opposite-gender fantasies can be titillating as all get-out, but these fantasies don’t change our identity. If it turns you on, it’s a great way to get off, but it doesn’t mean that you’re a different person or that you don’t like who you are—actually, it’s a signifier that you’re very secure with who you are, so secure that you can articulate your fantasies and desires.

Gender play can also be used to help flesh out emerging identities. Someone who knows that they are transgender might find that gender play in sex reinforces who they really feel themselves to be, whether through fantasy or with sex toys. A transgender woman could find that she really feels good and gets off when she fantasizes that her cock being sucked is her pussy being licked; a man in a woman’s body can be sent over the edge into orgasm when his clit is fellated as if it were his cock.

Straight, bi, lesbian, gay male, and trans couples get a lot of mileage out of gender swapping in fellatio. Straight folks have reinvented sex with the overwhelmingly popular recent addition of the strap-on to their frolics. Not only are women enjoying penetrating men with their silicone dicks, but we’re also discovering how hot it is to get our new cocks sucked by our boyfriends—and they’re finding that it drives them wild. Lesbians and dykes have been bending gender along the fellatio continuum for a while now, role-playing as dykes with dicks, straight couples, or even pairs of gay men.

You’ve probably heard people refer to things that “feel so good they almost hurt,” and the phrase “hurts so good” has managed to linger in our collective consciousness for, well, since I was a kid. That’s because the concepts of pleasure and pain are like twin pups in the human catalog of emotion and sensation; they’re separate animals but often like to play together. In sex, the pleasure and pain lines mingle often, and in ways we aren’t always aware of. Grabbing and squeezing your lover can easily give way to pulling, pinching, biting, and scratching—in small portions or stronger doses, depending on urge and response. The stronger the urge to, say, pull hair, and the more erotic and pleasurable the response, the more force will be applied. We humans love to up the ante in sex, and when we’re blissed out on hormones, endorphins, and lust, we can easily add a little pleasurable pain to the mix.

Squeezing his thighs or ass a little harder than usual when you’re giving him a blow job isn’t out of the ordinary, but if you’re planning on doing much more than that you’ll need to learn about what you’re doing, and make sure it’s okay before you proceed. Intense sensations during sex are to be negotiated beforehand. Consult chapter 1, “More Than a Mouthful,” about talking to your lover, and reference the book suggestions in chapter 12, “Independent Study,” for further guidance.

The threshold of mingling pleasure with pain can be crossed in a variety of guises. The two of you may have decided that that you want to add pain into fellatio as if it were a sex toy, and simply experiment with techniques and toys. Or, it could be that you have a fantasy scenario in mind in which one of you is dominant and the other submissive, and some spanking or rough play fuels the fantasy’s fire. You could be a teacher, and he the naughty pupil who gets a spanking and then some oral sex. Perhaps you just want to play the dominant woman or man, and take rough surveys of his nipples, cock, and balls as you fellate him. He may simply enjoy the way pain adds to the feeling of getting head; or perhaps one particular thing pushes him over the edge, such as nipple biting upon orgasm, and role-play or fantasy don’t enter into it at all. Pain, as a sex toy, can be shaped to fit your own personal sex style.

My girlfriend and I sometimes like to play rough, where I overpower and dominate her in various ways. One thing we both like is when I grab her in the hallway or someplace, and push her down to her knees, and hold her hair tightly as I push my penis into her mouth. She knows I won’t push farther than she can take, but she also likes the feeling of being mock-forced to suck me.

You have several options literally at your fingertips when you want to increase the pleasure/pain volume during fellatio. You have the choice of breaking from the action and doing things to other parts of his body, such as lightly spanking his thighs or ass, or you can suck and give him little bites on his ass, stomach, chest, or nipples. Some men really enjoy having their nipples roughly stimulated when they’re close to orgasm. You can scratch him with your fingernails anywhere that’s pleasurable, but refrain from ticklish areas unless he’s one of those rare guys who get off on being tickled. When administering pain, and blending it with pleasure, be sure to give him almost what he wants, then back off and make him want it, bad. Don’t go for the intense sensations right away; go lighter than he wants, then give him a little more.

His penis can be given little bits of painful stimulation that you can alternate with pleasurable cocksucking techniques. Some men like just a little pain here and there on their penis; a few may like continuous pain. His cock can be squeezed with your hand and sucked roughly, and the skin can be pinched or pulled. If you know it’s okay with him, you can play around with your teeth on his penis, lightly running them around the head or along the shaft. Some men enjoy having their penis spanked lightly, but don’t miss and hit his balls—unless you know explicitly that this is okay with him. Cup his cock in your hand or have it pointed upward, flat on his stomach. His balls are right there, waiting to be squeezed, pulled, pinched, or constricted. Never slap or spank his testicles, or constrict them with too much pressure or force, or it will become the wrong kind of pain, the pain that stops the fellatio. Watch his nonverbal reactions, or check in with him by asking specific questions. Don’t ask if something is “okay,” because that word can mean anything. Ask if he wants it harder, softer, or tighter, if he wants more pinch or less movement, or if he wants you to stop.