Violet Blue - The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio - How to Go Down on a Man and Give Him Mind-Blowing Pleasure

Deep throating, novelty or not, can feel delicious to the recipient. The tip of your finger is a great place to begin understanding why—next time you’re in the proximity of a chocolate cake, dip one of your fingers in the frosting and suck it off, using the front part of your mouth (lips and tongue). The tip is the most sensitive part of your finger, in the same way his penis is most sensitive at the head and along the underside. This feels really good, but see how your finger feels when you push it all the way in, down to the base (if you can). Your finger is completely surrounded by the warmth and wetness of your mouth. This is the allure and pleasure of deep throating. When you take him all the way in, he is completely engulfed by the pleasurable sensations of your mouth. And for some men, the act itself can be a fantasy-fulfilling turn-on, or an emotionally satisfying act of acceptance.

Learning the logistics of deep throating is half the battle. Familiarizing yourself with anatomy of the mouth and throat will give you an idea of what exactly is going on when his penis goes past the back of your tongue. Underlying your oral anatomy are the nerve responses that trigger pleasurable messages to your brain and also the dreaded gag reflex. Angles and positioning are key for comfort and sustaining the activity—yours and his—for any length of time. Breathing and rhythm are also a big part of the process, both of which work in tandem. Combine these elements with your own preferred tricks and techniques, and you’ll be deep throating in ease, comfort, and pleasure.

If you’ve never had any trouble with your mouth, you probably haven’t given it much thought. Blowing kisses, licking ice cream, crunching popcorn, swallowing saliva, talking a mile a minute—these things all happen with nary a conscious thought, like breathing. Our entire oral cavity is a system of constant motion, aqueous and in flux, a self-maintaining motion machine that performs numerous functions and is supported by hundreds of muscles, glands, and even helpful bacteria. Let our tour begin with a kiss.

Our lips are the first thing we meet: two soft and very sensitive membranes that line the opening of the mouth, the covering skin being somewhere between true skin and the moist mucous membrane that lines the inside of your mouth. The lips are made of muscle fibers interspersed with elastic tissues that are filled with hundreds of nerve endings, making them amazingly, deliciously sensitive. Beyond the lips are teeth, which should remain covered whenever possible throughout your oral sex session. The receptive and versatile tongue lines the bottom of your mouth, and it’s another excellent tool in your oral sex arsenal and a means by which you can taste and erotically take in your lover’s cock. On the front roof of the mouth is your hard palate, which flows into the back of your mouth to become the soft palate—these palates provide a firm backing for creating suction with your tongue and the seal of your lips. The soft palate is where the mouth ends and the throat begins.

It’s crucial to understand where these two worlds of the mouth and throat meet, because deep throating is an act of swallowing. When you look into your throat, you can see the uvula hanging down; the area behind it is known as the fauces. The fauces rounds out the curvature in the back of your throat, arcing down and becoming the hidden pharynx, which continues unseen to your vocal cords. The pharynx is the transition between your throat and the openings of both windpipe (trachea) and esophagus. When you deep throat, your partner’s penis (or strap-on) will travel this far.

Separating the windpipe and esophagus is an upright flap of cartilage called the epiglottis. This erect, yet flexible, matron guards both openings like a stern gatekeeper, taking cues from nerve responses about which direction to turn and either allow air in or out, or provide a passage for food and liquids to reach their proper destination, the stomach. Swallowing elicits the response of the epiglottis to lying against the windpipe, closing off air to the lungs for a momentary passing of fluids or fuel. To swallow anything, you have to stop breathing for a second, and to swallow a stiff cock you’ll need to keep this in mind and time your breaths accordingly.

If something lingers in your pharynx for a moment too long, or if the object is large and/or hard, your body will intervene on your behalf and attempt to expel whatever is holding up the breathing by triggering your gag reflex. This is an involuntary nerve response, meaning that it happens without your thinking about it, and gagging is your body’s defense against choking. The throat muscles constrict to push out the foreign object, and the constriction occasionally can (sometimes quickly, especially with repeated force from an object) trigger a vomit response. Gagging will make you salivate as well—saliva is like nature’s own lube, so don’t be embarrassed.

The gag reflex can be overcome, or at least worked around. Some people can control it quite easily. Some happy fellators even shrug and say, “What gag reflex?”—while many others contend with it occasionally obeying their wishes and other times not at all. There are a number of techniques you can employ during fellatio to move past the reflex and keep the action going, though it makes all the difference in the world if desire, arousal, and passion are driving your oral sex session. It’s tough not to gag if you don’t want to be going down on him. It’s easier not to gag if you’re really turned on.

I heard this from a gay guy: take a deep breath and hold it in. That stops the gag reflex.

You can sense the feeling of gagging as it comes on, and plan ahead with your response. Keeping your hand on his penis is essential; you can stave off deep thrusts that might trigger gagging by using your hand as a spacer. As your throat constricts, try the following suggestions:

• Back off and continue your strokes. Take a few deep breaths, and swallow. Then return to what you were doing.

• Try an alternating pattern with your mouth and hand: take him in your mouth and then back out for a few strokes of your hand, and repeat.

• If possible, move the head of his penis to the front of your mouth and hold still for a moment until the feeling passes.

• Remember to breathe while going down; this helps a lot.

• Give yourself regular breaks from having him in your mouth; this is especially helpful if you gag easily.

• Practice on a dildo or penis-sized vegetable before you go down, and learn to work with your gag reflex.

• Explore any psychological reasons you might be impelled to gag. If the sex act, sex in general, or his genitals are offensive to you, explore why you might be feeling this way. Learn as much as you can about what bothers you, and if you aren’t ready for this, then reconsider performing oral sex until you are ready.

• Don’t go down on him if you’re already feeling ill, or have consumed drugs or alcohol that may make you feel queasy. Some prescription drugs can make you feel nauseated and will make your gag reflex extra sensitive.

• Shift the angle at which his penis is entering your mouth. Many people say that coming down on him from above is easier; try having him lie down or sit, with you facing his feet.

• If you need a break but don’t want to take him out of your mouth, shift the angle of his penis from the back of your throat to your cheek.