Mike Bartlett - Wild

ANDREW We’re heading for something bad.

WOMAN Maybe. But when that’s done, we’ll move on.

ANDREW Yeah but actually when that’s done you’ll be dead and I’ll be dead, I’m not talking about a small war like the Second World War, I’m talking about a complete and global collapse of every state, of every institution. We’re like – that – far away. It’s about to happen. We can’t see it because we’re hiding behind the walls but if you live in Sudan, Kenya, Iraq, Syria, Tunisia, Greece, Ukraine – you’ve felt literally felt on your skin the effect of this collapse. You know, in a way that we don’t yet, what is about to happen.

WOMAN No wifi.

ANDREW No water, electricity, no food, no security, yes no wifi. This isn’t a sort of conspiracy thing, this is real. And it will happen not because it needs to but because we don’t trust anyone. We’ve all lost faith. As the rich get richer, and the politicians become so detached they cannot speak without hypocrisy, as the average experience means increasingly nothing, and resentment grows, when we all believe in nothing and credit, trust, is gone, it will all crumble.

Beat .

In many ways it already has.

WOMAN You’re going through a thing tonight, aren’t you? It makes sense.

ANDREW That’s why I did it. Released all that stuff. Because the only way to stabilise our faith in what we’re doing is to see the contradictions – expose the systems – and discuss and then move towards something we can get behind. Something more fair, more open and transparent. Not authority but real consent.

WOMAN Yeah. That’s right. Exactly. That’s what we think too.

ANDREW I don’t know what you think. You don’t articulate it. You’re more into secrets than any of them.

WOMAN To protect ourselves.

ANDREW Well that’s not going to work, so here’s my deal, George. You tell me who you really are, your real name, and then I’ll get on board. You trust me. I’ll trust you. And we’ll save the world.

WOMAN Alright. Well. My real name is Sarah.

Sarah Lishman.

Pause .

Sorry. That’s not true.

This is hard. Alright. Actually? Really…?

I’m Charlotte. Waters.

Pause .

Or am I?

You see this is impossible. I could just be making stuff up. How do I prove it? You know what I mean? Apart from saying that I’m this lady stood in this room with this face and body how do I go about proving to you in a way that will be acceptable, who I really am?

He doesn’t answer .

She reaches into the bag, and gives him a plastic cowboy hat .

I got this from one of the girls downstairs. It was one of her props, and I thought since you were American, then you’d like it.

ANDREW …

WOMAN An outlaw.

ANDREW …

WOMAN Howdee.

Pause .

ANDREW It was what they wanted. Not just the founding fathers but the pilgrim fathers. When they got on the boat. They sought a place they could start again and act how they wanted. Free from authority and the systems that held them. They wanted to make something new and they did.

WOMAN After they wiped out the people who were already there. And before the country fell into an essentially lawless state for quite a few decades.

ANDREW Yeah.

Pause .

I’ve never felt less free. Whether I’m in this room or not. Even before I did it. I felt utterly trapped. Between giving my bank statements for the whole year so I could get a mortgage, and my health payments, and my movements known to companies, and what I like, and who I am, and recorded on CCTV every day. Being in this room. At least there aren’t any cameras here.

WOMAN Well…

ANDREW Really?

WOMAN Yeah. Probably the Russians put a couple in, that’s why they put you here. And we’ve got one going too. So yeah – it’s all monitored.

ANDREW Okay.

WOMAN Yee-ha. They’ll love the hat.

Beat .

ANDREW Well it’s going to have to be something to do with your body isn’t it?

WOMAN Are you aware that sounds really creepy?

ANDREW I mean how do I know that you mean what you say, how do I know I’m not just one of many people you are lying to, and that this is fundamental to your life’s work, well you’re going to have to do something to yourself that’s unique. That you haven’t done before or since.

WOMAN I’m not going to sleep with you.

ANDREW I don’t want you to sleep with me.

WOMAN I can get one of those girls if this is just a way to get a bit.

ANDREW Can you please take this seriously.

WOMAN What then?

ANDREW I don’t know. Sacrifice something. Take your clothes off.

WOMAN I’m sorry?!

ANDREW No I don’t mean – just all you’ve got is you, like you said a woman standing in a room. And we need to establish some trust. There’s nothing else I can do. You know everything about me. You’ve got the resources and I’ve never hidden anything, but you need to give me something in return and you’re absolutely right, all you’ve got is what’s tangibly in this room. So I’ve got that far.

You come up with something then.

She thinks .

Sits opposite him .

Then takes out a safety pin from her bag .

A relatively large one .

WOMAN Okay. So here’s my idea.

She unbends the safety pin so it’s a needle. Then gets a lighter and lights the end. Holds the tip of the needle in the flame .

So that you trust me. I’m going to put this needle through my skin. This piece of skin here, between my thumb and forefinger. I will put an actual hole in it. And yes, that hole will heal, but it will leave a scar. And I don’t have any other scars on my body. Not one. You can check if you like – well the bits you can see I’m not taking any clothes off – and I certainly don’t have any other marks on my hands like this. So if I do this you will know that you are unique and this is real and it matters to me and that I mean what I say. What do you think?

ANDREW Are you heating it up?

WOMAN I think it sterilises it or something I’ve never really done this before and I don’t have a crack habit so I’m basically a novice but it can’t do any harm right.

ANDREW Okay.

Beat .

WOMAN You’re sure you need this?

ANDREW Yes. It’s a start.

WOMAN A ‘start’! Jesus. Ready?

ANDREW Yes.

She’s about to do it .

Why does the phone have nothing in it?

She stops .

WOMAN I’m sorry?

ANDREW The phone. I opened it and there’s nothing inside. Just a speaker and some electronics.

WOMAN Well that’s what you’d find inside a phone that’s basically –

ANDREW No you’d normally find something to operate the buttons, a little circuit board but in there it’s literally just a speaker really.

WOMAN You want to – shall we do this in a minute?

ANDREW I thought it might… I thought it might be relevant.

WOMAN Well it’s the Russians they’ve given you a fake phone haven’t they? Bloody Russians.

ANDREW But it was you who said you had it disconnected.

WOMAN I know! And now it turns out it wasn’t a real phone anyway, waste of bloody time! Look we’re good, Andrew, but we can’t get everything right.

ANDREW just looks at her .

May I?

ANDREW Okay.

Beat .

WOMAN This is really going to hurt, isn’t it?

ANDREW I would imagine.

WOMAN You’re going to let me do this?

ANDREW I think it will help. Yes.

WOMAN God. I’m glad I’m quite drunk. Actually get me that bottle of whiskey from the thing. The one I had before.

He does .

She takes it. Drinks it. Sploshes some over the needle .