Mike Bartlett - Wild

I’m saying what was in the chocolate.

Nothing. There was nothing in the chocolate but would you like to be protected against that threat for the foreseeable future?

We can do that.

I can do that.

Are you crying?

Long pause .

We would like you to agree to work with us. To help us out. And in return. We’ll look after you.

ANDREW I… uh… okay… I’m… my head is…

MAN What?

ANDREW I’m not feeling that well.

MAN Why not?

ANDREW Oh god.

MAN Just agree.

ANDREW No.

MAN Agree to work with us, and we’ll take care of everything.

ANDREW Who was the woman?

MAN As I explained, she could have been anyone.

Without proper resources you can never be sure.

Anyone you meet from now, might be a threat.

ANDREW Can you come back?

MAN What?

ANDREW Come back in the morning.

MAN Leave you overnight?

ANDREW Yeah.

MAN I can but it’s normally done overnight.

Death.

ANDREW I just… need time.

Please.

The MAN looks at him for a while .

MAN How about another bar of chocolate?

He takes it out . ANDREW looks for a moment .

Or not.

ANDREW reaches for it .

The MAN moves it away .

When you say yes.

The MAN looks at him for a while .

Don’t open the door to anyone.

He goes .

ANDREW sits .

Stares .

Alone .

The night .

ANDREW is doing sit-ups without his top on .

A knock at the door .

ANDREW stops for a moment .

Then carries on with the sit-ups .

Another knock at the door .

A moment . ANDREW carries on .

ANDREW It’s locked.

The WOMAN comes in. She’s looking possibly a little drunk, her hair is more relaxed than before. She holds a bag .

WOMAN Hi! Just checking if – Wow. Okay. Why have you?

Okay. Should I come back at some other time?

ANDREW No. It’s fine.

WOMAN Why have you got your shirt off?

ANDREW I was exercising.

WOMAN It’s very late at night.

ANDREW I couldn’t sleep.

WOMAN You know there’s a gym downstairs? It’s actually not bad, I mean the facilities here aren’t great generally you have to pay through the nose for wifi, and the bar’s okay if you can get past the prostitutes. Who by the way all have laptops. They sit there at tables and do what look like accounts on Excel on their Macbook Airs when they’re not chatting to men or being fucked. I mean, I just have so many feelings about that in so many directions, the rights and wrongs of that because no doubt these women are being so much better paid than I am, but would I do what they do? No I would not. Am I in a position, really to make that call? To say what I would do in their position? No I am not, because the alternatives might all be horrific. Sorry I’m rambling, I do that when it’s late and I’ve been having fun, the point is the gym’s okay. You could do exercise in the gym.

ANDREW I’m not allowed to leave my room.

WOMAN Oh yeah. Forgot.

ANDREW …

WOMAN I could send one of those prostitutes up.

ANDREW No thanks.

WOMAN She could dress like Mindy. Use a false name. You could use a false name too.

And only speak through writing pictures on pieces of paper.

Or better, not speak at all.

And no eye contact.

Ultimate privacy. Total silence.

ANDREW I’m fine thanks.

WOMAN You ever used a prostitute?

ANDREW No.

WOMAN Me neither. I think it must be horrible, but it’s one of those things isn’t it, that’s sort of become so acceptable in society it’s easy not to think about it, but if you imagine actually letting someone invade you like that –

ANDREW I thought you’d have gone by now.

WOMAN Gone? No. I’m staying here. Waiting for you to change your mind.

ANDREW You’re not who you say you are.

WOMAN I know, I told you that. I explained the reasons why.

ANDREW I mean you don’t work for him. The other man.

Also called George. He came and said they don’t know anything about you.

WOMAN What other man?

ANDREW George.

Beat .

WOMAN We don’t work with anyone called George.

ANDREW You mean…

WOMAN Did he say he worked for us?

ANDREW With him. He said he was sent by him to speak to me.

WOMAN No that’s me. That’s what I’m here to do. This other man. Lying to you. Describe him.

ANDREW He’s –

WOMAN He probably works for the Russian Government.

Or a newspaper. A Russian newspaper. Or worse. He could even be a blogger Andrew.

Did he threaten you?

Who knows? But whoever, or whatever he was, or is , it’s got nothing to do with us.

ANDREW But are you going to find out about him?

WOMAN You get people like that all the time.

ANDREW It doesn’t bother you.

WOMAN Nah.

ANDREW I thought you were protecting me?

WOMAN Well as I said, it’s hard for me to justify that if you’re not one of us.

Pause .

You’re in a bit of mess aren’t you?

Long pause .

ANDREW I think there’s going to be a war.

Beat .

WOMAN Have you gone all –

ANDREW I’m serious.

WOMAN Okay. Okay, but with your shirt off, and saying things like that it makes me think you’re either like Brando in Apocalypse Now , or that you’re about to go on some kind of mass killing – when you say war –

ANDREW Have you got a bank account?

WOMAN So we’re sort of skitting between topics here?

ANDREW …

WOMAN Yes, I have got a bank account. I’ve got several actually. Different banks. Different names in fact, but that’s –

ANDREW Do you trust that your money will be there? When you want it?

WOMAN Yes.

ANDREW …

WOMAN No. That’s why I have the money in different banks.

ANDREW In different countries I expect as well.

WOMAN Yes.

ANDREW So you don’t trust the banks.

WOMAN Okay, there’s a glimpse here of where this is going –

ANDREW You don’t trust the government, we’ve established that.

WOMAN Right.

ANDREW God?

WOMAN Yes? Oh sorry, you weren’t talking to me.

ANDREW Do you trust God?

WOMAN No Andrew of course I don’t trust God.

ANDREW Or the church.

WOMAN Ha!

ANDREW …

WOMAN No .

ANDREW We’re ruling things out. Aren’t we? Free-market capitalism.

WOMAN I’m on the left.

ANDREW Marxism then?

WOMAN Wouldn’t it be great if it actually worked though?

ANDREW The law.

WOMAN Of course not.

ANDREW Police

WOMAN Ha ha.

ANDREW What then? What do you, with your degrees, and your self-proclaimed passion, what do you believe in? The thing that you tie your spirit and your work and your exertion to, what is the set of values that gets you through the day?

WOMAN Progress.

We get better.

ANDREW I see no evidence for that.

Long pause .

WOMAN Wifi!

ANDREW What?

WOMAN We’ve never had wifi before. And yes, I know that sounds facetious and I know you’re feeling this passionately so bear with me – but we literally in the history of civilisation, have never invented or used wifi before, the dinosaurs didn’t have it, the Victorians didn’t have it, we didn’t have it in the nineties.

ANDREW That’s progress?

WOMAN That’s an example. Violence across the world is down. Poverty is down. Education is up. Emancipation of women is up. We’re not doing as badly as you think.