Joseph Matt - Cam Boy

Don’t be afraid to admit when you’re wrong – For some, I know, this can be a bitter pill to swallow, but we aren’t all perfect, and sometimes even the best of us make mistakes. Lord knows I’ve made more than my fair share over the years. It takes a fair amount of guts and a strong person to own up to their flaws and admit that they were wrong, but never be afraid to apologise if you feel you are, or were in the wrong. Anyone with a shred of decency will have a lot more respect for you as a person as a result of it. Not all criticism is bad; and try not to turn a blind eye to anyone offering it in the way of constructive advice. Not everyone is out to get you. Don’t let the past define you, and focus on the future and bettering yourself as best as you can. In essence, learn from your mistakes.

A day after the backlash I received from my appearance on ‘ Webcam Boys’ I was given the opportunity to write a piece for ‘ Gay Star News’ under the title – ‘ I don’t care who judges me – why I’m proud to be a Webcam Boy!’ – The title was defiant, to say the very least, but there were things I needed to get off my chest and clarify, for the sake of my own sanity if nothing else.

I’m not going to repost the whole thing here but here’s a few extracts which I feel do me justice…

‘In a virtual world where I quite often can’t even see the men I’m performing for, I feel as though the webcam offers me a source of protection. Unlike escorting, there’s no chance of being pinned down or overpowered by a guy, or potentially turning up for an out-call and finding myself in the home of an ill-intentioned sadist. There’s no ‘block’ button in real life like there is online, and I’m in charge…’

‘My parents are fully aware of what I do and while I don’t think that realistically it’s what anyone would want their child to be doing, they’ve kind of just grown to accept it for what it is. Other more distant family members have expressed in no uncertain terms that they’re ashamed of me for putting myself and my body out there so publicly, for potentially the whole world to see and judge. But I think a lot of sex workers are misunderstood and people need to stop being so close-minded…’

‘My response to any and all of my critics is that if they don’t like what I’m doing then they don’t have to watch. Nobody’s forcing them. I, for example, have no interest in sci-fi, so why would I sit through Star Trek? I wouldn’t. It’s exactly the same in principle…’

I might have been angry at the time, but I do believe I got my point across loud and clear (though again, I’m not naïve enough to think that all of my critics will have read it, or agreed), and reading it back even now, there’s absolutely nothing that I regret writing in that particular article.

I haven’t received any hate mail in over a month now (touch wood!), and instead am inundated with support from my fans, both new and old, who all seem to have a new found respect for me after doing the documentary. Going into it, I was worried I might lose a few of my regulars, if they saw that the reality of my life wasn’t quite as glamorous as I’d made it out to be at times, but fortunately that hasn’t been the case at all!

I’ll also admit that I was slightly worried about the reception my mum would receive. Agreeing to take part herself and admitting to having allowed me the out house as my ‘office’, knowing full well what it was I was really doing in there, she was opening herself up to a lot of criticism, but I don’t recall hearing from anyone with a single bad word to say about her or her style of parenting – quite the opposite in fact. My fans adore her – more so than me at times I worry! They always ask me when I broadcast how she’s doing. I get messages all the time telling me what a great mother I have, for supporting me through my hardships and trying the best she knew how to save me from the brink of a drug addiction that probably would have otherwise killed me. One day I’ll drag her on cam to say hello… but only when I’m fully clothed.

I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to repay her for all that she’s done for me, and words really aren’t enough, but when I look at her, I know that I am blessed.

My Nana Edythe (my mums’ mother) has been equally supportive. Not in the sense that she knows the full extent of what I do, but she has a vague enough idea. I’ve tried to explain it to her in the sense that I put on performances in front of my webcam and get paid to do so, and I think she’s smart enough to fill in the blanks. She tells me that as long as I’m happy and safe then it shouldn’t matter what anybody else thinks. For a woman of 85, I think that’s such a positive and admirable attitude to have. I know that despite some of the ill-fated choices I’ve made in my life that she loves me unconditionally, and that truly is the best kind of love of all.

My brother James still has me blocked on Facebook (even now I think it’s probably too soon to attempt to re-add him) and as I don’t see a lot of him it’s hard to know where he currently stands with it all, but I admit that I would like at least some kind of a relationship with him, even if it’s only the occasional catch-up. In truth, he’ll probably always harbour a bit of a grudge towards me for exposing my work life on television, but he is my only brother after all, and blood is thicker than water as they say. I do hope this will all blow over and that I’m given the chance to be an uncle to his child, it would mean the world to me.

Nana Sylvia, perhaps surprisingly, hasn’t ever taken it upon herself to block me on social media. I posted a selfie with my mum on Mothers Day of this year and she commented saying ‘Lovely picture’ – so I think that’s progress and there’s definitely room to mend that fractured relationship at least; although I don’t know that she’ll ever fully understand or accept my life choices. Honestly, it doesn’t particularly bother me that she thinks I’m a publicity whore – in fact she’s probably right on that count! But I don’t feel like I should be pressured into feeling ashamed of what I do, and I don’t consider myself a bad person because of it.

My cousin Amelie, who I haven’t seen in years, but have recently reconnected with over Facebook, has been very vocal about her support for me (having actually taken the time to watch the documentary from start to finish) in spite of some of the family’s reactions, and for that I’m very thankful. It’s nice to know she has my back!

I don’t honestly know where I stand with regards to the rest of my family at the moment. But I do believe that time is a great healer, and perhaps by the time this book comes out, things will have changed dramatically. I certainly hope so.

I could quite honestly drag this book out for an eternity, but like all things, it must come to an end, and I feel that with the recent celebration of my one year camming anniversary (or ‘ Cammiversary’ as it’s known in the camming world) this seems like the perfect place to finish.

So much has happened this past year. Looking back on it all, it almost seems surreal, like some weird kind of dream. To tell you the truth I’m half expecting to wake up any minute, back in Nick’s dingy drug den, or somewhere equally revolting, but I’ve come such a long way since then – I’d be a fool to return to that kind of lifestyle.

I truly do feel blessed for all the wonderful opportunities that have come my way. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked my arse off (quite literally) for a lot of them – but it’s all been worthwhile.