Joseph Matt - Cam Boy

Nevertheless, if there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s the final five minutes of the documentary. I would urge anyone who wants to get a better understanding of me (but is put off by the raunchiness of my cam shows) to solely watch just that one segment alone. It’s truly me at my rawest, most vulnerable and real.

During filming, Jessica and Mobeen had asked me to choose an area of London that was particularly significant to me – somewhere I’d spent a lot of time and that held a lot of memories, most of which were admittedly quite painful to discuss…

Did they do this to get an emotional reaction out of me and provide some extra drama for the show ? Probably. But I wanted to tell as much of my story as I could; even if that meant owning up to some things that I wasn’t entirely proud of. And so that monologue at the end, where I was given an opportunity to truly express myself and retell some of the stories from my past, without any cheesy cutaways or narration, just me standing by a street sign – I will forever be grateful for.

Despite a few minor gripes here and there, I was, overall, happy with my portrayal in ‘ Webcam Boys’, and since the show aired I have received a great deal of support from both friends, and even complete strangers for letting the cameras into my life, and sharing my story. It really has been overwhelming and has touched me in so many ways; I can’t even begin to put into words how much it means to me to have so much support behind me.

But as open as I was to share that side of me, and inspire others who had experienced similar, particularly in terms of the abuse I suffered during my time in London, there was – as I was expecting, a fair share of negativity and backlash too, following the shows broadcast…

The first I knew of it was when I realised that my brother had blocked me on Facebook. It transpired that he’d posted a long rant in regards to the programme (without having seen it himself, at least at this point, might I add) that, from what I gather, was basically in line with what my Nana Sylvia – who he’d recently been to visit, had commented on prior to it’s airing.

James and I have never been particularly close I should clarify, but I felt we had both reached a point in our lives where we were adults now and more accepting of one another. So to have him bash me so publicly in such a way as he did, and to then even go as far as to block me, his own brother, on social media – that was a real kick in the teeth.

I can’t quote from his rant as I only read it myself once briefly via a mutual friend, but there were ‘likes’ aplenty, and no shortage of hateful comments directed towards me. I don’t know how many of those who chimed in had actually seen the show through to the end, but it was a brutal onslaught to say the least, and the worst part was knowing that there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.

Some even went as far as to message me personally on Facebook. People I didn’t even know , but who were friends with my brother had it in for me. I won’t name names, but here’s one such message I received (I cleaned up some of the spelling and grammar errors to make it easier to read).

‘Mate, to be fair you’re fucking disgusting! How can you do that in a small village? You have let local people and your family down. Go back to Soho if you’re going to do that, people like you disgust me.’

I sent a lengthy reply explaining that London would have essentially been the death of me, and that I didn’t feel I was harming anyone by doing what I do.

Let’s take a step back and think about this seriously for a moment. Who are the people that fund my career? Other people’s brothers, sons, uncles, fathers and grandfathers… I wouldn’t earn a dime if it wasn’t for them tipping and paying my way. And if I’m making them happy while I’m at it, whilst keeping myself out of danger, then where’s the harm in that?

I later learned that some of the neighbour’s gripes with the show were in how much of the village was displayed, particularly houses which could be seen in the background of the ‘tyre swing’ segment.

If there’s one thing I’m slightly irked by (aside from the ‘shed’ label – not letting that one go), it’s how much of my location was revealed in the final edit. You could quite easily establish exactly where I lived, right down to the house number, from the clues shown in the documentary, and that I felt let down by – particularly as my one request was for my location to remain as secretive and anonymous as possible.

I can understand how neighbours with children might feel upset or endangered by this, and all I can do is apologise. Though I didn’t self direct the documentary and had no say in what was eventually screened, I take full responsibility for agreeing to take part, and can do nothing more than say sorry to anyone that felt pissed off by that; believe me, I did too.

Nobody likes reading or hearing hateful comments about themselves, least of all me. But I knew from the get go when I started my career as a webcam performer that it was part of the territory, and something I was going to have to endure – even more so when it came to taking part in the documentary.

But guess what? Never in my life have I felt more liberated now that the truth of what I do is out there for everyone to see. Coming out as gay was never as big of a deal for me as coming out as a cam boy was, but I have very few regrets about the way I handled it. People know what it is I do now. If they accept it that’s fantastic, and if they don’t? Well, it’s probably because I’m earning more money than them ( haha! ) or they just don’t understand it. It’s really helped me sift through who’s important in my life and who isn’t. Saying that, I don’t wish any harm upon my family and do hope to rebuild some of those bridges I may have unintentionally burned. But I understand that sometimes people need time to come around to things that aren’t considered ‘the norm’ in society, and I’m willing to give them that.

All that said, I think I’m pretty qualified to offer up a few final tips on dealing with negativity and criticism, both in a general sense and in that of the camming world, so here’s what I’ve got…

Remain Calm when responding to negative comments online – it’s all too easy when someone throws shade your way to react in an aggressive manner as a means to defend yourself, but often the worst thing you can do is rise to the bait and add fuel to the fire by arguing back right away. Anyone that leaves hateful comments is 9 out of 10 times looking for a reaction from you, so why provide them with it? Stay cool, calm and collected and take the time to process their criticisms and come up with a well thought out response if you feel the need to. Better yet, just don’t respond at all. Trust me, that’ll really piss ‘em off!

Understand that no matter what, you can’t please everyone – This applies to both the world of webcamming, and ‘real life’ as it were. There will always be someone who dislikes you, or what you’re doing. Whether that’s because it goes against their moral principles, because they hold a grudge over something you’ve said or done in the past, or simple old fashioned jealousy. If these are people that are important to you (in my case, family) then it’s most definitely worth at least trying to talk things over and see eye to eye, but in the case of total strangers, or people who seem to find fault in everything you do, fuck it! Life’s too short to waste your time on them. They’re obviously unhappy with whatever’s going on in their own lives, so feel the need to take it out on someone else. I’ve been dealing with these kinds of people since school. They have a name-bullies. Don’t let yourself be their punching bag. Distance yourself and have as little to do with them as is humanly possible.