Joseph Matt - Cam Boy

Much of our subsequent conversation revolved around ticking boxes for the cameras. The fact that we met via camming, how Steve felt about my interactions with other men online, his thoughts on me returning to London having known about my past struggles there, and what the future might hold for us as a couple. All potential topics of interest for the audience of the documentary.

When it was time to move on to the next phase of my journey with the crew I felt a mixture of emotions – on the one hand I was happy it was over and done with, because it meant no more pressure for Steve, but on the other hand I was sad to say goodbye to him, and regretted how little time we’d had together. We shared a cigarette on the outside balcony while Jess and Mobeen packed up inside, but beyond that we had no interaction that day that wasn’t recorded. I assured him I’d keep in touch and let him know how I was getting on in London, and it would only be a week or so before we saw one another again, but it was bittersweet seeing him that day, and with a heavy heart that I said goodbye.

Being a webcam performer and holding down a physical, real life sexual relationship at the same time can be peculiar territory, and though some would advise entirely against the idea of dating anyone who first approached you through camming online, I personally don’t think it’s something you should completely shy away from, or rule out as a possibility.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not in any way suggesting you cam with the intention of hooking up with every guy who proposes it (I politely decline ‘do you wanna meet up?’ requests from total strangers on a daily basis). Keep your wits about you when it comes to meeting up with anyone who first makes contact online, but equally, don’t assume that everybody out there is a predatory creep with ulterior motives.

When I got together with Steve we’d been chatting for a short while prior to meeting up and he made it clear to me from the get go that there were no expectations. We met up initially as friends and honestly, our relationship really just grew from there onwards.

One of the best things about being together with someone who first made contact via my camming chat room is that he knew from day one what my job entailed, so there were never any awkward conversations like “so what do you do for a living?”

Steve has been massively supportive in all of my camming endeavours, even letting me broadcast openly from his place, and helping me out with any technical problems I’ve run in to whilst performing. Although there are times he admits it’s difficult to see me flirting so openly with other guys, there’s a line between business and pleasure, and it’s his bed I’m sleeping in at the end of the night, and he who ultimately gets to share that physical intimacy with me, while others merely pay for a glimpse of my arse on their computer monitor.

As for advice towards anyone entering in to a relationship having not met through camming? Well, it’s certainly not your average run-of-the-mill job, and I can see how a lot of potential partners may be put off by it, but I would never advise anyone to keep it a secret, at least beyond the second or third date.

Honesty and integrity is very important in any relationship, and if you get serious and wish to continue camming then they’re bound to find out sooner or later, so why not just be upfront about it from the start? Who knows, they might surprise you and even want to get involved themselves? And if it repulses them that much, then well at least you know then and there that they’re probably not the one for you!

After saying a rushed and emotional goodbye to Steve, it was back to another round of travelling for me and the team. Mobeen parted ways, to drive back to London, while Jess and I caught a taxi to Bristol Temple Meads Stationwhere we hopped on a train to London Paddington.

I had a little nap early on in the journey whilst we still had a way to go (she leant me her scarf to lean my head on which I thought was a really sweet gesture!), and then it was business as usual.

The idea was for Jess to interview me on the train as we approached London, with lots of shots in between of me gazing out of the window looking sullen, optimistic, anxious, or whatever else I may have been feeling at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I mean she wasn’t literally calling out random emotions for me to act out like we were in drama class, but I pretty much knew the score by then.

“So how do you feel that meeting with Steve went?” she asked me, camera balanced precariously over her shoulder.

“Yeah I think the meeting with Steve went well,” I responded (full sentences Joey, full sentences!)

“How do you think he feels about you coming to London?”

“I mean… obviously Steve knows about my past history in London so I do think that’s something that’s gonna be playing on his mind, but… ultimately I’m here for business, y’know? I’ve never had the chance till now to do a professional photo shoot and I’m hoping it’s gonna be a really positive experience for me.”

“So, tell me what’s changed between the last time you visited London and this time?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see some of the fellow train passengers watching and listening in as Jess filmed me, much in the same way that the customers at the Mud Dock café had done earlier that day. But ‘ fuck it ’, I thought. I refused to be distracted and hold myself back as a result. I felt compelled to tell my truth, and if that meant 1 or 2 people thought badly about me then so be it.

“The last time I left London I was a mess,” I said, focusing my gaze intently on Jess to avoid stumbling over my words or meeting the stony glare of anyone listening in, “I got so caught up in the drugs side of it all and was just bed hopping from guy to guy, being promiscuous and having a lot of unsafe sex. I think it’s safe to say I’d lost all respect I ever had for myself…”

“And the second part of my question?” Jess asked. “What’s changed in you this time around, and how does it feel to be going back there?”

“I’m not gonna lie, it’s scary revisiting London after all I’ve been through, but… I feel like enough time has passed now and that I’m a stronger person than I was back then. I just have to focus on the photo shoot and resist the temptation to fall back into my old ways. There are too many people rooting for me, I can’t let them down.”

“And… perfect,” Jess said, putting the camera to one side. “It really is fantastic how honest you’ve been with us throughout all this.”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“I just wanna tell my story,” I said. “That’s all really…”

We were edging closer and closer to London and Jess and I would be stepping off the platform in a matter of minutes.

“Don’t you ever get bored?” I asked her, off the cuff.

“Of what?” She asked, curiously.

“You go through all the effort of taking all this footage, knowing full well that a great deal of it’s not gonna end up making the final cut. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“No, I love what I do,” she said.

“Like… I see firsthand the amount of effort both you and Mobeen put in. I know if I spent that long trying to get ‘the perfect shot’ I’d be pretty pissed off if no one ever saw it.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” she reiterated, “I get to travel to all sorts of places and meet all kinds of people. It is a hard job but… it’s rewarding, y’know?”

I suddenly wondered if I’d crossed a line and was now talking to ‘ TV talent scout/DV director’ Jessica Reid, as opposed to the girl who had offered me bottled water and her scarf for comfort just an hour prior.