Joseph Matt - Cam Boy

Because of the spatial limitations within my cam room, we didn’t have a whole lot of room to work with, and I had to pretty much confine myself to one single corner of the room where the leather sofa was in place to put on my show. It wasn’t ideal, but I’m not criticising Jess or Mobeen for that, because I think in actuality it was rather a struggle for all three of us. I remember at one point Mobeen wanted to get a long shot of me addressing my audience (or whatever the fuck I was doing at the time in front of my webcam), and he was literally having to squat down in the space between the toilet and sink in the tiny bathroom opposite me to attempt it. Then he wanted to get a second opinion on whether the shot looked right or not, so he called Jess over and she somehow managed to squeeze herself in between him, the camera, the sink and the toilet (much like some sort of crazy contortionist), just to get a look-in!

Witnessing that whole scene play out whilst trying to keep a straight face for my viewers, who had no idea what was going on directly in front of me, still makes me laugh out loud to this day – madness! And this coming from the guy in the arseless wrestling singlet with a ball gag round his neck, who was about to stick some nipple clamps on…

I hadn’t decided beforehand how long I intended on broadcasting for, but I was pulling in such a great audience and getting tipped for all sorts of requests that there was no way I was going to stop until my numbers dropped a bit or I was physically unable to carry on. The more engaged I was in my viewers, the less attention I paid to Jess and Mobeen. And I think in a sense that was a good thing because it was exactly what they wanted – J Matt being J Matt. I like to think of it as a wildlife documentary with me as the subject, and the two of them observing me in my natural habitat, with what I imagine to be a fair blend of fascination and disgust.

After close to 3 hours, and almost £150richer, I’d decided that I’d had enough. I blew a kiss into the webcam, thanked my fans for all their support and tokens and then proceeded to end the broadcast.

With one click of a button I found myself suddenly transported back to reality. Here I was, in an outhouse I called my cam room, curled up naked on a leather sofa with two people I’d known for less than a day having just witnessed a sexually-charged webcam performance, carried out solely by me, and taking place right before their eyes. Before I’d clicked the ‘End Broadcast’ button there were still close to 100 or so people in my chat room – but now it was just me, Jessica and Mobeen. I realised that J Matt had disappeared the moment I’d shut down my laptop, and as Joseph, I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. But the cameras were still rolling, and then came Mobeen asking questions…

“So, what was that like for you Joseph?”

I was usually articulate, but realising how strange of a situation I was in, I struggled to find the words to answer that, or in fact any of his follow up questions. I think Mobeen, and Jessica too, were surprised by my reaction. I felt like a deer in the headlights.

I’d just made a considerable amount of money, which on any usual night I’d have been celebrating. But, I suppose, I felt embarrassed, having known they’d seen it all play out. I wondered what they thought of me, on a personal level, now that they’d seen me performing as J Matt. I worried it would change how they were going to treat me in the days to come.

I was tired . I needed to throw some comfy clothes back on, smoke a cigarette and go and get something to eat. The cam room was a mess, but I left it that way so they could get the ‘cut to’ shots they wanted for the edit; dildos covered in baby oil, banana skins, an ash tray full of cigarettes – that sort of thing I presumed.

My parents were in bed by this time. I left Jess and Mobeen to their business and took momentary solace in some alone time in the kitchen with a plate of reheated cheese and onion quiche, then said my goodbye’s when they were finished.

I had no trouble sleeping that night. When my head finally hit the pillow I was well and truly exhausted!

The next day we were scheduled for another 11amfilming start. I got up at about 10.15to get camera ready, which was less time than I’d allowed myself the day before, but as I had already picked out what I was going to wear, all I had to do was take a quick shower and fix my hair and I was good to go.

Jess and Mobeen turned up on time but with the technical setup it took to get all of the equipment ready and ‘set the scene’ – a casual conversation between my mum and I at the kitchen table, we probably didn’t actually get started until closer to 12. With the two of us both mic’d up, Mobeen finally started rolling with his camera.

I led the conversation (having spent enough time with Mobeen, by now I had a pretty good idea of the kind of things he’d want me to discuss), with Mobeen or Jessica interrupting only occasionally to clarify things or have my mum repeat them in a more conversational context – she had a habit of talking ‘ about ’ me as opposed to ‘ to ’ me when on camera.

We went over some old childhood photos and I showed my mum my feature in Dirtyboyzmagazine – the same one I’d shown to Paige a day earlier. She remarked that she thought they’d done a good job of putting the piece together and that most of the photos were actually quite tasteful.

“See, now that one of you in your bedroom’s nice,” she said.

That was before she realised that in the picture she was referring to I actually had my hand down my trackie bottoms and was feeling myself down there in a rather provocative way. I didn’t have the heart to mention it…

Once we were done filming with my mum, we headed outside. There was a tyre swing hanging from a tree, down by the greenery opposite our house where I used to play as a kid, and Mobeen felt really inspired to get some shots of it. I perched my bum on the edge of it (it had always seemed a whole lot roomier when I was 5 or 6), and did a short interview where I was asked questions mostly geared towards my childhood, and how life had had been for me growing up in the Welsh countryside.

After we were done with that little segment, I was free to roam around for the rest of the day. Freedom in this world, I’d discovered, is when you’re not wearing a microphone pack…

That evening though it was back to the cam room.

Jess was fascinated with the idea of my ‘ Feti$h Casino’ – the dice game I play on occasion with my viewers, and she and Mobeen had asked if I’d be willing to host it that night on cam for them.

It was, again, a little tricky playing the game in such a small space, but I designated myself one hour and just got on with it. They’d asked to see a bit of showmanship from me, so I gave them what they wanted.

“Welcome to my fetish casino!” I announced grandly, “Who’s feeling lucky?”

Things felt much less awkward this time around, being filmed by the crew while I cammed. I hadn’t promoted my show half as much as I had the one that took place the night before, so my viewing figures were naturally a little lower, but I felt comfortable with that. I was more in control of my audience, and although I didn’t earn as much as the previous night – the equivalent of £40or so I think by the end of it, once I was done there were no weird feelings of awkwardness. It was – for now, as they say in film and television, a wrap!

Gazing over the filming schedule Jessica and I had devised together, Saturday 5 thDecemberwas the date I was dreading the most, purely because of all the planning and travelling it involved. I had a photo shoot booked with professional fetish photographer Matt Spikethe following day in Central London, where I’d be staying in a pre-booked Travel Lodgeovernight. This meant I had to pack an overnight bag, as well as a suitcase full of fetish wear and accessories that he may or may not want to incorporate into the shoot. The plan was to be all packed and ready for 9.30amso that Jess, Mobeen and I could hit the road nice and early.