Michael Alan - From Virgin to He-Whore - The Butterfly Effect

Despite or because I was raised in an all-male environment, I was comfortable with my feminine nature and confident in my masculinity to be both friend and confident to any of the females in the school, teachers or students. I honoured the position I was given and clear in my mind that I’d never knowingly harm or disrespect of any of those who had placed their trust in me.

The more we shared in our discussions, the more I was to learn of the life in a religious order for a nun. The repressed sexual compulsions caused by the vow of celibacy, would often explode in unexpected situations. Tensions, particularly, during monthly cycles would require very delicate handling by Sister Mary and the other women charged with the role of a Mother Superior in a convent.

Lesbianism and masturbation, although regarded as sinful, were not uncommon in the religious orders. I was told in confidence, by Sister Margaret, on my staff, that many sisters struggled with these transgressions. Occasionally a nun might fall pregnant when her resolve in intimate pastoral situations with lay and religious males was displaced by uncontrollable sexual desires.

On two separate occasions I had come in contact with some of the cloistered nuns in the order. Once I was being instructed by one on how to drive the college bus that I was borrowing for a college athletics excursion. During the demonstration as she stood at the driver’s door, she made repeated ‘accidental’ touches to my ever-arousing genitalia. She repeatedly brushed her hands back and forward across my crotch, as she showed me the handbrake and gears. I assured her that I was a fully licensed driver of this size vehicle and had ample experience, so didn’t need the instruction at all. But she persisted, saying that such instruction was mandatory for anyone using the bus. To my surprise in mid-sentence she suddenly bolted in a hasty run back to the doors of the convent, leaving me in puzzlement about her actions. As I looked around I became aware of many eyes from the convent windows above watching this scene unfold.

The other incident occurred while on a school excursion to Canberra to visit the Mint. I was accompanied on the trip by an older nun, Sister Frances. We were the two staff supervising a group of 40, Year 10 girls. We sat together on the bus. Sister Frances was a happy, chatty woman aged about 10 years older than me. As our conversation flowed, she disclosed that many of her sisters in the convent were ‘charmed’ with me. Apparently, my tennis attire and my relaxed manner with the student’s nudity intrigued them. Sister Frances, then stunned me a little when she smiled and whispered that a few had done penance for unnatural sexual fantasies involving me. She said that Sister Mary had been encouraged by the parish priest to address this long-standing issue. Apparently, I was not really, all that special, just a paradigm for underlying issues. Sister Mary had responded with a ‘special’ project in which, it was hoped, I would assist.

From this incident with the college bus and the behaviour of the ‘bus’ nun and our spectators in the convent, and then the later disclosure by Sister Frances, I was becoming aware of the unfortunate sexual tensions that pervaded the convent and especially the cloistered nuns of the order.

Anyone who has worked or been associated with all-female groups will know the unique pressures and tensions that can arise from time to time. Sister Mary was the Mother Superior to this large group of women and she had the individual and group welfare in her care. I was told that it wasn’t unusual for the menstrual cycles for a group of women living and working in close proximity to eventually sychronise. This would often create an extremely sensitive time each month where emotional tensions would increase amongst these women. In addition, there was the tide of sexual tension that would regularly arise amongst a group of celibate women for her to contend with.

During a subsequent chat, Sister Mary, explained that many of the younger sisters in the order had limited experience of the outside world, or sexual relationships. She asked if I would be willing to participate in a ‘familiarization’ program she was proposing. The program was similar, she explained, to the one I gave my 17 year-olds at the religious retreat and would be presented with assistance from a couple of the mature sisters of the order. I wasn’t exactly sure what parts of the ‘lesson’ I gave my students that she had knowledge about. She soon eased my confusion with a very explicit recitation of the whole ‘lesson’.

It seemed many the girls on that weekend couldn’t wait to tell their favourite teachers back at school what they had learnt and how amazing and wonderful the whole lesson had been. This had obviously made it back to Sister Mary. Fortunately, it seemed that none of the ‘extra curricula’ activity back in my bedroom, or the subsequent tease in my honours class the following week, had made it to her ears. She was acutely aware though that my honours class girls were attending my nudist club with me. She specifically mentioned that it was wise of me to get their parent’s permission.

However, her program I soon learnt would unknowingly include some aspects of the extension lesson I gave my honours’ girls. Sister Mary, explained that the order was losing many of their younger recruits, such as Margarita, due to sexual curiosity. She hoped that this program would help allay these normal curiosities amongst the younger nuns.

During that school bus excursion to Canberra, Sister Frances pointed out a religious retreat just south of Campbelltown, on the outskirts of Sydney, which featured The Way of The Cross in its grounds. The convent was overtly used for Easter celebrations. However the convent was lesser known as a shelter for pregnant nuns during their confinement. I had become aware that these ‘accidents’ due to repressed sexual tensions were becoming a real threat to the religious orders.

It seemed Sister Mary faced two alternatives in dealing with this problem. One was to ignore it and hope each individual would resolve her own personal tensions. The other was to face the problem ‘head-on’ and create a program that exposed and hopefully appeased these tensions through educational familiarity. Sister Mary chose the latter! I later understood she came to this conclusion with advice and consultation from the parish priest.

She needed a virile, healthy young man, who was comfortable with nudity and with impeccable control and moral code. Ideally, he would be Catholic, but if not, then Christian. It seemed I ticked nearly all her boxes. But it had taken her over 12 months of careful observation to ascertain my ‘credentials’ and beliefs, to be comfortable to ask me to help present this project.

She confided that she needed to be assured that I could be completely comfortable with my nudity amongst my peers, if and when it was appropriate. She asked me if it was true of what she had heard that I had effective control to produce and erection on cue, without sexual stimulation?

Wow! That came at me from ‘left field’. I wasn’t expecting that from our discussion. ‘Struth, how did she know about that?’ I thought to myself. Sister Mary had her contacts everywhere and although I was comfortable with all my actions in the college to this point, I was aware that nothing escaped her attention.

Our conversation was reaching an intimacy of disclosures that I hadn’t anticipated and I was feeling a little uneasy.

I told her a little about my erectile abilities.

I told her that although I couldn’t control my involuntary erections, I could produce a non-sexual erection when required. I also mentioned ‘some’ of my experiences and comfort in sharing these talents with women of various ages. I also reminded her that I had studied acting for three years and gained a Diploma from the Ensemble Theatre School of Acting, as an additional interest while studying at university for my degree. My experience as an actor and the method used in my acting diploma had given me the training for this ‘skill’.