Michael Alan - From Virgin to He-Whore - The Butterfly Effect

There was an initial shyness with my nudity and I was sure some of these women had never seen a penis before in their lives. Faces lit up as fascination turned to curiosity and many questions were asked about my personal feelings and reactions, if and when it was sexually motivated.

To help them understand some of the incongruences of a male’s attitude to sex, I always related my experience of the casual acceptance of nudity with the triplets at Woodlands Nudist club and then being ‘attracted’ to scantily clad women on the beach as a lifesaver at Tamarama Beach later that same day. This story did seem to help these women begin to understand the disparity for a male between nudity and sexuality.

It was a very surreal experience. I grew to enjoy the flushed faces and timid smiles of young nuns, some in their habits but most in casual apparel, as they examined and absorbed my nakedness.

At regular intervals during each course my teaching colleagues and I met to assess the progress of the course. It was obvious, there had been quite an amount of feedback within the convent amongst participants. There was general agreement that the course was a runaway success. Many of the young nuns in the course had expressed how much they had appreciated the lessons. If I happened to cross paths with any of them within the grounds, I’d regularly be thanked for my graciousness, honesty and openness.

I did occasionally ponder my position in this course and whether I was being used? However, my concerns about the anguish from my childhood abuse resurfacing, dissipated early in the course. There was such a warmth and kindheartedness for me from the sisters. My inherent exhibitionism and latent desires to be an entertainer, also helped to dismiss my fears.

I did consider where this facet of my personality had developed. Was there something within me that was intrigued by this apparent female interest in my sexuality? Did this stem from the abuse suffered as a child by an adult female teacher, who seemingly had every right to molest me and enjoy my body without provocation and with complete impunity? Was I now getting sanction that my body was worthy of genuine admiration and not abuse or disinterest by women?

I was asked some years later during a conversation with a male friend whether I felt an ‘ego rush’ with this situation. I reacted quizzically to his suggestion, as I had never considered this possibility at the time. With little deliberation, I could honestly tell him ‘No!’ I had never felt that I was ‘special’ in these situations. I had learnt from a young age that a male shouldn’t consider his body as ‘private’. As I grew from a boy, I had noticed that there had always been a plethora of statues, art work, cinematic images etc., that exposed male nudity without any reservations. In association with my relaxed attitudes to nudity gained from my nudist lifestyle, I quickly became totally comfortable to be naked amongst these women. My unruffled mannerisms permeated each group and I sensed these women became equally comfortable with me.

These were normal healthy young women, living in a sexually repressed environment, satisfying a natural curiosity about the opposite sex. I genuinely felt privileged to be in this position to help. I was always treated with respect and I was in the perfect moral space relative to my ‘sisters’ to be the right person to return the respect and trust I was afforded.

One confronting situation that concerned me was when the lessons included some of my teaching colleagues from the college, with whom I had daily contact. At the time my teaching attire would be collar, tie and trousers. However, my concerns were unfounded and in fact every one maintained a relaxed but respectful manner toward me. In fact, my feelings of vulnerability by being naked in front of these women, inversely resulted in an attitude of admiration, as my nudity in the lessons was so greatly appreciated. Also, my vulnerability enabled a closer friendship to develop between myself and the sisters.

My involvement in Sister Mary’s project started me on the road to resolution of many of my internal ‘demons’ caused by my childhood abuse. This friendly familiarity with female fantasies set my ‘compass’ directly toward a later ‘career’ in my 40’s as a nude entertainer for individuals and groups of women. As with many of our experiences in life it was just another ‘flutter’ of those Butterfly wings, turning me in the direction in which my life was to develop.

However, I found it very difficult to just ‘turn off’ after these sessions. This unique project, in addition to the occasional ‘pussy parade’ by my students and other girls in and out of classes left me highly aroused. I was in the prime of my sexual capabilities with limited sexual experiences. Thankfully, Juliette was an occasional visitor to my home. Even with my highly stimulated reserves of sexual energy, I never came close to matching hers. We would fuck each other silly whenever she found time to visit.

These ‘visits’ helped me to keep a reasonable control over my hormones. However, I would have liked more regular visits.

Thankfully, it wouldn’t be long before a few ‘friends with benefits’ appeared on the scene to save my sanity.

Later in my life I came to realise the powerful effect these intimate experiences were having on my own emotional state. In my 50’s I completed a course on Sacred Sexuality. In the course we learnt of the powerful effect sexual release in a safe environment could have on the psyche of people suffering from childhood sexual abuse. The sensation of a lack of worth that I felt as a child at the hands of an authoritative abuser were now being released. The process is called ‘DeArmouring’ and I was unconsciously dearmouring my feelings of abuse with each orgasm.

In my estimation, there must have been over 50 nuns aged from early 20’s to mid 40’s in the order who came to these ‘familiarization’ lessons over the ensuing months. Groups were limited to five nuns at a time and each nun would have enjoyed around 10 sessions each through the year. Some came more often than others, so I assumed it was a purely voluntary program. There may well have been others in the order who chose not to participate, whom I never saw at all that year.

At the end of the first ten-week program, Sister Mary advised that it had been a huge success and with my compliance would continue with great appreciation the following year. I didn’t tell her that I also enjoyed the experience but assured her I would give it some thought overnight.

She saw me sign-on for work the next morning and called me into her office. “Are you happy to continue with the program next year?” she anxiously quizzed. “We are willing to make some allowances in your teaching program should you agree.” I hesitated and then gave her my assurances and commitment. She seemed well pleased with my response. “As I know you enjoy your nudist lifestyle, I am happy for you to enjoy the convent’s rooftop area along with our sisters at any time, should you wish. They would welcome your company too,” she added. I thanked her for the offer and said I’d enjoy that opportunity.

My closest teaching associates would chat with me in our staff room about these sex education classes during various recess or non-teaching periods. I was eventually asked whether I would be willing to pose for some ‘Life Drawing’ classes. These after-hours classes included a senior matriculation art class and a recreational activity group for the convent nuns.

These classes were very informal and instructed by Sister Patricia, who was the college art teacher. The classes were held either in the senior school for the matric classes or of a weekend in one of the convent’s anti-rooms for the nuns. I posed a few times for each group throughout the year. After the first of the nuns’ recreational art class I was invited to join some of them at their rooftop recreation area, where sisters from the convent sunbathed nude.