Mike Jastrzebski - Key Lime Blues

“Think you could give me a hand here?” I asked.

Tanya nodded, and started toward me. Her steps were hesitant, and she turned her head back and forth while she made her way across the room. It was almost as if she expected Ashton Kutcher to step out and tell her she’d been punked. When she reached my side, she dropped to her knees and began to fumble with the tape holding my hands. “What the hell happened?”

“Destiny happened,” I said.

“Gail did this to you?”

“I didn’t tie myself up.”

She stopped tugging at the tape and gave me a quizzical look. “Why would she do this? What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything. It’s because I refused to have sex with her.”

A smile flitted across her face. “This must be a first.”

“I’m glad you’re amused.”

I was making a concerted effort to control my temper, but the irony of my statement must have been lost on her because the smile returned full bloom. “You know what they say, don’t you?”

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.” The muscles in my arms were cramping and I needed to scratch my nose. I was not amused when she continued.

“If you’re gonna play, you gotta pay. What the hell were you doing in bed with Gail?”

“It’s not what it looks like,” I said. “Maybe if you’re finished with the humor you could go find a knife and get this tape off of me.”

“Getting a little testy, aren’t we?” Tanya stood and looked down at me. “If you’re not nice to me I may have to leave you there.” I could see she was fighting to keep a straight face, but she couldn’t hold it back and she burst out laughing. It was a deep hearty laugh, and I would have enjoyed it at any other time. At the moment, however, all it did was add to my irritability.

“This isn’t funny,” I said.

“Of course not.” She stopped laughing, but her eyes sparkled with amusement.

“Would you please get a knife?”

“Sure.” She reached down, opened her purse and took her phone out. “But first, I’ve got to get a picture of this.”

“I said this isn’t funny, Tanya.” To emphasize how I felt, I began tugging on my bonds. This only served to raise my blood pressure, and came damn close to tossing me off the bed. Realizing my efforts were futile, I stopped struggling and lay there trying to maintain as much of my dignity as possible while she pointed the phone in my direction.

“Smile,” she said. She clicked a picture, looked at it, and tucked the phone back into her purse. “I’ll be right back,” she added, and then she turned and ran from the room.

While she rummaged around for a knife, I added camera phones to the top of my list of things I hate in life.

Tanya walked back into the room carrying a small, serrated knife, and I felt my anxiety begin to build again. She was the complete antithesis of Destiny, but it didn’t matter. I was developing a full-blown fear of women with weapons. Maybe I could trade my newfound phobia to Elvis for a tarot reading, and two future predictions of his choice.

Tanya came over to the bed and stood above me with the knife extended. She bit her lip and I knew she was holding back another laugh, I could see it in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just can’t help myself. If you were in my position, you’d be laughing too.”

“I doubt it.” I rolled onto my side and added, “Now would you cut me free? Maybe I can get back a little of my dignity.”

Tanya worked carefully on the bindings, but at one point I winced when she nicked my thumb. After she’d worked the tape off, blood rushed to my fingers and I groaned. While I tried to get the circulation flowing, she cut my feet free and pulled the sheet over my lower body.

“You’re bleeding,” she said, looking at my hands. “I thought I was being careful.” She ran toward the door. “I’ll get a bandage.”

Tanya returned with a washcloth and a box of generic bandages. I slid over to make room, and she sat down on the edge of the bed and set about cleaning and dressing my minor wound.

When she finished playing nurse, Tanya took both my hands in hers and began to massage them. Working her way downward from my wrists to the fingertips, then back up again, she brought them back to life.

“How’s that?” she asked as she released my hands.

I was pouting and refused to answer at first, but she winked at me and I felt my anger begin to dissolve. “Much better,” I said. I even managed a brief smile.

“Are you ready to tell me what happened here tonight?” she asked.

“What do you want to hear about first?” I asked. “Should I describe the humility I felt at having a woman I thought I was helping pull a gun and force me to strip before she tied me up? Or the embarrassment of being photographed in this somewhat compromising situation?”

“Somewhat compromising?” she said. “That would make you the master of the understatement. I didn’t mean to embarrass you, but you looked so cute and helpless I just had to have a picture. If it bothers you that much, I’ll erase it.”

I mulled over her suggestion and decided I didn’t need to sweat the small things in life. “If you’ll guarantee I won’t appear on some obscure site on the Internet,” I said. “You can keep it.”

“I don’t know if I can make that promise. I was even thinking of making a copy and pinning it up in the ladies room at the bar.”

“You wouldn’t?”

She raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Your secret is safe with me. I promise not to show the picture to anyone. I’m the only one who will ever see it, but it will be awhile before I let you forget it. If I ever need a favor, I might even use it to blackmail you. But enough about your naked ass-are you going to tell me what happened here, or are you going to leave it to my imagination?”

Not likely, I thought, so I started talking. I told Tanya about my encounter with Bob and his twin, Willie. I filled her in about Bob getting shot, and about waking up to find Detective Davies watching over me. To wrap it up, I told her about jumping out of bed and getting dressed when I discovered Destiny in my bed.

“I can’t help but notice you’re still calling her Destiny,” Tanya said.

“You may think of her as a sweet young girl named Gail who you grew up with,” I said. “But I have a different image of that girl. Calling her Destiny reminds me of what she is, a stripper and a thief.”

Tanya raised her eyebrows again. “Harsh words. So how did she manage to strip you, toss you back into bed, and hogtie you. I have to admit Gail’s a capable woman, but this seems a little extreme even for her.”

“I still thought she wanted to work with me. I told her we needed to turn the diamonds over to the cops and after a little argument she agreed. I sent her out of the room to get dressed, and when she came strutting back through the door she brought Bob’s gun with her. She had it pointed in my direction and I believed her when she told me she’d shoot if I didn’t do what she wanted.”

“She’s not going to let the diamonds go, is she?” Tanya asked.

I shook my head. “I think she’s convinced herself she deserves the diamonds. She believes she can still get away.”

“If this Frankie guy catches her, will he kill her?”

“I’d bet money on it,” I said. “And if Elvis is involved, he might beat Frankie to the job. To be honest, though, I don’t think he has anything to do with the stones. I think Destiny had them the entire time.”

“I had my doubts from the beginning,” Tanya said. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe in psychics. But Elvis has been a local character for a long time. I’ve met him, and I have a couple of friends besides Gail who swear by him. I think he’s even helped the police on a couple of cases. He’s got a successful business in town. Why would he try to kill Gail? For that matter, why would he try to steal the diamonds?”